Here's the thing...I am in my first year of teaching, and I am currently on an anti-depressant (this summer was rough, but I feel fine now...have to be on it at least 6 more months).
I have wanted a child with my husband ever since we started dating (I just knew he was the one), but he wants to I don't know, go see the world or something. But that isn't my thing...I just want to be a mom. I want to love a child!
We don't own a house yet, but I honestly don't think that matters. That seems to be his major "litmus test" of parenthood.
What do you think?
2006-11-19 11:10:39 · 10 answers · asked by Amelia N 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Hi...
You didn't say how old you were, but if you're in your first year of teaching you must be in early 20s.
I think husband is correct. You need to build a life with your husband before you can start thinking about having kids. Travel, go dancing, save for and buy a home your kids can live in. All these things are important. I didn't even mention your previous depression. The body chemistry of pregnency and post-partum could bring on much more severe depression.
Although it's illegal to fire a woman just because she's pregnant, your school could take a closer look at your work and let you go for something else. You should be in a district at least 3 years before taking time off for maternity leave.
My wife and i had kids immediately after getting married. We never built a life as a couple and things fell apart when the kids were born and we're now divorced.
Do yourself, your husband and your future family a favor. Don't rush into having kids for several more years... please!
2006-11-19 11:19:38 · answer #1 · answered by Lee S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should listen to your husband. You've been under a real strain (first year teaching is a b**** no matter how you shake it up) and you're going to be on heavy medication for at least six months. That's not an auspicious time to start a baby. You should be free and clear of that medication, so it doesn't affect the fetus. As for owning a house - that's a pretty good idea. It indicates stability. It sounds as though you are both young, and it wouldn't do any harm to wait a couple of years, travel if that's what he wants to do, get yourself in a position to enjoy being a mom. Could you afford one right now, or are you planning to put a baby in day care while you continue to work?
Don't rush it. Take care of yourself, finish off your first year of teaching, get off the anti-depressants, take a nice, long trip with your husband, and then go house hunting.
Good luck to you both.
2006-11-19 19:22:26 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm kind of struggling with the same thing. Except I want a second and my husband doesnt because he already has 2 kids. We dont own a house either but that certainly didnt stop us with the first one. You really cant wait until youve saved enough for a baby or your jobs and careers are where you want them because it will never happen. I agree though that if youve recently gone through a period of depression, you might want to wait on the baby. The first like2 months are very trying and difficult. Wonderful but stressful. And you might be feeling fine right now because the anti depressants are doing what they are supposed to. Just keep talking to your husband. make him see how you feel and go from there. and people should really stop pulling the "this should have been discussed before the marriage" because from what you've said its not that he doesnt want at all its just that he doesnt want one right now. Dont give up sweetie...just be patient
2006-11-19 21:45:05 · answer #3 · answered by htmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...why can't you do both? Go see the world and then have a baby. Unless you both getting on in years then there is no rush. My wife and I just had a child..she is in her mid thirties and I am in my early forties. I have seen most of the things I wanted to see and can see the rest when I retire.
2006-11-19 19:17:44 · answer #4 · answered by Mai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't really matter what any of us think. What's important that BOTH of you want the child.
If he doesn't want a child, then the two of you might want to have a long discussion on your goals in this relationship, especially if you think he doesn't want a child and wants to 'see the world'.
The last thing you want to do is have one parent not want the child and possibly resent him or her.
2006-11-19 19:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by Bookworm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are all things you SHOULD have discussed BEFORE you got married. Bringing a child into a marriage where BOTH parents don't WANT to parent at that time can be disasterous to the marriage.
2006-11-19 21:01:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot force a person to be ready to have a child. If you got pregnant on purpose, by accident, you and the child both will be resented. You two need to have a talk regarding your future, asap.
2006-11-19 19:50:01 · answer #7 · answered by Morning Glory 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you waited for eeeverything to be right before you have a baby, then you probably will never have one. you dont know what your in store for until you have one, really.
honestly, i have a 5 year old, best thing ever. i wish i would have seen more of the world before i had her.
youre both right in ways, so compromise! unless her really has doubts about being a dad.
2006-11-19 19:18:02 · answer #8 · answered by Laura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is always hard when she does, he dont. But Pregnancy does increase depression. I would wait another year them try. WHile this time passes I would explain almost daily how much a baby would complete you and your family.
2006-11-19 19:13:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you better both be clear with each other.
i've known men to bail out when given a surprise
2006-11-19 19:13:53 · answer #10 · answered by ___ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋