Pakistani men, why????

Question

Why is it so difficult for Pakistani men, no matter their age, to grow up and act their ages? Why is it that they are incapable of communicating about anything and blame their wives for every bad thing that comes their way? Why is it they cry about Islam only when it comes to their wives making a decision on their own or when their wives are exhausted from caring for children and they can't get themselves a glass of water while standing by the sink, but don't apply Islam to the other 90% of their lives? I'm married to one, and am getting divorced from him. Why do you have this need to go to foreign lands and demand that the foreigners do as you command? Even when marrying muslim women from these lands, why can't you leave your cultural Hindu baggage at home? Why not just go back home if you want to act like you are there so badly? I was married to this "man" for 5 years, and had two children with him. IN that first year, it was great. Afterwards, he became violent and abusive.

I was 18 when I married him, just turned 18, and naive. I didn't have much experience with men until then. Had I known how screwed up their culture is and how much they get off on harming their wives, I would have run far far away. He's done nothing but hurt me. I have separated from him, but he still keeps finding ways to hurt me. For example, I'm graduating from college. He made it a point to let me know he won't be there because he wants to go party with his friends. I've supported him through everything he did and always congratulated him, but no matter what good happened for me or how much success I had he HATED it. At one point he became physically aggressive at my success. I have the perfect job where i can set my own hours and take the children with me, and he STILL has problems. He doesn't have to watch them, and it's like we're going shopping when I work. I'm the one who supports them and myself, and he has been trying to force me to quit even though he neglects us

I've also received compliments from Imams and scholars about how knowledgable about Islam I am, and they've actually tried talking to him and telling him he should be happy he has a wife who doesn't demand things from him left and right. He's been shown what Islam says. He says he doesn't care, he's not doing it. I've told him he has no right to treat us so badly or to shove it in our face when he gives the children $5 to get something to eat after he has refused to get groceries for a week or two. It's solely my job that supports them, and experts have said he should be ashamed of himself for making his wife support his family. They also told him he should be happy he has an active wife who tries to follow Islam and tries to get him back on the straight path. It's like he has no heart. When he makes me cry, he doesn't care. While pregnant, he stressed me out so badly and was so emotionally abusive the baby was born with seizures. I told him I felt like it was my fault and he

said maybe. Instead of trying to comfort me when I saw my 3 week old son having seizures, he said "It's nothing, don't go" when I said I needed to take him to the ER. I didn't listen, they took him to Children's who hooked him up to electrodes for a week and found he has a seizure pattern on his brain. He didn't even come to the hospital much, and he has shown little if any interest in the child because of this. A real man should be there for his family and not get off on harming them. What is wrong with him???

Answer 1

I'm sorry about your misfortune, and happy to hear that you are able to release yourself from this situation through divorce.

This problem isn't limited to Pakistani men - many men of many cultures are terribly immature when it comes to marriage, and shout religion as a way to attempt to control their wives. I was married to an American Christian man who was exactly the same way.

Wishing all the best for you and your children, and I hope after you have had time to heal, that you are able to open your heart to marriage again, only this time with a man who will be a true Muslim and love and protect you as a man should.

Answer 2

He beats you for no reason. You should try talking to him. Other wise divorce him. He is beating you up for no reason. I am very sorry he is treating you like this. have you tried talking to your mom and see what she says or talked to a close friend. He should respect you, your arab and you married a pakistani man. You must have had it tuff before marriage because two different cultures getting married. For your safety and health, and the safety of your child you should leave him. If he keeps beating you, you will get ill and damage yourself. Talk to him, if that does not help then leave. I wish you all the best and take care of yourself.

Answer 3

Congratulations on your divorce, I say this because women should be congratulated when they want changes for themselves and their children, and forge ahead to make them happen. better you do this now then years latter. People may say differently but it's the best thing to do for your children, they should not see that marriage as an example to base their own on. Congratulations on being a strong and independent women!!!!

Answer 4

And your question is ????
All you have here so far is a little rant about your ex and instead of just calling him a jerk you are calling every man in a whole nation a jerk.
OK, I have seen or heard this rant over and over from almost everybody getting a divorce, and it has never seemed to matter what race religion or shoe size the man is, the rant never changes.
If he had been a mainstream middleclass male from your own culture you would have just generalized it out to cover all men in the universe I think.
So why don't you tell us what you are really upset about.

Edit to details: And your question is????

edit to detail. you need to find a girlfriend who you can vent with about this. do you have any sisters or a mother or aunt. Somebody patient and understanding and female.

Answer 5

Did you married 100 Pakistani men ? If not then why are you generalizing this bad behavior to all Pakistani men?
Islam is not specific to any land or time. It is universal.
Did you just married for a man without knowing hou he is personally.
Most important did you learned Islam.
Do you know how islam protects woman. If No, then learn Islam.
Do not judge Islam from behavior of one bad man (as you claim).

Answer 6

I'm sorry you had to deal with some immature Pakistani men . but i assure you they are not all like that.

you cant generalize people.

edit:
under Islamic Laws you have every right to get a divorce from your abusive husband. don't put up with this and show him how the Prophet (pbuh) treated his wives.

edit:
sister calm down and think wisely, do what's best for you and your children. from what i've heard so far from you i can conclude that divorce is the only solution to your peoblem, your husband is not qualified to start a family and shouldn't have started a family to begin with.

i will pray for you and your children.
peace.

Answer 7

Better than sleeping with pigs...thats what u are, Muslims Men are the BEST, it doesnt matter if u come across 1 odd one and make a general observation u f****** idiot!

Answer 8

It's a good thing you're getting out, nobody should have to put up with that. That said, take your children and hide.

Answer 9

You made the biggest mistake in your life by marrying one (even marrying someone in the bantu or pygmy tribe would have been a better choice), nevertheless you are making the biggest reforming decision in your life by letting go...so all the best to you. May God bless you.

Answer 10

Well you should have thought of this before you got married to the man.