I am overseas, my GF was at home alone last week. 2 men entered, robbed her, both raped her. I feel guilty for not being there. I don't know what to do for her or what to say to her. I go home this week, and I am feeling lost. Please help. Anyone with a similar experience? Any good advice?
2006-11-19 10:29:24 · 5 answers · asked by lostinguilt 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Im really sorry to hear that. My husband is over sea's, and will be for a while. I've been raped before. Its really hard to deal with. You have to let her know that what they did is not her fault, let her know that you are there for her. she needs someone with her at this time. but theres something you need to realize that does happen some. she may turn this on you for not being there with her and being over sea's. you have to let her know that if you had a choice, you would never leave her side. its going to be hard to get over this, and it will always haunt her, but she needs your support more than anything. if you need anything or if she needs a friend to talk to while your gone, feel free to email me, i know how it is. good luck and take care. my email is sailors_mama_heather@yahoo.com
2006-11-19 10:38:10 · answer #1 · answered by Perfectly Insane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that. The best thing you can do is listen and be supportive. Let her know (repeatedly if necessary) that you do not blame her. Don't pressure her to be intimate. Don't take it personally if she is distant for a while. Encourage her to go out with her friends, she will need their support as well.
Beef up security at home. How did they break in? Make sure that can't happen again. If they picked or broke the lock, get a deadbolt with an alarm. If they broke the door replace it with a steel door, if the broke the window, put up burglar bars.... You get the idea. Yes these things are expensive but if you can afford to do it, it will make her feel safer if you have to go away again.
Others have suggested therapy and self defense courses. These are both good ideas. She may want a german shepard to be her companion.(or other breed of dog - they make great alarm systems and tend to scare burglars)
Depending on the area you live in, some of my ideas may seem like overkill. Sorry about that. I live in the downtown area of a city. I would sleep a lot better at night if I had some of those things. Especially since I am in a ground floor apartment.
2006-11-19 12:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, no experience but from a woman's standpoint I think you should show her support by being there for her. Don't ask questions but if she wants to talk listen. Don't be offended if she doesn't want to be touched or make love she has been violated in the worst way. She may blame herself, she may hate all men who knows how she will deal with it. Just be supportive be willing to just hold her and make her feel safe. Offer to go with her to counseling or a self defense class. Hope this helps.
2006-11-19 10:44:58 · answer #3 · answered by roadnurse_95 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am soooo sorry. my dad is in the army and almost went over seas. i can kinda realate. just call her and tell her u love her and when u get home give her a big hug and a smooch. good luck :)
2006-11-19 10:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her to try rainn.org and call 1800 lifenet for support. there are online therapy such as metanoia.org and asktheinternettherapist.com also call 1800 656 hope
2006-11-19 14:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋