What do you think I should do?

Question

My husband belives in using spanking when our boys misbehaive or are disrespectful in a more serious way. The boys are my husbands but i adopted them legaly when we got married. My 9 year old hit me today and my husband wanted to spank him but i stoped him. We disagree on this method. Although our son is a strong willed child i think we should insist with groundings and bannings, taking priviledges away. Do you think that considering my husband is the biological parent i should let him have the final decision and not interfer ? Or try to sustain my point of view and convince him?

Answer 1

just because you ar not the biological parent does not mean you both should not agree on a punishment. Although, he may know the kids better than you. I would suggest both of you talk and decide on appropriate disapline. you are the mom now. that is your right. I believe that you both need to be involved.

Answer 2

There are many more ways to punish a child than to hit them...my children are in the corner for a loooong time....if they say something with an attitude, hit each other, lie etc. they will be in the corner no matter how hard they cry they soon realize they wont be getting sympathy because of tears while they are being punished...after a while i have a few pages of paper prepared to write a sentence repeatedly in relation to their wrongdoing which they complete after being in the corner. I have used harsher methods when my oldest child continuosly kept hitting her younger sister and 4 year old brother(she is very strong tall and nearly 11). I got 2 heavy books and had her stand with her hands out with the books on top of each one......she never hit them again. My children respect me and know I love them...i dont hit them and have a very strict discipline level in the home it is called structure and "set" rules.........ps spanking a child will only make a child listen out of fear not respect and they will see in their young impressionable minds that creating/causing fear by physical domination is acceptable and that the stronger or more violent one is always right.

Answer 3

You and your husband need to be a united front with your children and back each other up. That said, I do think that up to a certain age a few smacks on the backside do get your point across but it depends on the poing you are trying to make. How confusing will it be to your son that you are punishing him for hitting by spanking him? Also I think by age 9 spankings start to lose their effectiveness. They are quick and they don't leave a very lasting impression, where as loosing TV or video game privleges for a week really leaves a mark! Just make sure that whatever punishment you choose you explain to the child what they did wrong, why it is inappropriate and what the consequense is. As for your husband, they may be his biological children but you are an authority figure in their lives too. You need to sit down and discuss your feeling with him and make sure that he sees that you understand his point of view but he needs to see yours too. You need to come up with a set of rules and punishments together and stick to them no matter what. You are a team and your children need to see that before they start pitting you againt your husband and vise vers. Good luck!

Answer 4

Girl...CONSISTENCY!! you both as parents need to be in agreeance as to how to discipline your children. Whether or not you are their bio-mom does not matter, so get over that. They are as much his as yours. I am not against spanking your child but ONLY if it is for a very good reason, and hitting their mother is a VERY good reason. Grounding them only works so far, although so does spanking. Nevertheless, your husband and you NEED to agree and most def NOT let the kids know about the disagreeance. The kids will grow up and know exactly how to manuever you'll. Kids are VERY smart and you'll shouldnt take that for granted. Whatever it is...AGREE on how youll are raising your children. There's nothing worse than raising "Confused" children!

Answer 5

You have to be involved, you are now a parent also, you not taking any kind of action is just letting the child get away with it. He didnt hit your husband he hit you. Put him to sit on a chair with his hands on his knees and tell hime not to move his hands till he is ready to apologize and talk about what he has done so he understands it. Your a parent now and it doesnt mean the child is going to like you, but he may also want your attention in a different way.

Answer 6

Since he let you legally adopt the boys, I think you have just as much say as a biological parent. You agreed to help raise these boys to adulthood. That being said, you both need to figure out ways to discipline that work. Taking things away can work, if you are serious about it. You can't give in. You both have to be firm. Figure out what their currency is (my kids hate gameboys taken away) then use it. Make sure the kids understand what you expect and what happens if they break the rules. The biggest thinga are consistancy and a united front. Please don't argue discipline in front of the kids. They'll use it to pit you against each other.

Answer 7

Spanking is not harmful, and it has it's place. What does not are two parents arguing in front of the child over discipline - especially if one is softer than the other, he will start to play you off against each other. They can be as cunning as a fox you know.

Answer 8

Whatever the way of disciplining you and your husband end up doing you both need to make sure that you both agree on it!! The last thing you want is for those boys to think that their parents are not on the same side.. Sit down and talk to your husband and rationally discuss your concerns.. good luck

Answer 9

spanking your children is not wrong but spanking them in a way that leaves bruises or cuts is wrong. if youre husband is only spanking them the way it should be its ok because that's the only way kids learn. im telling you from experience. if you just ground them it has no effect on them whatsoever. theyll keep doing it over and over again. by spanking them they can learn its wrong and next time theyll know the consequences and wont do it again because its something that it will hurt. if you just ground them youre hurting them how? mostly every kid has a tv in their room, radio, games, cell phones...etc....youll just be rewarding them instead of punishing them!

Answer 10

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