Overbearing mother-in-law?

Question

My MIL and my husband have this pattern that goes on between them whenever they see each other. It will usually happen a couple days before the visit is about to come to an end. There is always a falling out (either between one of us and her, or both). More than likely, the problem will get blown extremely out of proportion and dramatic . She and Idon't have the best relationship because she is always critical of my homemaking skills (I am a full-time student), and how we raise our children. I have said several times that when I need her opinions or advice, I will ask for it. She does it anyway, for the past 5 years. In January, my husband leaves for 15 months to Afghanistan . This is also the time that my infant son will have a small oupatient surgical procedure. For some reason, she HAS to be there for the surgery. I don't want my last days with my husband to be ruined by her, because of fighting and her comments. What should I do? I really don't feel like dealing with her

Answer 1

Seriously, you should leave the state.

Answer 2

Did you husband tell her of the surgery? Does he feel the same as you? Have you told him how you feel? If you can not be united in your opinion about her visit, my advice, from my heart, is to allow what your husband feels about it to rule the day. He's the one that goes to Afghanistan. If he also does not want her to be there, but doesn't want to be the "bad guy" and tell his mother to bugger off, then volunteer to be the "bad guy" and take a hit for him, of course, be polite... but firm, and make it clear that the decision is final, and stick to it. If she still tries to interfere, you have a psycho on your hands and may need other family members to help you out. As a last resort, if you have a stalker for a MIL... then you have my permission to not answer the door, the phone, or email, and if that doesn't do it... call the police and file a restrainer order.... I'm serious. I wish I could have. Sadly, my MIL had so much power that my husband would not dream of giving her a "no" to anything, and even a hint of "no" would throw her into a hissyfit from hell. I hope you have a little better luck. At anyrate I survived, but if I had to do it over... I probably wouldn't.

Answer 3

you just smile and tell her that breasts are made for baby as you take him from her arms. Don't let anything that she says bother you, the more she spouts the outdated stuff the less intelligent she appears. Also, go buy yourself a nursing sling. ($30 at target for a very cute infantino sling) Next time you go to Grandma's house, carry baby in sling near feeding time. DO NOT let anyone tell you how, where and when to feed your child!!! If you don't want him calling her mama, just say so. You are the mama, if she wants to have someone call her mama, well thats what her ovaries are for. I would also talk to your husband about this. Point out how hurt he would be if your dad wanted to be called Daddy or something like that. He should stick up for his wife!!! After all, you just gave him the best gift ever... his son!!

Answer 4

I have had 2 of them!!! Tell her that she has her house, her life,and brought up her family without your help so she should give u the same consideration, RESPECT, time alone etc. Her son is now your husband. YOU ARE FIRST IN HIS LIFE, and your baby she is NOT in the immediate family, no room. You can also request the Hospital ONLY you and whoever you want, she will not be let in and you will not have to face her, till later. She has that empty nest syndrome. Loves to control, even your family which she has NO control of.

Answer 5

your husband's needs should be the driving force as to whether his mother visits prior to his leaving. As problematic as the relationship appears, your husband and his mother apparently want to maintain contact, and you are caught in the middle. i will assume she loves her grandson and wants to be there to help out and to ease her own anxiety regarding his surgery.My heartfelt advice is to ignore her comments re; your homemaking skills, tell her you are doing the best you can and allow her this visit with her son and grandson. After your husband leaves, all bets are off and your peace of mind becomes paramount,,,,

Answer 6

Communicate your feelings with your husband. If he truly cares about you, he will understand. Your husband needs to be up front with his mother. It is his responsibility to facilitate a solid relationship between his mother and your family. She needs to be told that she cannot start trouble if she visits. If she plans to be critical, stay home.

Answer 7

Your husband need to address this with his mother and tell her that she is not "invited" to the procedure.

It is really his place to take a stand.

My former MIL destroyed my marriage...That was 2 years ago, Now he is remarried and finally setting boundaries with her. To bad it had to come to that.

Answer 8

My be she wants to make sure her grandchild is OK after the surgery for her self and maybe she is just nosy and like to keep trouble going on between you two. But don't let her get to you or your husband at all.

Answer 9

just be honest with her and tell her that you need to spend that time alone with your hubby before he goes away for such a long time.i dont know why she does not understand this already.your hubby should back you up on this 100%.there's an old saying,a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life,a son is a son til he gets himself a wife!maybe she has never heard of this.

Answer 10

You have to stand up to her. Otherwise, she will think she has power over you. What is with these in-laws that can't let go of their kids? This is yours and your husbands life. Not hers. She needs to find a hobby or something.

Answer 11

Sounds like you and your husband should present a united front in telling her, gently or not gently, that she is not wanted during this time. If she can't accept it, then the hell with her!