How do I tell if my friend is anorexic? What do I do then?

Question

My friend hardly ever eats. We go to a boarding school, and they try to watch us but it's really easy to skip meals. She used to at least come and sit with us, and sometimes she'd eat a tiny peice of bread or something, but now she pretty much skips meals altogether. Sometimes she eats junk food (chocolate, red-bull) late at night but hardly ever.

Also, does smoking make you less hungry? She does that too.

I mentioned anorexia to her a while and she just said she wasn't hungry, but I don't think you can be un-hungry if you haven't eaten in weeks, can you? How can I tell if she really is anorexic? and if it seems like she is, how do I confront her?

We aren't that old, and it doesn't seem possible for people our age to have a problem like that, but when i think about it, the situation looks pretty bad...

Answer 1

Coming from a I guess you could say a recovering anorexic your friend has a problem. For the past 12 years I have battled the illness, and now I am still under weight but not deadly under weight. First, I will tell you confronting your friend will push her away. For anorexics a huge part of it is the control issue and anyone getting in the way becomes the enemy. Every anorexic thinks or believes they have control over the illness but really it has control over them. Eating Disorders are one of the hardest disorders to cure and treat, and the longer it goes the harder it becomes to help the person. You say you are at a boarding school I would tell you to go to a school counselor or teacher you trust. Tell them you valid concerns and ask that they not tell your friend you are the one who brought the issue to their attention. Your friend needs a friend and an understanding one. You will not understand what she is going through and but you can be there when she needs you. Let the school counselors be the "bad" ones they are paid to and should know how to proceed.
As time goes on anorexics will become more seculsive and spend more and more time alone. Their self esteems drastically decrease and they loose more and more control.
The situation is not good but do not yourself put the pressure on your friend she will totally close you out. I was in my teens when I started having problems and I still do as an adult. The illness is becoming more and more prevelant in younger people simply because of the pressure society places on people. An eating disorder really has not much to do with weight, there is an underlying emotional problem causing the problem and the weight is an outward expression of it. That is why your friend needs professional help and needs you to be a supportive friend. Throughout recovery I have done counseling with other anorexics and bulimics ( I had both) so if you ever need help or someone to talk to you can e mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 2

Age doesn't affect the situation really. If you are old enough to understand what it is, you are old enough to have that problem or do it. Peopl think that just because someone is young it means they don't know much about things, like sex....people think that just because a kid is 12 years old they can't have sex. Wrong! If they know about it they can do it. your friend does seem to have some kind of eating disorder, and you need to let someone know fast. eating disorders not only mess up your stomach, but your body isn't get the nutrients it needs. your friend could die cause of it and at such a young age. It is very unhealthy! The first thing I would do is confront her about it. She may get mad and she may try to blame you of acusing her of something she isn't doing, but if you and other people don't see her eat then she must not be. You need to let her know you are there for her if she needs you and when she needs you. Let her know how much you care for her. Do some research on eating disorders and have her read about them. Second I would let someone know. Your mom, hers, a counselor, someone. They need to be able to watch her and see what she is doing. Also smoking doesn't feed hunger it feeds nicotine addicton so because she smokes doesn't mean shes not hungry. It may make her lose weight a little, but it won't keep her from eating. I know I am a smoker, and I also used to be bilemic. Get her help before it is to late.

Answer 3

This is a very serious issue and she needs help. Anorexia is not just a decrease in the amount you eat, it has very strong psychological underpinnings and they are extremely difficult to work through on your own. I would suggest talking to you friend and suggesting she find help with someone she trusts, maybe a school counselor or something. If she refuses (which means she's likely not ready to work through it, on her own especially), tell her you're worried and that you are going to have to tell someone if her behavior doesn't change. I know it's going to be difficult and you're probably afraid of making her mad, but it's much better to lose a friendship than to lose a friend.

Answer 4

I would really like to help you. Believe me, if your friend has an eating disorder, if she doesn't eat for 3 days then she won't feel hungry. This is a disease and your friend needs the help and support of someone professional. She will not admit to having a problem because she truly believes that she is allright. Look at her arms. If she is really underweight, it will show in her arms. Does she wear baggy clothing ? The eating disorders association are helpful. You could go to a meeting on your own to find out more about helping your friend. Please, please don't give up on her. If she has an eating disorder it won't go away. Could you talk to her parents ? You could have a word with your own doctor for advice. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses. I don't wish to alarm you but please find a way of helping. I think you will probably not be able to do this wonyour own. I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do understand.

Answer 5

You are a really caring friend to be so concerned. If you are minors you could tell a grown up ie a teacher or school counsellor about your worries with your friend. I have kind of the same problem with one of my flatmates. Even though we are grown up. I have seen her go for weeks without a meal and at the mo she just lives off the occaisional kitkat or biscuit. You have the edge over my situation as you can ask for an adults assistance. I know its really worrying for you and I hope everything gets better soon.

Answer 6

As a former anorexic, I can tell you she is. You can tell her that you are worried about her and that you are there for her. Remain supportive and try to find numbers to places where she can get help or talk to someone and just ask her to please keep them. You should also tell some adult you trust at the school. Your friend may be mad at you, but it is better to have her angry and alive than as a dead friend. Be strong. I am sorry for both of you. Try not to preach at her, either. She knows she has a problem, believe me, but an anorexic can rarely stop themselves. There is something beyond lookin good that drives this disorder. I will pray for you both.

Answer 7

It does sound like she has some form of eating disorder. I would initially try to sit her down and express my concerns to her-it may not work-but at least you've let her know people are aware. The next step would be to speak to the school nurse or headteacher and voice your concerns. They in turn will monitor her more closely than you can,and alert the parents and GP to any concerns they may have.

Answer 8

Smoking is a very good appetite suppressor.

I really wouldn't confront her. She'll either be scared on in denial, either wasy she won't appreciate you butting it.

She's your friend. She'll tell you when she needs you. That's the time you start offering your help.

Answer 9

If you are at boarding school you should speak to a teacher or your matron. You need to say you are worried about her. She probably won't thank you for it but if she does have a problem you need to try and help her.

Answer 10

sounds like she definitely has an issue with food.

monitor her some more and i think you should consider telling someone.