Honest serious answers only please. Okay my family is so screwed up?

Question

My parents divorced about 11 years ago after 35 years of marriage. Holidays, are nothing any of us can look forward to, even though my sister, brother and myself are all in our early 40's. No one gets along at the holidays, everything is fragement, and regardless of what is done, the other parent accusses us of being parchial to the other. My brother is a dictator, I have had a Staph Infection called MRSA, his 22 month old daughter has one as well. He blames me for her getting it, and I haven't been around here since I was first diagnosised 5 months ago. My sister and I were on the phone a little while ago and we both are crying because our family is so damn screwed up. I'm so unhappy, and have had trouble, lots of trouble sleeping lately due to all the turmoril and friction with in the family. My husband says it's crazy and has suggested we simply stay at home Thanksgiving and have our own meal, just the two of us. I can't stand my brother, love my sister dearly. Help

Answer 1

I think your husband has the right idea.

There is no reason to subject yourself to unpleasant people, whether they are family or not. Life is too short. Just enjoy a quite dinner with your hubby. TV gives us this idea that we are all supposed to have warm fuzzy holidays with are eccentric but endearing relatives, and let's face it--your reality is probably more the norm. My family sucks, too and I am cooking my own dinner. Like I said, life is too short.

Answer 2

I have reread your question several times, and I am afraid, I have no solution for you. I am so sorry for all this turmoil in your life. I believe your husband may have the best idea. Or better yet, if you can...pack a bag for you both and take off. If you don't do anything other than go to the next town. My family did this last year. There is a town that decorates for Christmas, we packed up and went.

Start your own family traditions, if you want to invite your sister to your home for Thanksgiving then do so. Your brother will proably blow a gasket, but it seems that Mr. Dictator has gotten his way for way too long. I don't like people upset with me either, I like perfect harmony, but this is real life we are talking about. lol Since, no one gets together for the holidays, then your brother shouldn't expect an invitation. You and your sister dry those tears and start planning your feast.

Please get some rest, and hold on to that lovely husband you have. You got a turkey dinner to cook or a bag to pack. Forget the worries, believe you aren't the only one that has a disfunctional family. You can't make people do what is right, I know I have tried. You focus on your husband and the sister who shares your heartache. It's easier said than done, but you need to try, because if you don't stop it's going to effect your relationship with your husband. And he doesn't deserve that, he deserves more, just like you do. You grab him and give him a hug and a kiss, and ask what kind of pie he wants for dessert! Ok, we got a plan, now get buzy.

Praying for your family that you all can find a solution to all the unhappiness and a way to connect without all the hurt.

God bless us all..................

Answer 3

Wow, are you my sister?... Just kidding, but believe me, you are not alone in what you are going through. Every family might be a little different but it really ends up being close to the same story... That's pretty sad isn't it?... My answer to Thanksgiving was to go to my husbands families side this year. Normally we go with mine, but you know what, we need a break this year.... If you don't feel like going, then don't. If you feel bad about it, then come up with a good story that will make you feel better about saying that you won't be there..... No sense in letting them drive you crazy on the holidays...

Answer 4

I completely agree with skizzle-d. I could not have said it better myself. I too have a disfunctional family and have the same type of problems except my father is very good a puttin me on a guilt trip. Funny thing is.....when I started making excuses to miss the holidays and stay at home with my hubby (and this took several holidays)......the guilt trips stopped and my father started putting his foot down on the rest of the gang to straighten up so we can enjoy the holidays together. Last Christmas turned out to be a great time had by all.

Good Luck I feel your pain.

Answer 5

I know it's hard when the holidays come around,things seem more intensafied, your husband is right,in a way,do you have any friends who have no one on the holidays,maybe you could invite them over, also your sister, I know you don't want to hurt your brother, but maybe if he's not invited he'll see the error of his ways, or he won't, listen you can't go around trying to please everyone else, make your self happy, your husband needs you,does he have any family you could invite? Why don't you do something for you, just to please you, your important!!!!! good luck and happy holidays

Answer 6

Tell them how u feel about them. U have to be closer to ur family so u will know their problems and get to know more and not be like so full of hatred. Try to make things out. Try to invite ur families and if ur brother or anyone doesn't want to, then convince them to come. I hope u will be all right.
Good luck.

Answer 7

I would do like you hubby says,
Stay at home have your own dinner and if your
sister wants to have dinner at your house with you than thats what I would do...Start your own family tradition this year ...save yourself alot of upset and turmoral...If your sis doesnt want to be at your house for dinner she can always stop by before the day is over..I wouldnt do another year with so much bull.

Answer 8

I have been fighting with my sister for years and we too eat dinners at home. It hurts my parents and I am sad about that, but they cannot find anything wrong in what she has done to me. I hope it doesn't stay this way forever.

Answer 9

You know what I am going to make this quick--Its like this -when family starts pushing and pulling on you and making you crazy ?? It makes you just want to rid yourself of them --that happened to me--I told everyone this--So you love me?? Ok then stop making me choose sides everyone either needs to grow up and get along or leave me the hell alone so I can live happy
God Bless you

Answer 10

You should just tell your family that you are not feeling up to company or up to visiting anyone, and stay home! You could make arrangements to see your sister soon.