Can you really make it work after someone has cheated?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year I recently found out that he dated another girl in the very begining of our relationship. He had lied to me early on in the relationship about until I confronted him then he came clean told me he was scarred to tell me the truth because he was affraid of loseing me. I love him very much and I know that he is a good person and everyone around me thinks he is a good guy. I am hurt by it but I am trying to move on is it possiable for us to make this work?

Also is it possiable that he did just make a mistake and that he really was affraid of losing me?

Answer 1

The simple answer is yes…. and your case may be even more so.

I'm not actually sure he'd cheated…. I'm not even sure most guys would think about it that way. Now that everyone's going… what???

You said he dated another girl in the VERY beginning of your relationship. One possibility he was switching from a relationship he was getting out of to you… it just wasn't over with yet. Or he was dating both of you for short period and you were the right girl for him. I think your point that “…did he make a mistake and was really afraid of losing me?” (by telling you) is probably correct after all it did work until now.

In one way you should look at this as a complement (who.. said male chauvinist pig !!) Sounds like he had an equal opportunity to go in either direction. He chose you… and you've said nothing about him thinking twice or trying to contact the other girl. So it sounds like his decision was sound and permanent.

You love him, you feel good about him, other people feel good about him (that's not always the case) so I think the good outweighs the….Ba…. bad is too strong a word… let's say the misunderstanding. Relationships are full of misunderstandings. To love someone is to know that misunderstandings will always happen. You have to work them out and get them out of your head. That's important because if you carry around a bag of history with you it becomes harder and harder to go forward because that bag gets very heavy.

Mark
Author GirlsTellAll
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Everyone ask so - (the girl in the photo was the model for the book cover)

Answer 2

Yes, it is very possible. There are many men that would never admit to cheating, even if it was early in the relationship. If he was afraid of losing you, then that means he cares for you. It doesn't matter what everyone thinks about your guy, just what you think about him. He's still with you isn't he? You've been able to trust him for over a year, why doubt him now? He fessed up.

The only thing really and truelly keeping you apart, is you. Now, I'm not telling you to stay with him. I'm trying to tell you that he cares for you, and if you really care back it will work. Tell him how it made you feel. If you get through this it will make you closer. It's really your decision.

Answer 3

Wow what a flashback. I heard the exact same story after I found out my ex-husband was cheating (for the first time). I believed him and tried to forget, but every time he was home late from work I always wondered where he was and who he was with. I never accused him of cheating again. Several years later (before the divorce) he came to me and told me he didn't know what he wanted and didn't know if he loved me anymore or not and he was moving out and leaving me and our three kids (ages 8, 10, and 12). After our divorce I found out from a friend that he had cheated our whole relationship. My friend told me she didn't tell me because she knew how much I loved him and that he would lie and I would believe him and it would cost us our friendship. She was probably right. My eyes are open now and I hate to tell you this but... once a cheater always a cheater don't waste your life, love, and happiness giving a cheater another chance. There is someone out there who is deserving of your love and devotion.

Answer 4

It is possible. I have a very similar situation which happend to me with my now wife. For months after we were dating she was cheating. I kinda knew it, but she denied denied denied. It was about 2-1/2 months after we bought our house that she finally confessed after I kept pressing the issue, because I think she knew I that I knew. All is pretty well now, but every once in a while I do still wonder about it. She did tell me the exact same thing about the whole "losing me" story, so, take that for what it's worth and good luck!!

Answer 5

"In the very beginning" are the key words here. It takes time for a relationship to become serious so he probably went out with the other chic before he actually got serious about you. Blow it off. Where is he now, a year later?

Answer 6

Some people use the phrase listen to your gut well I use listen to your heart. Your heart know everything. If your heart says you should stay with him and it would work this time then listen to it. If it don't then listen to it. Your heart is your everything. Listen to it. Trust me I've been throught the same thing your going through.

Answer 7

it may be possible for it to work but anytime youre not together youll wonder where hes at or what hes doing.trust is a hard thing to get back,especially when it comes to cheating and lying.ask yourself this would he forgive you

Answer 8

Only if you can forget about it because otherwise it will eat away at you forever. Trust is a hard thing to get back.

Answer 9

if you respect your self you will leave. no its not possible, atleast in my opinion, to make it work after cheating. once he has done it one time he is more likely to do it again and think he will get away with it. you can do better for youe self than lying and cheating.

Answer 10

yes especially if it was when you guys were new-he didnt know what he had yet...just talk it through and make it clear that you need to know he wouldnt do it now or ever again-talk in depth about what it means to be committed to each other and that cheating has no excuse no matter what circumstances he may find himself in