I feel as though I have failed my son.?

Question

I'm not really sure why I feel this way. Today is his 8 b-day and I had a family party for him last night. He got alot of presents and was surrounded by loved ones. I am also throwing him a bowling party in Dec., but I am a single mom and money is tight so he is only allowed to invite 8 guests.
Today I took him bowling and sang happy b-day after dinner.
I always had tons of presents and lavish b-day parties as a kid, I am unable to do this for my son so I feel like a failure.
I guess I'm just looking for some support. I am trying my best, but I feel it's not good enough. Do I have a reason to feel as though I am letting him down? I am really upset. I wish I could do more for him.

Answer 1

Nicole-
It sounds like you are doing just fine. You say he is only allowed 8 friends? That's really pretty standard.
Spend the rest of the evening with him- off the computer and make sure you ask him "did you have a good birthday?" before you guys head off to bed tonight. I bet he will say yes. Then you can remind him he still has his party to look forward to as well.

Answer 2

First off let me tell you that No you have not/are not failing your son!! It's very obvious that you love him very much! Having the family party for him and then taking him bowling is enough. Try not to feel bad, you are doing the best you can at this time. You say that you always had lavish parties w/lots of presents, I assume you also had/have 2 parents. How do you think that you would have felt IF you hadn't had the lav. parties & presents but your parents did the same thing for you that you are doing for your son. You would have known that they loved you anyway, right? Parties & presents aren't near as important as your Love! And I am assuming from your question & the feelings that you have stated, that he knows you love him. Just make sure that he always knows that & your lack of monetary things will be deeply out-weighed by love!!
Now quit being upset, give him a Big hug & kiss, put him to bed. Have some coffee, tea, hot choc. or whatever you would like, listen to some music, watch a movie or even better, take a nice long bubble bath. And know that you are doing all right!!
God bless you both!

Answer 3

You are giving your son what he really needs. He doesn't need a ton of expensive gifts or lavish parties or every toy/game that he asks for. He needs to be surrounded by family and friends.
And, being a single mother, he needs your undivided time. Not every minute of your time, but good, quality, interactive time to listen to his day, help him with his questions and sooth him when life is unkind to him.
I've been there - raising a son alone - and I know the trap of trying to buy everything - take him everywhere. It doesn't make for a happy kid or a responsible child.
I grew up in what now would probably be called "upper-lower class" - things were tight, and I didn't get all the new toys or games. Can I remember all the things I didn't get? No. What I do remember is I had the best relationship with my mom. Truly, the best - the kind that made my friends jealous. The same friends who had more than we did.
It's priority - where to you place yours, and where will your son learn to place his.
Love him, unconditionally - and enjoy him. I think that parents, especially those of us who are going this alone, can forget that we need to relax and enjoy our children. I can tell you first hand - they DO grow up way too fast. Mine is now married, and I have an adorable grandson. And, now, my grandson is growing up too fast ----- sigh...........

Answer 4

He's 8. He doesn't care. As parents we look at everything based on OUR childhood. He was happy to go bowling with his mom. I am crazy when it comes to my kids. I grew up very poor with absolutely nothing. I have two kids (girls age 14 and 5.) And I always go way overboard. They have everything I never had and I make sure of it. When my oldest daughter was starting Pre-K (yes, Pre-K) I was afraid the other kids would judge her (like I was when I was a kid) so I went to gap kids and spent $1500 on school clothes. lol. Of course, at FOUR the kids could care less......the other kids her first day looked dirty to me - because, um their KIDS and that's what they do. Her very expensive nice clothes looked the same way by the end of the day. It was all in my mind. Over the years there have been several more times that I was so wrong. I'm blessed to make great money. And somehow in spite of me, my kids have turned out well adjusted and unmaterialistic. I have been buying abercrombie, gap and areo clothes. I said to my 14 year old just the other day (because I'm paranoid) if there was anything the other kids had that she didn't (all I wanted growing up was a pair of nikes and cio bag) and she said "What do I care what the other kids think?" LOL! Our kids are far smarter then we give them credit for and in the end what matters to them is that we loved them and did the best we could.

Answer 5

First of all, props to you for stepping up and doing what you need to do to care for your son. I cannot imagine how difficult this time must be for you. I must say that I am surprised by the doctors diagnosis - bipolar and schizophrenia. It would seem to me that he's too young to encounter such psychological problems, but I am not a doctor. Did they do a CAT scan or anything? You might want to get a second opinion before putting him on anti-psychotic medication, as they are very powerful and have some pretty debilitating side effects, especially after prolonged use. But it sounds like you're doing the best you can, and as long as you are there for him, you will never fail him. As far as activities to do with him ... maybe something artsy (I've heard it's theraputic) like painting, going to the zoo, anything outdoors. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that you're spending time with him. I wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 6

honestly when i was growing up i didnt have to much, there were times when my birthday presents wouldnt come until about 3 or 4 months later just to meet the familys needs, and growing up and having my mom and dad tell me why it is happening like it was, was frustrating but i understood, and i always did get what i wanted. and im not saying we were poor, it's just the things i wanted werent things they could afford right away. and now that i have grown and i am a single father to a wonderful 3 year old. i realize that my parents loved me and did everything they could for me. so what your doing is actually a really good thing, it's on time he got plenty of presents the day before and bowling... i cant even afford to go bowling sometimes, so taking him and 8 guests is plenty, your doing a wonderful job, just remember that honesty and love is what they need most.

Answer 7

I bet your son is glad his mom loves him so much. When he's 30, he'll be telling his kids what a great bowling party he had as a kid and what fun family get-togethers he had growing up. Giving him a sense of security and family is most important. He'll grow up to be a loving man and father some day.

I was like you. Mom gave us big parties and lots of presents and friends over. Thinking back, I can't remember a single present really, or what type of cake it was. Only that I was the special girl that day. (we did get to pick our own sugar cereal for breakfast ~ which was our treat for the year) And I remember one year I had a sleep over with my friends. Other than that, all I know is I was loved. So it will be with your son.

Answer 8

Money can't buy love. Just love your son from your heart. He will understand the concept of love and money as he gets older. I went through the same thing. Today my 4 sons are 18-15-13-12 years old. They are very responsible with their money, and they know that if you have no money.......you will ALWAYS have your family. My boys life is heading down the right path... they are not trouble makers and they are on the honor roll and my 18 year old son is a Army National Guard Soldier.

Answer 9

You sound like a very loving mother. It's not about giving a lot of material things and having big parties. Trust me. When he grows up the memories of having a small party surrounded by loved ones and a mom that took him bowling will warm his heart and put a smile on his face.

Answer 10

If you love him and show it to him: It is more important than all of the material gifts in the world. Try to make time for him and give him attention. Love him and don't worry about the rest!

I can't tell you the number of spoiled rich kids I have known who were all messed up because their parents substituted material things for love.

If he feels cheated by not having the things that other kids have then sit down and explain the situation to him, in a friendly, frank and loving matter. If he is a normal kid he will probably understand and thank you for it.