How do I really know whether he only likes me as a friend?

Question

There is this someone who I really like. He is both a friend and work colleague. He is always there for me when I ask for advice or help. I have also picked up through various incidences that he cares about me. In the past, I have sent a lot of mixed signals. Lately I feel really down, especially feeling that I hate myself. Consequently I have a very pessimistic view that he also wouldn't like me more than as a friend.

I lost my would-have-been soulmate because of cancer a year ago. This person even came to the funeral and heard me bare my soul. He has seen me fall down 200 steps (not literally) and come back up. He was also there in the process to encourage me as a friend.

He has told me it is his goal to get a girlfriend this year, and even told me about girls he was interested in (always when he has given up already). So I tend to think he was maybe telling me indirectly that I'm not his type?

Does he only care about me as a friend? Please don't say ask him directly.

I haven't been intentionally playing games with him, though sadly, he possibly could think so. I wanted to wait till at least a year has passed before my last boyfriend's death, as a respect to the family and friends of my ex?boyfriend. Also I wanted to make sure my feelings were stable and true towards him.

The reason why I say "please don't tell me to ask him directly" is because we have a lot of common good friends. He himself is a very good friend, and he is even friend to my ex?boyfriend's brother. I also need to cope with seeing him around work every weekday. So please understand.

Wow... I'm so amazed of all your advices and thoughts. Thank you all, and I hope to hear more as I add these details.

I have also given some positive signs to him, like cooking him meals (with obvious efforts on my part) when he came over to help me assemble furnitures. Also, when he won a prestigious award, I asked him out to lunch/dinner to celebrate. He chose lunch at a cafe.... at the end of it he said that was fun. And then recently for his birthday, I did send an email message to sincerely wish him a happy birthday and may his wishes come true. I was away overseas on a business trip, so couldn't say it in person. Last year I gave him a present without putting my name on it, yet he guessed it was from me and came to my desk to thank me. I didn't want to overdo it this year.

Answer 1

well, if he is there for you everytime you need him, it mean its morethan love, maybe he told you about finding a girlfriend for just to know your reaction, maybe he wanted to see saying something giving him some signs.
For he has seen you comming out of sadness he doesn't want to make you sad anyhow.
why not start flirting with him, maybe this will help.
Also if he is looking for a girlfriend that means he is looking for someone to understand him. Show him by your actions that you care for him and show him you want to understand him.
Try to show that you are very interested in him.

Answer 2

Well... In this case you must be true to yourself... Try to ask him.. I know that that it will be very difficult.. Of course, for a girl to open up to a boy with what she feels is quite challenging. It requires a little bit of courage.. But how if it will be the best thing for you to do?.. But of course, If I am in your place maybe I will also feel the same way...It is better for him to tell directly that he doesn't like you, than waiting and waiting what comes next.. Anyway, if you really don't have the guts to talk to him about that.. How if you ask a friend to help you. Maybe he or she can talk to him or even investigate what is the real motive of that guy. Is it just to test if you like him too or is it that he is just really a caring person that is always there for a friend... I hope he can see what's in your heart that he can now tell you also what he feels... God bless!

Answer 3

dear lilliana
knowing the fact that i cannot directly contact you
that why
i simply use your question
it is easy to sizzle the great food girl
you must know this girl
you can have the great products in the world
but if you can't sell them...!!!
sorry girl...
but there not enough space i guess
do you mind if i put it there:
here was what i wanted to ad girl:::

use their ear
for example if they see your great food coming
they might heard some lovely noise
as they can use their nose too
cause they will smell great food
the eyes can be good too
cause when they will see the lovely food
of course they won't believe it
that's why sometimes hands can help to touch it...
girl is so easy to describe great food
never forget what kant used to said about art:
not the picture of a cute thing
but the cute picture of a thing...
and i feel so sorry girlcause i cannot tell you
where this simple place will be...
i am getting too old you know...
and of course i don't wanna see a lot of people coming there
i don't wanna run girl..i am too old for that
and i am looking just for a few custumers
just to make them happy...
cause when they are happy..i am happy you...!!
and maybe one day ..one custumer might said:
you know what..young man your food is just great...!!
and i will simply said: thank you misses



just to let you know girl
i used to have as custumers some people
as leonardo
as andre too
as pete too
as brooke too
you can just believe me girls
if the food wasn't great..they will have never come there
and guess who's the big cheese girl..??

Answer 4

In saying "Please don't say 'Ask him directly'," it sounds like you know the answer to your own question, but don't like it so you're searching for another one. I wonder why it is that all of us try to avoid having these important conversations. Perhaps we fear rejection or fear having awkward moments. If the relationship is important to us, though, we need to be willing to be open and honest. All relationships grow through trust and open communication. If we can't have that kind of communication at the start of a relationship, what makes us think we will later on - since we have trained ourselves not to communicate that way? All of these thoughts are about people in general, but sparked by your question. My recommendation is the one you don't want to hear - talk to him. Having this conversation with him may seem to be a difficult step to make, but it is easier than continuing to struggle with "Does he like me? Does he not like me?"

Answer 5

he seems like a gd fellow ... mabye u should give him the hints or at least subtle ones. probably hes waiting to be sure that yr ready to be in another relationship since yr lost special one quite recently. bear in mind there are chances that it will move to another level or hes is concern just as a friend. just don't put yr hopes too high up .. all the best ..

Answer 6

He is most likely waiting to see what YOU want. If you want him...let him know, or, wonder and worry and then regret not telling him for the rest of your life. Life is short, as you well know. Stop playing games.

Answer 7

okay. difficult question. i think he cares for you more than just a friend.and the part about him wanting a girlfriend. to me i think hes trying to hint that hes not intersted in those girls but hope that you will be his girl.heh. goodluck(:

Answer 8

I think you're absolutely right. If he was interested in you, he would not be telling you how he wants to date other women.

Answer 9

Just make the first move, when you've got your mouth all over him and he doesn't ask you to stop, you'll know

Answer 10

Cook up 'ways' to know