one year old and smacking?

Question

my 14 month old daughter keeps smacking me and headbutting me and other people really hard when she's in a mood or cant get her own way.she does it really hard and it hurts sometimes! how can i stop this????? is anyone else having the same problem???

Answer 1

This is a very common problem in toddlers, but first of all, please remember that your daughter is little more than a baby. behaviour like this is usually about controlling sitiuations around her (she does it to get her own way you said) and/or about communication- perhaps she can't quite talk and communicate clearly yet so she thinks that by hitting and headbutting instead, she'll get her message accross that she wants to do xyz.

She does it to attract attention, if she gets a reaction, she'll keep doing it.
PLEASE don't do as someone else suggested and smack her right back, apart from being wrong, you may hurt her and it also shows that you are not in control by behaving exactly like she does. You must remember that you are the adult and you must model good behaviour in order for your child to behave well. YOU are in control- not your 14 month old child.

The best thing to do is try to remain calm. Get eye contact and firmly tell her "No- do not hit!"
If she does it again, say "No, Mummy doesn't like this- you must not hit/headbutt" and warn her that she will go in "time out" if she does it again. Its important that she doesn't see your reaction as any kind of reinforcement to her behaviour- ie if you react by giving her more attention when she hits/headbutts you by telling her off and making a fuss of her and thus giving into her demands, it will continue.
If she does continue and hits a third time, then you must put her in time out for no more than 2 minutes- whether it's a naughty step or a naughty chair is up to you, just make sure she's safe and can't hurt herself.
Do not give her eye contact during this time and do not give her any attention. You must keep calm and in control because she cannot be allowed to control you.
You may have to time out a few times until she gets the message that when she hits, she will not get any positive interaction from you and instead she will be ignored until she learns to behave in an acceptable manner.

Its also important to praise her good behaviour, This is almost as important if not more important as ignoring the bad behaviour.
The theory is, she will enjoy the reaction more that she gets from the positive praise (lots of "well done", "what a good girl" and pleanty of cuddles and hugs when she does something nice) than the time out.

Good luck

Answer 2

Each time she does something like this remove her from the situation
Children NEED attention and by hitting out at someone when they are not getting their own way is getting attention.
Remove the attention , if you are at home then take her to her room and make her stay there for a short time
At her age 1 to 2 mins is enough. Do not speak to her during this time and ignore her efforts to talk to you.
When you allow her to come out explain why you had to punish her and tell her you will do that everytime she hurts someone.
NEVER give in to her as this will encourage her to keep up the 'show'
If you are not at home eg at someone elses house take her outside, out of sight of anyone and make her stay there with you. Avoid eye contact and once again do not talk to her.
The time out method is the only proven way to work . If you give her a short sharp smack that may distract her enough but it won't help long term.
Shouting , smacking or disciplining her in front of an audience will delight her...remember that.
I can hear people shout she needs a smack and the world is like it is because the lack of parental control
I am not against smacking, and yes I agree with others that the country is short of disciplined kids.
But in this situation I don't feel there will be any benefit and it may make the situation worse.

My answer to the no smacking brigade is " when your 12 year told is told to go to his/her room and she says 'no..make me' then what are you gonna do?"
hey I think I will make that my next yahoo question ......

Answer 3

smacking is a found out behaviour, the two he has found out it from being smacked by utilising somebody or he has seen somebody being smacked or smacking somebody else in step with damaging behaviour. he's becoming to be annoyed that he won't be able to have or do something and has found out to instruct his frustration in this style. he's two now so a questioning/naughty chair could be suitable, as quickly as he smacks say no firmly and place him on the chair for 2 minutes and making him stay there, the two carry him or return him to the chair commencing the two minutes over every time he gets up. while he has had his 2 minutes get right down to his face point and say firmly 'smacking is naughty, every time you smack you should take a seat down on the naughty chair'. i attempted this with my 2 twelve months old and used it plenty interior the initiating he's now very almost 3 and that i discover i ought to apply it not often, it extremely is problematical paintings yet he gets the message interior the top, please do no longer motel to smacking him back which will only initiate a vicious circle of him smacking and getting smacked back constantly which permits no person.

Answer 4

It's up to you how you deal with her. Only thing is, never give into her demands while she is having a strop. She will soon realise it doesn't work and it's not worth hurting herself for.

I don't agree with hurting her back as this just shows her you deal with frustration with anger and pain.

I'm guessing she is struggling to tell you how annoyed she is at not getting her own way. When things are calmed down, explain to her why she can't have her own way. In proper terms of safety, time, money or whatever the reason is. Even though she can't understand what your saying, she will react to your soothing voice.

The most important thing to remember is she would love to tell you but is unable to. And that's not her fault.

Even though it doesn't seem like it now she will grow out of this phase. Good luck, try to keep your sanity.

Answer 5

Hi, I think all mums suffer this. It's not an aggressive thing I am sure, I had 4 kids, all grown up now but I do remember being afraid of losing a tooth from my kids headbutting me! I think the thing to do is to keep a wide berth when they are in this sort of mood, try not to retaliate or show anger. When they butt you, just move them away and tell them it's naughty, be firm in your manner and be consistent, tell every one who deals with the child to be consistent. Also I think it's a good time to introduce the naughty step, it does work. Try watching the supernanny programmes, it's what I used to do. I could be a millionaire like she is!!!

Answer 6

Where did she get this behaviour from? She has learnt that it gets her her way.The best thing to do is to walk away from it; if she follows you then hold her, gently but firmly, until her temper subsides. Yes, this means restricting her movements until she calms down.The whole time you need to tell her that it is not acceptable to smack people, that it is not nice, that she would not like it, etc. .Repeat this until she stops smacking and headbutting. Do not letup and do not skip a time. You must be consistent and this is key. If you do, she will think "I got away with it once, I can do it again because they may or may not do anything about it.". Repeat: you must not skip a time. You are the parent, you do the disciplining for her own good.

Answer 7

Don't smack her as it will just confuse her. Think about it from her point of view. She hits Mummy and so Mummy hits her back. How is she supposed to tell that hitting is bad?????

Simply ignore it. Very very difficult to do but if you simply don't respond and don't give in then she WILL give up. Make sure you praise her lavishly with lots of hugs and cuddles and kisses and attention when she behaves herself though. This way she will learn that the best and easiest way to get Mummy's atttention is to be a good girl.

Answer 8

Warning, Time out!
Punishment does not equal hurting. And no, smacking is not only wrong because it hurts. It's wrong because you will be teaching the same behavior you're trying to stop.
THE PROBLEM with today's parents is that they don't follow through with their punishment and can't listen to their child cry. If they're in timeout and crying, IT'S A GOOD THING. Leave them there and let them out when time limit is over. They're learning a lesson.
And, your kids is not going to change his/her behavior after one timeout. YOU have to be consistent in your system of punishment.

Edit: Thank you Beth M. This mehtod is exactly why my kids are so wonderful and praised by everyone I know.

Answer 9

Your daughter evidently learned that she'll get her own way because she will get away with hitting people like this. My cousin used to act this way until her older relatives got sick of it and started playing rough, like wrestling quite a bit more rough then one should be with one that young.

You need to teach your daughter discipline and that she isn't going to get her way all the time whether she hits or not. You should put her in the time out chair instantly for two minutes the minute she does something like that. And if she gets up you put her back down and restart the timer. It's a long and hard road to teach her discipline like that, but eventually when she's been down 10 minutes and you've talked to her afterwards about how it's wrong to hit people she'll get the hint and eventually stop hitting and smacking. Especially if she learns that crying, headbutting, and getting up earns her right back into the time out chair. and crying doesn't mean she'll get up again.

Answer 10

Don't smack her back - you're only teaching her it's okay to hit. Kids at that age have no concept that they are hurting you. Even when you howl in pain, they don't understand yet. They think if it's fun for them, it must be fun for you.

First, the attention should go to the person who got hurt, not the hurter. Any loud response from you intrigues her and is worth any punishment you might give her, so try not to react.

If she smacks you, her dad (or whoever is present) should come to you and say "Are you okay, does it hurt", etc. Put her down, walk away, and say, "I can't pick you up because you hit me. I don't like it" or "I can't play with you because you hit". If you refuse to engage with her when she exhibits this behavior (and it's tough to stick to it), she'll give it up.