In a non-violent, just friendly relationship (not married, just living together, i like u but not love u) is it always better to live together and let the kids (ages 7 and 9) think mommy and daddy are happily married? What if one of the parents (at least) would be much happier with someone they were actually in love with? Can two people co-parent successful and healthy children and also live their own life? At what age would children understand this?
2006-11-19 13:48:42 · 15 answers · asked by bathagent 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Kids know the difference between love and like. Even if two people get along wonderfully the kids will know. Children model the behavior they see. A parent needs to ask themselves "would I want my child to live like this when they are an adult."
2006-11-19 13:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by katherinernilson 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
7 and 9 are good ages for kids to understand things. If things aren't violent in the home, then what you should do is set the children down and explain to them that mommy and daddy don't love each other anymore but still want to be friends. Explain to them that it's nothing they have done, that they haven't been bad or anything. Tell them that no matter what mommy and daddy will always love them, even if they aren't together anymore. Try to give them a chance to ask questions and answer them honestly. It's never good to stay together "for the sake of the kids". Kids are smarter than what us adults give them credit for. Chances are they already know to a certain extent that things aren't right between the two of you. Hope that this helps and I hope that things work out for the best for you and your family no matter what path you take!!!!! Good luck!!!!
2006-11-19 14:24:49 · answer #2 · answered by Crystal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is NEVER better to just stay together for the kids. the happier you are, the happier your kids will be. Believe it or not, you are modeling their future relationships. You can still co-parent in separate homes. You might actually even be better parents. It may work for now, but it will get bad eventually. My advice is split up now, while you still have a good relationship, and can keep it that way. You must do what you feel is right in your heart, this is just my opinion!
2006-11-19 14:40:18 · answer #3 · answered by Amanda D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a single mom of a very happy and healthy child. If you are lucky enough to have a partner that would be able to stay civil and help you with the children then you need to do what is best for you. I don't think staying together for the children is best for them. Children sense when the parents aren't happy even if they aren't vocalizing it. If you and your partner can sit with the children and talk to them about what is happening and how you still love them and are going to stay friends and work together to raise them then they will appreciate it. Maybe not now but some day.
2006-11-19 13:57:18 · answer #4 · answered by Becky R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At age 7 and 9 your children are bound to already recognize some signs of unhappiness and children usually do not want their parents to be unhappy. My parents are still together after almost 12 years of marriage (my step-mother adopted me) however I know, as well do all of my siblings understand that our parents are not happy together. Think of it this way, would you like your children to stay in a relationship in which there was not any love? Essentially that is what you are causing because while both of their parents may love them seeing the friction of parental unhappiness will essentially start to make the children unhappy eventually.
2006-11-19 14:01:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i don't believe it is best to stay together for the children. if you think you can make it work maybe staying together could be an option but if one of you are in love with someone else, it would be better to remain friends without problems and be happy. i think two people can successfully raise children without being with each other. the kids may or may not understand this at their ages, but they may eventually get used to it especially if you remain close as parents and always put the children first. hope this helps.
2006-11-19 14:32:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kids pick up on things more than you may realize. The older they get, the more they may realize that your relationship isn't based on love. As hard as it can be for kids to grow up in two homes, it would be even more difficult to grow up in a house where the parent's relationship is "forced" or a lie. I think that setting an example for your kids by having a loving relationship is better than staying together if you're not in love with the other person.
2006-11-19 13:57:51 · answer #7 · answered by speed_goddess18 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Immediately. Kids are tuned to know if there's connection with mum and dad. They might not know the problem, or even understand the concept of marriage (I always thought my parents were born together...okay I was 5 but still) Kids don't realize that you are an individual, and had a life before their dad and vise verse about him.
If you are in love with another man, living like this will only further complicate things for your child. Leave the father of the child, and go with the one you love. Make every conscious effort to bring no malice to your child per their father.
2006-11-19 13:56:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If living together makes the parents unhappy, the kids will know this and only teach them that living a lie is healthy and normal.
I know many children who thrive between their happy and divorced parents.
2006-11-19 14:51:30 · answer #9 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Never stay together "for the kids".
Kids are smarter than we think and will know something is not right. It can hurt them psychologically and they will wonder why two people who don't love each other are still living together.
Best for the couple to move on with their separate lives.
2006-11-19 13:58:14 · answer #10 · answered by Tara662 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋