As a Catholic, how do I deal with my best friend choosing to have an abortion?

Question

I know that it is wrong in the Catholic Church, but he is a non-denominational Christian and I am not sure how they view it. Also, is it different with him being a male (father) rather than being the female (mother)? I want to be as supportive as possible (to him and not the situation), but I just don't know what to do or say. He does not feel he is at a point in his life where he could support a child. This is twisting my stomach into knots.
Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks for all the responses so far. A couple people have brought up the point about the girl in this situation. So, I thought I would clarify that. They are unmarried and happened rather quickly as they have only known each other for roughly a month. I do not really know her, so I am unaware of her feelings on this, and I have not asked about it either.

Answer 1

Stop looking for other people to tell you how to react. Find out how you feel about it yourself.

Then either: a) support your friend, b) dump your friend and/or c) tlk to them about options (adoption).

Good luck,

A

Answer 2

You will only be truly "supportive" if your advice and/or actions serve the greater moral good. Truth be told, there is very little you can do - but that doesn't mean should shouldn't try.

I am going to assume the pregnancy in question was a "mistake". Remind your friend that God is perfect. He makes no mistakes. It is NOT an accident that he is to become a father. God has willed this child into the world.

Each and every one of us has a purpose; a reason for being born. We're not just here for the sake of being here. We have been sent here to accomplish a certain task; as task that is as unique as we are.

God has chose your friend(s) to bring this child into the world. God has entrusted your friends with this child. This child is to be in their care.

You friends have made a mistake - by having sex and risking pregnancy at a time when they believe it is not possible to support their child. You might be surprised but their biggest mistake is their assumption that they cannot support this child.

Please introduce them to Craig's List, and Free Cycle. They will, in no time at all, accumulate an abundance of baby stuff for a fraction of the cost they will spend in a store.

Tell them to start bying diapers NOW. One package per week until the baby is born. They need to locate a store, a pharmacy is the best bet, that will let them return the diaper packages and exchange them for the next size up, should the baby outgrow them before they are used.

Please remind him that abortion IS murder; mortal sin material. The womb is supposed to be the safest place in the universe for unborn human beings. Nothing, no actions or mistakes that they've made justify the greater evil of murdering the innocent. Tell them both what I have told you.

And, above all, pray!

Answer 3

As a fellow Catholic, I feel for you. May Christ strengthen you to do His work in this terrible situation.

The first thing you need to realize is that abortion isn't simply wrong in the Church - it's wrong, period. That's good for you because you don't need to worry about making denomination-specific arguments.

In terms of logical argument, I don't know how far you'll get with him. I take it he's probably panicking at this point, and wants nothing more than to resolve the situation as quickly as possible - to wash his hands of it.

If that is, in fact, the case, I think your strongest argument may be to say that this pregnancy was not, in fact accidental. He and his partner may not have intended it, but God put a soul into that child. His partner is carrying his son or daughter, and that's just scientific fact.

I would advise you to get in touch with his partner and find out what her views on things are. If he's not willing to support her - VOLUNTEER. Even if neither of them want to keep the child - volunteer to pay for the delivery, arrange for adoption, &c. Yes, I know it will be a financial burden on you - but you are saving a life, and that's priceless.

Hopefully your zeal will go some way in changing their hearts as well. This is a bad situation, but at the same time there is great potential for good in it.

Finally, as a personal note, I think you need to make sure of your feelings toward the situation. Pray unceasingly to God on behalf of the couple and their child, but put it in His Hands, as you know it is. Then do the best you can, and leave it there. Past that there is nothing you can do. God be with you.

Answer 4

Tell him there are other options like adoption ? No faith That I know of supports abortion.! Why would he kill a child when it just that he can't support it? It is no difference if he is male or female he will responsible for the sin just as well as the mother if he goes along with it. If he insists he is more guilty than the mom.

I would say straight out I love you as a friend but I cannot and will not support you in this. You will end up paying for this all your life and beyond has he never seen an abortion tape where they scrape the legs out from the womb pulling legs and arm parts out Or where they use the saline solution and literally scald that baby to death. They say as early as one month that babies are sucking there thumb in the womb how can he not say that that child's not alive with a spirit. I would tell him to watch a tape on abortion a real graphic one before he does this.
Does he really think he can live with himself after this.
A good friend tells you what they think when friends are making bad decisions You tell them I love you but I feel you are making a mistake.
Lets just say I speak from personal experience.


Diane

Answer 5

The first and most important thing is that you love and support your friend. You can share your concerns and beliefs and help look for options, but the Catholic Church does not automatically condemn those who have had an abortion (or helped someone get one) to hell, even though it is considered a sin of murder. Nor does the Church shun those who have committed the sin. For your own sanity, I suggest that you do not directly help in obtaining the abortion, but you can still be true to your faith while loving your friend.

Not everyone has the same beliefs about what is life and death and whatnot, and when it all comes down to it, this will be decided between each person and God. It isn't for us to judge - our job is to live our beliefs by example and love others as Jesus taught us. We, like God, love the sinner, NOT the sin.

Answer 6

I would be curious about what his wife@girlfriend thinks, after all she is the mom.
Just a comment to David t. about non denominational Christians comment. Denomination has nothing to do with Christianity, He is a christian just the same as far as we know and if so should know abortion is wrong.
My suggestion is to think of that life of the child's and talk to Him about putting child up for adoption. That way He has spared the child's life and given a couple who may not have children a chance to be parents and give child a happy life.

Answer 7

Wow that is tough. It is hard not to judge when you feel so strongly about something. I am very prolife and it would break my heart if my best friend told me she was having an abortion. Maybe you should help your friend research other options; adoption, financial assistance, etc. There are many people who would love to have that child. I will pray for you and your friend. Wishing you the best.

God bless,
Stanbo

P.S. Here is a website that may help you.

www.thecatholicfaith.com/Teachings

Click on "abortion".

Answer 8

Pray, maybe they should have thought of this before having sex...are they married if not they are just religious ....if they are married they could have use precautions, i cant afford a child therefore i dont have sex,,,harsh? no i couldnt think of having an abortion, my best friend had one and i was with her all the way, it felt as if i was having it and i still ask Gods forgivness...and she has physical pain from it, she doesnt know i it all started after the abortion and i know its becuz of her guilt the docs cant find a thing worng with her, but i know what it it. this is my whole point people want to live how they want to live then when caught in a situation they cry what do i do, follow Gods word and you cant go wrong. as for rape victims and ect... i do not hold them accountable for it, i dont know what i would do. actually i dont judge anyone on this case, it is hard but if we thought before we acted things would be different. as for me i dont want to be in that situation so i refrain from sex till im married and ready. good luck i hope all turns out ok. pray and just talk to God, no matter what religion you are Hes God.

Answer 9

Then do be supportive of him and not the situation. If you don't agree, then really you don't have to say anything about it, you can just try to bite your lip and concentrate on him instead. OR...if it comes up, or he already knows you don't agree with those things, there is probably nothing wrong with saying that "even though you know I don't agree with abortion, I want you to know I'm still here for you as your friend."

Answer 10

Support your friend in his misery. You do not know all the circumstances and it is more christian to comfort him than to kick him when he's down. Friends are forever and loved unconditionally.
You needn't do anything but listen and comfort. You have no idea the pain he's probably feeling and will be feeling for a long time.
Bless you.

Answer 11

As the man's best friend, I agree that you can tell him your opinion on the matter in a reasonable way. However, you did say it yourself that he is not a Catholic, so you can't expect him to make a life altering decision based on his friend's religious views. The best thing you can do is be there for him because no matter what his ultimate decision is, it will be hard for him to bare alone. Your role as a best friend shouldn't be making decisions for him, it should be comforting him after he makes a tough decision for himself.