A family member I love has a personality disorder...or is that just phycho babble and the fact is that she is just plain mean and selfish? I asked her to leave me and my family alone and now I feel guilty, how do I reconcile with her and still keep a safe distance?
2006-11-19 12:24:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
No, having a personality disorder is not psycho babble. I have
Boarderline Personality Disorder & I am perfectly sane.
What did she do that upset you? That is where to start. We
can't answer your question with such vague info.
If she is just a pest, be nice, explain to her, if she is spending
too much time bothering you, that your busy & she can't come
over today?? Put a limit on the amount of time she spends so
she doesn't drive you nuts. If she is mean & selfish, who are
you to judge? Yes, she has a problem, does that mean you
have to condemn her? If you asked her to leave you alone,
you must have had a good reason? right? I would invite her
to lunch and have a heart to heart talk with her, see where SHE
is coming from - you just might be surprised! Maybe this is the
very thing she needs from you. And don't be afraid to tell her
that she must follow your boundaries - if she becomes unruly,
she'll be asked to leave. I think if you are straight up with her,
she will see the error of her ways. And you will have the time
you need to do whatever without her hanging around 24/7.
Try it.
2006-11-19 13:17:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to set boundries! If you asked her to leave your family and you alone, was it for a good reason, or just spur of the moment? Either way, tell her how you feel, and then give an explanation for this feeling, hopefully it will open unexplained behavior that may be ocurring between you both. If it can not be resolved "Tell how much you Love her, but it can not go on the way it has been" Phycho Babble? alot of serious injuries have ocurred when medications are not taken and or the right ones' have not been given. You must stand on the side of your family, and when and if a change is observed for the better, ease her back into your life slowly and re-evauate every so often. Life is soo short, you do not need mean and selfish persons in it, there's is enough of that already.. :o)
2006-11-19 12:37:29 · answer #2 · answered by Jamaison D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason to feel guilty about the choice you made. Asking an abusive relative to leave you alone is not unreasonable. You may not be able to reconcile the relationship with her unless she is willing to change her behavior toward you and your family. If she is not willing to do that, then you are better off without her.
2006-11-19 12:34:27 · answer #3 · answered by lynda_is 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, I have a Mom who does drugs, I will tell you that I wouldn't even try to reconcile with her. Keeping a distance is the best thing I think. Maybe you will see her in Heaven when nobody has any sicknesses and you can reconcile there.
2006-11-19 14:53:38 · answer #4 · answered by soniaelizabethann 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That could be difficult. I'm not sure you can do both, especially if she is still psychotic and abusive. You could talk to her about what kind of contact is acceptable, for example to call and ask permission before visiting, or you will meet her someplace but don't want her at your home.
2006-11-19 12:29:40 · answer #5 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she is being abusive to you and your family I wouldn't have anything to with her unless she seeks help. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You sound like your fed up and your trying to protect yourself and your family from her. She does have options to help herself, all you can do is tell her you wish she would seek help and that unless she did and started treated you and your family better she's not welcome. There is no shame or guilt in doing that. Hang in there. Stick by your guns.
2006-11-19 12:44:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are best to let all things lie and pretend forgetfulness. Be safe in a safe place. Study this stuff on line on answers and in chat to prepare yourself.
2006-11-19 13:21:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my opinion, If you want to be a part of her life do it completely passively and if possible do it 'under the table'~ if she feels abandoned do things to her understanding... possibly like a "business deal"... if all else fails talk to her until she gets tired of you...... I'm sorry if these answers sound bad.... you take care of yourself ok.
2006-11-19 12:46:35 · answer #8 · answered by Lester S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depending on the relation, i would recommend go to family counseling to straighten things out.
2006-11-19 12:33:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send a card and keep your distance
2006-11-19 12:33:01 · answer #10 · answered by smilingmick 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋