Should my son think about coming home?

Question

It is an American tradition that when a couple marry they usually gravitate towards the woman's side of the family for most holidays and many other important events in their lives. I am the mother of two sons My youngest has just graduated college & was offered a job opportunity in NY, close to where his girlfriend's parents live in a very elite section of NJ, 3 states away from my home.Consequently, he & his girlfriend have moved in with her parents. I made it no secret in the past that one of my biggest fears is the aforementioned tradition primarily because I was adopted & my sons are the only two drips in my gene puddle that I know. My youngest has always aspired to affluence, predictable, as I am down to earth simple county folk & divorced early in their childhood - I have struggled & bore my son's embarrassment over the car I drove, et al. He is spending Thankgiving with her & not coming here until Xmas even tho he's LIVING with them & see them every day. M I the MNL from HELL?

Answer 1

You need to be accepting. If your son's are afraid to upset you then you will not hear from them or see them. My husband is not on speaking terms with his parents. If they had just backed off and given unconditional love (as we do to them, but the verbal abuse has become too much) I am sure they would have a great relationship. You will see your son at Christmas, try putting some of your pent up energies into making it a wonderful, meaningful time. Don't dwell on what he is not doing, but on what he is, always look to the positive!

Answer 2

Relax, when he needs something he'll come running to you. He's not going to forget who his mother is.

Answer 3

It isn't going to help either of you to 'guilt' him into thinking about coming home. Just let him know he's welcome to come home if he wants. He obviously is choosing not do right now.