I just found out I have a 7 year old son?

Question

I found out I have a seven year old son a few months ago. The mother or I knew until his hair turned blonde and we got a dna test. We were so happy when we found out I was his dad. The mother and I have rekindled our relationship even though we live in different states, due to her and I being in the military. My son is confused because he thought another guy was his father for 7 years and now he knows I am. I try and get down to see him and his mother a couple times a month and we get along great, but he still thinks his mother and her ex will get back together. The mother and I plan on getting together when the divorce is over. We want to build a strong foundation for the family, but is hard with her ex. For our sons sake we still let him see his thought to be father every so often, but I think it is making it worse. We are doing it for Josh not for the ex, because I think the ex thinks if he sticks with our son he might have a chance with the mother. What can I say to our son. Help

Answer 1

Whats this? oh sorry i thought i was watching Maury Povich rerun on TV all we need to hear now is " earthmove you are not the father or" the lie detector test determines that a lie" For Christ's sake just say what comes from your heart you will know

Answer 2

Okay I think that this is a situation where he is so use to this guy that in the back of his brain he thinks that this guy is his father. You are a Johnny come lately to him and he hardly knows you remember he knows that guy for seven years unlike you that guy was around for his life so far. He has to get comfortable with the idea that you and his mother would be getting together and when you say getting together I then assumed that you were speaking about getting married since you are waiting for Your son's mother and her ex's devorce to be final. When he gets accustomed to seeing you around and his believed father not coming back he would lash out in strange ways or he would embrace it most likely not. Look out for strange behaviour probably rebellion from time to time. It would be his way of dealing with the loss of his father. Yes you are his father but to him the other guy is his father. Picture your father had left you and some other stranger came along saying that he was your father how would you feel? Yes, that's how he feels as though he has lost a very close friend, confidant as well as someone he trusted his well being with. You have to be all those things for him to be trusting you because right now he is just biding time. It would be wise not to stop their visits because now he would lash out at you and his mother for it. He was his daddy when you weren't there or a part of his life. You were just the biological father but now you are wanting to be daddy so right now is the time to make things settle before he recgnize that the other guy isn't coming back. Also what his mother has to do is to set things straight by making this guy understand that he is not wanted in her present or future and was a mistake in her past. Unless that is done then he would always have hopes and dream and guess what he would have Joshy boy hoping and wishing to have the life that he once had. Make Josh know that he is at home and that everything is going to be okay. Life will go on as usual. Congratulations on the knowledge of your new son but you shouldn't have doubted her anyway or abandoned her when she needed you the most if I were her I wouldn't let you back into my life. Anyway enough said Good Luck on life!

Answer 3

You really have to understand that you can not come up to this 7 year old and say to him that the man he thought was his dad is no long his dad that you are. 1 he would not understand that and 2 it justs mean.

He needs to still the man he knowns as his dad and also get to know you. If the dad that raised him still thinks he has a chance with the mom and is only with the son for that reason then the mother needs to talk to him and tell him that there is no chance.

The whole family needs counsling and FAST.. You cant just bring in a new person into a little kids life and expect him to he all happy happy joy joy about it. All this little boy is seeing is that you are taking his only dad away and from him and his mom. Weather you are his "real" dad is pointless to a 7 year old.

Also think of it this way. What a wonderful son you will have grow up to be if he has two men in his life to help raise him and to teach him what kind of man to be. Two men that loved/love his mother and him.

Answer 4

You are already doing the right thing.I hate to say it but in his eyes the other guy is dad.For 7 years he knew only that other person as his father.The child has to be confused and wouldn't understand it if you were to suddenly remove that other person from his life.However if he grows to see you and his mother and his previous father all getting along he'll know it's ok to feel the love for him and you at the same time.Please don't try to force him to take sides! If you do this your son will come to see you as the bad guy.You'll be the one who took away the only man who was there for him for the first 7 years of his life.Stay strong no matter what happens and be patient and this child will come to repsect you and love you as much as he does the other guy.He'll know that you have concern for his feelings and welfare at heart.

Answer 5

Give it time for the whole situation to pan out, he's only seven and it's difficult for him to understand the situation.... All you have to be is patient and be there for him.... Let him see you as you and he'll learn to love you as much as he does the other guy... You've got to understand that for so long he thought he was his Dad and now he's got to get to know you and get used to the idea....

Basically allow him to continue to see the ex and let him know that you're never going to leave him no matter what, you're his father.... You'll have to explain it later on, I fear as I think he's got enough to understand in his little head at the moment.... But in time he might not ask....

It's a shock to everyone by the sounds of it and it has changed alot of peoples feelings and their lives.... You've got to look at all sides of this, the ex just finding out he's not the real father when he thought all along, he was, you finding out you're the father of a 7 year old, and your son thinking the ex was his father and now a stranger is....

That's unfortunately what you are to him at the moment, so in time he'll get to know you and realise what a wonderful person you are.... But you can't just expect him to change over night... Take him out and do fatherly things with him, take him fishing, do something on a one to one and let him have fun with you....

When he's ready you'll know and then tell him, if you feel he needs to know.... It might just get forgotten about...

I would suggest that if you do say something that you sit him down as a family ans ask him if he has any questions.... If it means all of you together, ex, mother and you then do it... You've got to understand is him that's suffering and he's needs to know the answer to things maybe rushing around in his head.... Answer them as honestly as you possibly can and simply, do leave things out if he ask, be open and honest is the best policy....

Whatever you do decide, good luck and in time he'll be fine, you all will be....

By the way congratulations....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Wow!! Congratulations and...geez that's a tough one..lol
I understand you wanting to marry his mother and building a life for him...now that you know he's your son. But I would make sure you set aside time, if you can, so that he can still see this other guy every so often if it's possible. It's almost like you're taking his dad away, even though you're his dad...you know? Ask him what he thinks or wants. He's 7. He knows what's going on. He's not stupid. I don't think adults give children much credit when it comes to how they think....you may be surprised!!! Good luck to all of you!!

Answer 7

You want to be the absolute winner, and the ex to be the absolute looser. But in fact, You don't deserve this and he doesn't deserve that. and she doesn't deserve any of you two.

The son instinct is right: you and she are only his biological parents.

If I were a judge, when the divorce is over, I will give the son to his true father " the ex ", and the hell to DNA.

Answer 8

There's 7 years to UNdo. That's not gonna be easy. Be honest with your son, and let him know how you feel, and what you've both missed together. However, DONT push anything. What if it doesnt work out with his mother, than what? Why put the kid thru all the drama?

Answer 9

Hitting a baby isn't the main appropriate decision. yet you may desire to understand that he became into indignant, his son is barely 7 and already smoking, think of what he might while he became into older? He probably had a majority of those questions working via his head. If I have been you i might tell him to touch the college and tell them what occurred. additionally ascertain the baby tells him who gave him the cigarette so as that they might stop the guy who became into giving it to minors till now they provide it to a pair different baby. tell him if that occurs returned that he might desire to first calm down and confer along with his son after, of course on occasion human beings have diverse approaches of discipline so shop that in the time of recommendations.

Answer 10

I think you should ask your son what would make him feel happy. How was the relationship between them? Were they very close or were they not so close. I think that a lot of that depends greatly on the details and circumstances of the situation.