My father died recently, and my mom id greiving very hard for him. But in the process when he pass on it took most of income, now she is making my family missreable about christmas because my husband and i can afford to give our children a great christmas, but we can not afford to pay her bills for her. We have offfered for her to come live with us till she gets back on her feet but that doesnt make her happy. What should we do to keep from hurting her and her hurting us?
2006-11-19 16:07:18 · 8 answers · asked by ethan_tonya 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Uh, her living with you all IS NOT The answer, put her in on of those...you know...adult retreats:) you get it Right?
2006-11-19 16:09:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry with your father passing and your mother grieving in financial hardship. Christmas can be a troublesome time when matters like this happen. Your mom will be extra sad, she might be like this for a very long time, this is part of the grieving process, You must talk to her while she is vulnerable and open, it won't be easy, it will be very emotional and even irritable but you must go and find out what she wants, she must have thought about this before while her husband was still alive at some point,you should ask her questions about how she feels about going into subsidized housing, I don't know how old she is but if she is elder, she could go into a nursing home if she doesn't want to be with you maybe a relative or a small bachelor apt. Ask her where she could imagine seeing herself ro live without being miserable. Dreams do come true even after the passing of a loved one..
2006-11-19 16:39:38 · answer #2 · answered by atantatlantis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to see your options. Its a shame that you prefer your children over the woman who took care of you when you were pooping in your diapers, went through childbirth for you and now she's finally lost her spouse...and all you can think of is that how your children should have a great christmas? Christmas is about giving, not buying really expensive gifts etc. You really should help out your mom and for her to live with you isn't such a great idea, since its obvious that you're not placing enough importance on her. She's right in grieiving for your dad, seems he's the only one who really loved her. You should get off your selfish horse, find your mom a smaller place to live or just help her out with your bills...set an example for you kids (tell them that Grandma needs help so can they do without their dumb new Playstation game this year?) so that one day, you won't find your kids unwilling to help you.
2006-11-19 16:25:07 · answer #3 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation for you all, and deepest sympathy on your loss. Your mom isn't unlike many women who find themselves with half an income when their spouse dies. She must learn to live on a great deal less. Your offer to take her into your home may cause more problems than it solves, if she does not live within her means. See if you can take her to your local bank branch and find out if they have a financial advisor who would be willing to talk to her about her situation. Then sit down with Mom and plan out her bill payments. You will have to be strong with Mom...Insist that she cut any extra credit cards. Leave her with one good, low interest, no annual fee credit card for emergencies and her debit card. Call those she owes, and see if there are ways to lower current payments due to her new financial status.
Utilities, and credit card companies are often willing to work with people on these problems if you and Mom are straight forward with them. Help your mother financially when it is comfortable to you to do so, otherwise this could be a drain on your marriage and your wallet. Helping your mother to plan a budget that she can live on is the better way to go. She may have to sell her current home in favor of a smaller, less expensive home, etc. She could use any profit from the sale of her old home to pay for her new smaller home and some of her bills she may have outstanding. Just some suggestions, but a good financial counselor/ planner would be a good idea. Try that first and go with her when she sees the counselor, so that you can help her with the new life she must face. Good luck to you all.
2006-11-19 16:21:57 · answer #4 · answered by teacupn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby that is your mother no matter what you think that you are a grown woman with a family now! Your mother brought you to this world and now her crutch is gone, do you want to take away her own little bit of self respect? Look I think that you could help your mother even after Christmas. Atleast meet your mother half way on this who else does she have but her kids or if you are an only child she only has to turn to now. Don't make your mother regret your birth. And remember if your mother cries about you then you are being curse and blite. Help the woman that brought you into this world who is she going to turn to me or all the others that are writing to you? She has you and face it or not she loves you and would try to get consolation for her loss. Think about it as though your husband died and you needed help then you wouldn't be buying fancy toys for your kids huh? Christmas has lost meaning to tangable, material things instead of the real meaning which was Christ's birth and it about giving as God gave his only son to us. Its about loving as God loved the world so much he agve his only son to die for our sins. Turn to God and make life easier for everyone. Maybe then you would learn to become a better person. By the time look up the meaning of Christmas and I don't mean in a dictionary I mean in a Bible.
2006-11-19 18:41:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a verbal substitute inclusive of your husband and attempt to talk to her a minimum of as quickly as each 2 weeks it extremely is obtrusive that she loves you the two and he or she is lonely it extremely is problematical to have self belief if she is in a relationship yet some human beings might nicely be in a relationship yet nevertheless be lonely. She misses her son and it extremely is no longer something incorrect with that. Why do no longer you adult adult males invite her over to circulate to you rather or pay for a million/2 her value ticket. stable success and carry in there. i could extremely choose for to have had in the time of my first marriage a mom that loves me and her son the way she do to you. i can think of it extremely is demanding yet carry in there her heart is interior the main astounding place. And only communicate on your husband and enable him be attentive to the form you experience and notice in case you 2 can arise with some techniques for his mom.
2016-11-25 20:42:57 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you can do is offer, if she refuses what else can you do ,you might offer to help her get a reasonable place to live and help her with her budget, and a tiny bit of cash, if you can afford it, but she has to live so she has to learn to cope
2006-11-19 16:15:07 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST TRY TO DO YOUR BEST THATS ALL YOU CAN DO
2006-11-19 16:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by ash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋