My boyfriend and I were together for 10 months. During our last month together he went home for the 1st time since his mother died a year ago to finally sell her property. They were very close and his sister told me he never properly grieved her death, as he was the "strong one" who dealt with all the practical issues while everyone else grieved.
When he came back things between us were distant and wierd and he broke up with me, saying he was real confused and citing "differences in how we were raised." Up until this weekend, we were very much in love, he'd take me out all the time, buy me little things "just because" and even say how much he couldn't wait for me to be part of his family.
I'm hurt and confused and we haven't spoken for almost two months. Anyone out there have any insight that isn't simply one line to "move on?"
2006-11-19 17:16:36 · 5 answers · asked by SummerPixie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow, 2 months. He seems to be sticking to his guns. I would ask him to meet you or something, somewhere you can talk for a long time and not be interrupted. Have it all out, be completely honest with him, tell him exactly how you feel and see how it goes. The guy must of loved or been seriously into you and that doesn't just vanish, no matter what.
2006-11-19 17:23:07 · answer #1 · answered by Random Mandom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what to say other than I am very sorry for both your losses. It is hard to deal w/ death I think (my grandparents are all gone but I have both parents still so I don't know how well I'd handle it).
I am intrigued by the comment about the distance you alluded to. My gf has been the same way and she lost her father suddenly as a young girl. We care a lot about each other, I don't doubt that, but there is a very tangible wall she has up when it comes to getting too close to me emotionally. I don't know if that is why, but I think it very well could be.
My only insight is this. I have given 100% to this and, looking back, have been a great guy for her. I am confident in that. I am still confused as to whether this wall is b/c she really doesn't want me but doesn't recognize it b/c of this issue (or whatever the issue actually is) OR if she is just trying to push me away b/c she assumes, subconsciously probably, that everyone who loves her will eventually leave her. Either way it's her issue. I have held on to this ambiguity for several months now, but I think I have maxed out my mental and emo resources. I am cooling things for a few days, maybe a week, and then I am going to just lay it all out there. I guess I am hoping that the fear of letting me walk away for good from her will finally be greater than the fear of whatever it is she is so scared of. At the end of the day, I have to look out for me.
If you're not there yet, hang on and be supportive as you can be. Get in touch, just to say hi and see what happens. If you are at the end of your line, maybe try the last ditch effort, too. If you'd like and can wait a week or so, I'll tell you how my sit works out.
Regardless, good luck, and trust that you'll be able to deal w/ whatever the ultimate outcome. I really do wish you the best.
2006-11-20 01:31:34 · answer #2 · answered by randyken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do know that when a person grieves they have to go thru 7 stages. Women tend to cling to their partners when they are going thru a rough time and most guys tend to run. I have always been told that someone grieving will take it out on the person closest to them. I would not bother him. Maybe send him a card and tell him you don't understand what is going on in his head, that you miss him but love him enough to leave him alone to sort thru his feelings. Then, I would leave him alone. He will be back if he loves you. As far as being from different background of raising, that shouldn't matter if he loves you. I really think you will hear from him again. Grieving is very complicated and can make a person do strange things. Things to just get them thru but until they have sorted thru and put the loss in a place they can deal with it there is nothing much you can do. Best of luck. I know you are having a hard time but it will work itself out!
2006-11-20 01:27:43 · answer #3 · answered by Emmi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men are attracted to women who remind them of their Mother. If he never grieved then he is probably in denial. Ask his sister what kind of qualities you share with his mother. He may blame you for the reason he and his mother had not seen each other in so long (do to the fact that he was so involved with you).
Move along. It will hurt, but in time you will fall for somebody else. I had a boyfriend who's dad O.D. after they had a fight. He always blamed himself because he was not there. You may not love anyone else the way that you loved him, but i promise that you will love again.
2006-11-20 01:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by dumbblond 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is grieving now that things have settled. It is puzzling that he would cut you off like that. I think you should try to talk to him again. See if he can explain the differences in how the two of you were raised and why he had a change of heart. Good Luck!
2006-11-20 01:30:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋