In my life promiscuity has been a thorn in my flesh, what do I need to do?

Question

When I was a child there were games that my cousins and I played that never seemed quite right. I got older and grew with this secret always feeling somewhat unclean. Then the teenage years came where older men looked at me in a way they shouldn't have. I lost my virginity when i was about 17. From then I seemed to always be going from one boyfriend to the next. I gave my life to God because there was something missing in my life. I wanted to be loved and yet never found it in any man. I found out when you give to life to God your bad habits don't automatically go away. The thing that makes me feel so filthy sometimes is that even the men at my church, married mostly, still 'come on to me'. These men are actively involved in the church, and the guy that I had an indiscretion with was too. I feel like this is a repetitive theme in my life that I need deliverance from but I couldn't confide this to anyone. My father was not a real part of my life.

Answer 1

I would use discretion with posting something lthis personal on a site like this; there are trolls...creeps...& very critical people on here.
Realize that sex, intimacy & love are all related, but different. Sex is to be within the confines of marriage. However, both love & intimacy are needs that can be met...with proper measures, of course, in everyday life.
I would seriously consider finding another place of worship. Seriously. You've already been wounded there. You deserve better.
You also need to develop a good support network of friends with whom you can be honest.
And, you may need an accountability partner of the same gender...someone who is more mature & stable, in whom you can confide & hold yourself accountable to them.
Keep a journal of your feelings. I keep mine on my computer. I don't do it daily; just when something is on my mind.

Answer 2

You are clean and pure , I hate the fact the religions have created circumstances like this I actually had a tear run as I read your comment as I have met too many people who have felt this way , You are obviously beautiful for all these men to come on to you , It does not make you weak or bad they are the ones who are weak , especially ones who imply they have religious convictions and still do this , A church will never be able to help with problems based around sexuality or sexual needs or desires their system of belief is to closed minded and arrogant , I have had relations with many people and I know that this will never devalue me in the eyes of God , no one has the right to judge your actions except the creator " Judge not lest ye be judged " I would advise you to leave the church for the time being and maybe get somewhat involved with a group of pagan / wicca , I believe they elevate the femine principles to the main role within their faith and it is also predominantly practised by women, this may help you to become more in touch with your inner self , and develop as a person don't leave completely but maybe just have a break, being around these people is not good for you

Answer 3

I am not sure if there is an organization similar to alcoholic anonymous. By what you just have said, maybe you will need a professional help.. look for a priest you can trust or a psychologist that may advise you on how you can control yourself. Do not let it take long that it may affect your health. Guilt is something much harder to erase in your mind but making it with different men may also give you something to worry about because you can get a disease that may surface to the gossiping church goers and the guilt can be overwhelming that may not help you decide with a proper mind. Do not blame your fatherless life this time as much as possible, look for a cure.

Answer 4

Your father was not apart of your Life? That's why you keep seeking a relationship with men or are easily persuaded into one when someone comes on to you. The reason you see the theme repeating itself over and over in your environment and in church is because the spirit of perversion that is attached to alot of other men recognize the same spirit that is still trying to get you to sin. You can be saved and delivered spiritually but sometimes those same spirits can influence you outwardly by tempting you. It doesn't mena you lose your salvation by repeating old sin but it is a chance for you to lean on God for strength and understanding and you will see victory if you don't give up. It is true that old habits (especially lustful ones) don't die away so easily even if someone acceptes Christ as Lord and Savior. But it can be done. I knew a man who was abused sexually as a child and teen, and he became gay and years later he got saved thru Christ and he said he had an encounter after he got saved and when he went thru with the homosexual encounter he felt dirty and disgusted with it. He noticed a differance between the times before and the time after his salvation that it was not as enjoyable. He hated what he did and decided that from that point on He would become celibate and focus on the Lord and his relationship with Him. He was successful for 4 years and then he found a woman who was also a christian they got married and now have 5 children. But I'm sure he still has some struggles with old thoughts. As long as he does'nt act them out and he confesses the thoughts to the Lord daily he will be successful at concoring the old thoughts or even desires. Satan knows all of our weaknesses and plays with us and our thoughts. The battle ground starts in the mind. Your real Father is a heavenly one. He is the one you should seek a relationship with daily. Let go of your desires, ignore and turn away from any men that come on to you, train yourself to look away from men and ask God to help you turn you thoughts into godly ones. He understands our struggles. It all takes time.

Answer 5

The church is good at making people feel guilty. I think you should leave it for a start. The guilt that it provides will only lower your self esteem and confidence.

Praying won't do any good. You need to take control of your life, develop confidence to say no. Learn to love and respect yourself and you will feel fullfilment and will not fall into these poor relationships.

It's your life, don't depend on others for support.

All the best

Answer 6

I wish I had some magical solution for you. I have known women who have always looked for love through sex. They only find that lust is not love.

You should concentrate on your own self esteem. Your self worth should never be measured by how another person sees you, or if another person loves you. Those feelings will only lead to hurt and pain. Be happy and confident in your own skin. Just be who you are and accept yourself as a whole person, faults and all.

I may spend the rest of my life alone, but you know what? I know that I can do that and still love and respect myself. You are not me, and it is likely that your fate is different than mine. That is good.

I wish you well.

Answer 7

Let me say that you are basing your premise that sex drive is bad. There is the flaw. You have to look at ourselves as a culture, we are one unit in a group and the things that the culture uses to divide and judge become holy. In other words the repressed energies of the culture will manifest themselves in a weaker part of the culture. The best example is pornography, it only exists because our society judges it as evil, as soon as we do not have repressed desires that we judge, porn will no longer have appeal. Your angst is based in self-judgment, there was nothing unclean about your childhood experience, it was just that, experience, thus a good thing. You will find that religion is the culprit behind most of your pain, seperate the things that the religion helps you and the things that they hurt you. as you learn and grow from this trauma teach others the lesson you learn....

Answer 8

I hope your initial question was meant seriously and not as a play on words... either way... ahem...

I personally don't believe in God. I do know that if you have a genuine problem... one that affects other areas of your life or hurts yourself or others - and this sounds like that is the case - you could benefit from treatment with a good therapist. Best of luck.

Answer 9

you need to pray to god, and ask him to deliever you from this unclean life. Try dressing up nicely and so forth, try looking for guidance, go upto someone in church you can feel u can trust, or someone you know closely like a friend, cousin, siblings. And mostly read god's word and pray.

Answer 10

I used to have this same problem when I was a young woman. After I became born again, it stopped. I began studying the bible and found out how God would have me live. The more you immerse yourself in the things of God, the less room satan will have to keep that part of you in bondage. Just stop sleeping with men. Just stop it. If you have to, pray every single day for God to keep you pure. Remember Jesus said, don't worry about tomorrow, each day has enough trouble of its own. I pray to God that He purify you heart, mind and body...that He restore to you your purity and your virtue, and that you allow Him to set your feet on a righteous path, in Jesus' name.