Grief? Mom just died?

Question

my mom died 2 months ago, i need some personal support. does anyone know a place where i can get some support? or do you have any comforting advice? also, i am only 14..my brother is 8 but he acts as if nothing happened. is this normal?

Answer 1

Baby talk to your dad if you can, he will be more than willing to listen to your feelings and trust me he will know what you are going through, he is as well, it will do you both a world of good. How do I know? My wife passed away 3 years ago, we had two girls together they were 10 and 11 at the time. I will offer you my ear as well, talking is sometimes the best therapy of all just to know someone is there to listen to you. You may contact me through my email here (it's blind email but gets to me) if you would like I can also talk to my girls about you writing them as well, they do understand believe me. We still talk about their mom almost everyday in one way or another but it gets easier to talk about. As for your brother he will deal with all of it in his own way, Sis was 10 when mom passed away and didn't grieve anything at all like KT did and Sis was closer to her mom. She almost acted as if nothing had happened for several months and wouldn't really talk about it. One day several months later she came to me and broke down crying and just sat in my lap for over two hours and poured her little heart out. It took time for her and then had to be her time to deal with it. So don't be harsh on your brother because he isn't reacting like think he should, he will deal in his terms when he is ready, it may be tomorrow or in a year, just let him kmow you are there and so is his extended family, people who care and will listen when he needs to talk.

Hospice can be a wonderful help also, we didn't do outside councelling except with our pastor and he was a great help too. My own mother had passed away two years before my wife so even though it was later in life I understand it too. We will all be there for you and hold you steadfastly in our prayers and will be willing to listen anytime you need us to. You have my deepest sympathy and understanding, it's never easy when a young lady has to deal with such circumstances but rest assured it does get easier to deal with and you will always have her memories in your heart and mind and know that she will always love you and your brother.

Answer 2

You should contact Hospice. I know that while someone is dieing they give counseling and support. I am not sure about after wards, but if not, they can lead you in the right direction.

As far as your brother is concerned, I would say that he possibly could use some counseling too. Different people grieve in different ways but someone needs to talk to him.

Who is raising you guys now? Are they helping in any way with the grieving process? Go to your school counselor and ask for help. It is hard to loose a loved one but at your age it has to be the toughest of all. Don't be afraid to ask anyone you can think of or that you trust, for help.

My heart goes out to you honey and if you ever want someone to chat with me just e-mail me through here. I have had cancer and had 18 surgeries. I survived it Thank goodness.

Answer 3

Everyone grieves at different stages. Your brother is probably grieving in his own way. U will always miss your mom..she was a part of you and you loved her. Maybe you should talk to a school counselor or some other adult you feel comfortable around. Maybe an outside therapist would be good. In some cities the hospitals offer grief support groups...GL..I wish you the best

Answer 4

I'm sorry for your loss sweetie. I lost my dad last year. There is no set way as to how each individual handles the loss of someone they care about. In particular a parent. There are support groups in every community. You should be able to access them with your computer. Just go to your browser and type in support groups and your zip code. This should give you several choices. If you don't have any luck there call the local health department or ask your family doctor. There are also websites that let you create memorials. I did one on a friend. It really helped me. You can also type in the words "Virtual Memories" and this will pull up a memorial website. I commend you on asking for help. A lot of people won't. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Answer 5

I am so sorry about your loss. This must be a very difficult time for you. There are no right or wrong ways to feel when you are grieving. I suggest you look in the phone book for your local 'hospice' or if you go to church ask your minister to help you find a "TAG" (teenage grief) program. This is a support group for teens. Also ask you school counselor. Until you find a group, I suggest you keep a diary to write down all of your feeling. You will feel bad for a while, but not every minute of each day. You must feel the pain to get over it. But getting over it doesn't mean forgetting your mother. She will always be a part of your memories. I lost my mom when I was young too. Do you have someone special you can talk to? If you want, you can write to me at [e-mail]. I am a facillator for TAG groups. If you are having trouble concentrating in school and your grades are going down, please talk to your teachers so they know what you are going through.
As for your brother, it is very common for 8 yr olds to act as if nothing happens....it is easier than dealing with the hurt. Maybe you can talk to each other before you go to bed and talk about some happy times you had with your mom. That might help him show his feelings. Tell him that you miss your mom and ask him if he does too. Also, tell your story, how your mom died, to anyone who will listen, as often as you can. Or write about it in your diary.
You can expect to feel sad,hurt, abondonded, angry at one time or another. Sometime if you hold your feelings in your may get a headache, stomache or something that will keep you out of school. I hope you have a good relationship with your dad or a grandparent. Don't forget to have fun too. your mom would be sad if you don't allow yourself to get silly with your friends and laugh.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry for your loss. Some hospitals have a clinic that helps people deal with a loss because of cancer. Do you have a favorite Aunt that you can talk to or your Dad. Your school consular also should be able to help you or put you on the right tract for finding some help. Your church may also have support groups. As for your brother, yes this is normal, but he needs help in dealing better with your Mom's passing. You will be in my prayers.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear of your mother's death. My mom passed away March 29th (I am 45 years old).

A number of years ago, a book came out regarding stages of grief. I don't remember the title, but the author was Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (possibly Elisabeth with an S). According to Kubler-Ross, your brother would be in the denial stage.

Where I live, there is a place called the Center for Living With Dying. They were very helpful to a friend of mine and somewhat helpful to me (they referred me to an affiliated organization; I can't really evaluate the effectiveness of the treatment I received there because I was also dealing with injuries at work [employer doing the same thing repeatedly expecting different results]).

How is your father taking this? Is he supportive to you emotionally, or does he expect you to support him? Are you able to support each other emotionally?

Others have suggested counseling. Is there a functional adult in your life who would be able to get you started in counseling?

Answer 8

You have my sympathy.
Following a recent loss I found help in some online grief forums. There were many helpful words and I found great comfort sharing my grief with others who are or were going through similar feelings.
Here's a link to get you started.
http://dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Grief,_Loss_and_Bereavement/Children%27s_Grief/
Be careful who you make direct contact with on the internet, though. Make sure your dad knows who you are talking with. Best to keep your conversations IN the forum. There may be people out there who would take advantage of your frame of mind right now. Sad but true.

Answer 9

God Love you child. My prayers for you & your brother & the family. Love the most excessible place for you to go is your counselor at school. They are there to help with these things. There are groups where children can get together with others who have suffered such losses. Your school councilor will very likely know who & how to contact them. Your brother is reacting in his own way. Poor lad that is all he can do for now. He is very young but in time he will need some help to. If you can find this help for you then you will be better able to help him. Stay close to him & be patient. You will need each other in the coming days.

Answer 10

Get involved with a life saving Christian Church. I like the Assembly of God Churches. I was 38 when my Mom died. But having faith and knowledge of Jesus helps to ease the worry, confusion, wonder.

As for your brother, i don't really know. The only thing i know about children who feel they are missing something or have suffered a loss tend to regress emotionally. The child may begin to behave in a manner of a younger child.

Just believe that your Mom is waiting for you.... And that you will be a stronger person for this ordeal.

I pray to God that you get the answers you are looking for.

Answer 11

First, I want to say that I'm sorry to hear that your mother has died especially when you and your brother are too young. Secondly, as far as your brother; kids tend to have trouble understanding and dealing with death. I'm not surprised by his actions. Thirdly, there are people out there who can help, usually family members are the best place for support. Then ther are doctors who can help you as well.