Q:How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb ?
A:Two. One to remove the bulb, and one to check for animal by-products.
Q:What happens when a vegan falls off the wagon?
A:They go to the butchers' and ask "Do you have anything that died of natural causes?"
Q:How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:I don't know, but where do you get your protein?
Q:How do you tell when a vegan is in a restaurant?
A:They're the person who spends half an hour talking to the waiter, and then orders a plain salad with oil and vinegar on the side.
Q:What do you call a vegan guy who pleasures himself?
A: A Non-dairy creamer.
Q:Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
A:He was protesting for the chicken.(pump fist for more enthusiasm)
Q:Why did the tofurkey cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.
2006-11-22 03:03:30 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Food & Drink ➔ Vegetarian & Vegan
I'm bored (business meeting delayed to the afternoon) so here goes:
Q. How many participants from the Internet's SCI-VEG list does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Eight:
* One to post an abstract showing increased longevity from using narrow-spectrum vegan light bulbs;
* one more to make a point of discussing the study's epidemiological flaws in a showy public demonstration (for any outsiders who may be eavesdropping) of the listgroup's purported objectivity on the subject of narrow-spectrum bulbs;
* after which everyone nonetheless confidently agrees the bulbs are superior to natural sunlight anyway based on many previous studies that compared bulbs to standard American dim (SAD) moonlight;
* another participant to complain that the general public would be more motivated to try the narrow-spectrum bulb if instead of dubious health claims, more focus were put on publicizing that the true moral test of humanity lies in how much mercy we show toward abused flashlight batteries;
* and five people who signed onto the list last week to go ahead and just change the damn bulb, soon thereafter quietly unsubscribing to get on with the rest of their lives.
Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
It hasn't been tested on mice.
How many meat eaters dose it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they would rather stay in the dark about things.
What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?
Someone who lost their veg-inity!
Why are Vegans nearsighted?
From reading all those small print ingredient labels!
A vegan has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other, and a zucchini up his nose.
He goes to the doctor and asks him what's wrong.
The doctor tells him, "Well, for one thing, you're not eating right."
Why do vegans wear snow camo?
So they don't get busted hijacking the Soy Delicious ice cream delivery truck.
What do you call a vegan with diarrhea?
A Salad Shooter.
A young vegan couple decided to spice up their life so they bought "The Joy of Sex." A friend later asked them if the book had helped. Disgusted, the lady replied, "We didn't know what we were getting into. That book goes against everything we believe." The friend, a bit surprised, asked them if they were against free sexual expression. "No," said the man, "but you wouldn't believe what they want us to put in our mouths!"
2006-11-22 04:32:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Vegan Jokes
2016-12-17 13:56:14 · answer #2 · answered by embrey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Vegetarian Jokes
2016-10-04 00:43:11 · answer #3 · answered by nason 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello I did some analyze on the canines tooth you're so apt to say purely meat eaters have... i have purely began yet bypass decrease back and seem at that query..... also seem up dogs in horses... and chinese water deer... i'm nevertheless engaged on extra yet there are some for you. large shaggy dog tale by ways.... yet i imagine the unique had the vegan replaced with the manic braintrust. Wait..... are not you..... oops.
2016-11-29 09:07:53 · answer #4 · answered by butlin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many vegans does it take to get electrocuted when changing a light bulb? Just one. He takes out the old bulb and puts in a cucumber!
2016-11-03 15:41:11 · answer #5 · answered by DJ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These were good! They'll help break the ice tomorrow at my family's thanksgiving, it's always funniest when you make fun of yourself! Happy Tofurkey-Day!
2006-11-22 03:25:18 · answer #6 · answered by angelbelle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I liked the last three. The others weren't very funny.
You may have self-made a whole new joke category! Look out "blonde jokes"!!
2006-11-22 07:22:03 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Save a cow, and eat a vegetarian!
I saw it on a bumper sticker!
2006-11-22 05:43:35 · answer #8 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
First was the best
2006-11-22 03:12:20 · answer #9 · answered by Josh 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
lol
i like them! maybe they'll help me keep all the jerks at school off my back.
2006-11-22 04:07:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋