My husband belives in using spanking when our boys misbehaive or are disrespectful in a more serious way. The boys are my husbands but i adopted them legaly when we got married. My 9 year old hit me today and my husband wanted to spank him but i stoped him. We disagree on this method. Although our son is a strong willed child i think we should insist with groundings and bannings, taking priviledges away. Do you think that considering my husband is the biological parent i should let him have the final decision and not interfer ?
2006-11-19 11:22:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
i was spanked as a child and trust me it works on improving a child's behavior. it instills discipline and your children will grow up into wonderful obedient adults one day. you can use both ideas though if you want to get used to the idea for a while. depending on how serious the disbehaving is. if one of the children stick their tongue out at you or something that minor then wash out their mouths with soap. sounds disgusting buts that's what happened to me if i said a bad word or spit my tongue out at my parents. if they misbehave like hitting you or having a fit in a grocery store that's when you need to spank them. or say 'wait till your father comes home'. then they know to be good cause they're gonna get a spanking. grounding and taking privileges away usually works better when kids are very young. as they get older its not a vital punishment.
let your husband do the spanking but back him up in front of the children or they'll put you two against each other. if need be you can spack him, or just put your fingernails in their arm and that'll be your way of physical punishment whereas your husband's will be worse. but they'll both work when raising your kids.
as for your 9 yr old hitting, he needs a firm hand to his back side and your husband was right. if your husband tells him never to hit you again and spanks him, that kid will learn and never hit you again. physical punishment may seem cruel to some people but trust me a little spanking is nothing compared to what i got and i turned out fine.
2006-11-19 11:32:26 · answer #1 · answered by collgegrl11 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did your son ever come to hit you in the first place? Violence isl earned behaviour. Your husband was probably spanked as a child and never learned any other way to deal.
I suggest both you and your husband go to a couple of parenting classes and stop the cycle now before your son is hitting your grandchildren. You may not think so but spanking is violet and not very effective. Better to get him focusing on critical thinking.
2006-11-27 09:23:44 · answer #2 · answered by mary57whalen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is treating your son (you said you adopted them and now they are yours as well) wrong so your son is acting wrong.
Think about all the day care's in America that do not spank any child there and the children do not resort to this kind of behavior..
A nine year old should defiantly know better than to hit...
By all means take some privileges away from both father and son.
2006-11-27 09:23:28 · answer #3 · answered by uldatnmo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to be their mother, then you should be their mother in all aspects. You two need to sit down and work this out. However, don't let your children see you argue about this. No matter what, parents should present a united front. This means that if you disagree about punishment, work it out now, or just say "your father and i have to discuss what your punishment should be", and step away. If you do decide to spank, this also gives you an opportunity to cool down first, which in my opinion, is a good thing. I believe, you should have a say in their punishment, but the two of you should work together to decide what methods to use!
2006-11-19 11:33:53 · answer #4 · answered by Amanda D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are the childrens mum now so dont let the children believe they can work you against their dad.my children have grown now and my two boys were little horrors and they got a smack on their butt when they were really naughty , but most of the time they were grounded to their room, that seemed to work. i am not opposed to spanking and i never had any trouble at my door ie visits from police.they have grown into wonderful hardworking young men and im very proud of them.there isnt a rule book on parenting so just do what you think is right
2006-11-26 02:05:53 · answer #5 · answered by lynette_shaw2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Biological parents don't always make the right decisions. The boys are yours as much as they are his now that you are married. If you disagree, then experiment by alternating the punishments. If the non-violent method works better, then stick with it. If spanking works, then it works.
2006-11-19 11:26:32 · answer #6 · answered by SN 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He spanks his kids! He started with that, so let it continue. Spank all the boys when they need it.
If your husband gets carried away and starts 'abusing' the boys, then you step in.
2006-11-19 16:38:01 · answer #7 · answered by Jas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are this child's mother now and must intervene on his behalf. Ask your husband this "how can you teach a child not to hit, by hitting them?" This seems like an innappropriate consequence for the behavior. You are just as much this childs parent as he is.
2006-11-19 11:29:52 · answer #8 · answered by katherinernilson 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys should experiment. Try your way for awhile and let children know your way maybe they will respect it and want to do better. if it doesn't work allow your husband to spank them that usually works.
2006-11-27 09:19:26 · answer #9 · answered by Bambi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Hell No he didn't hit you yes let the father interfer and spank them I mean maybe they woun't do it again.
2006-11-26 08:24:00 · answer #10 · answered by Precious S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋