My husband belives in using spanking when our boys misbehaive or are disrespectful in a more serious way. The boys are my husbands but i adopted them legaly when we got married. My 9 year old hit me today and my husband wanted to spank him but i stoped him. We disagree on this method. Although our son is a strong willed child i think we should insist with groundings and bannings, taking priviledges away. Do you think that considering my husband is the biological parent i should let him have the final decision and not interfer ?
2006-11-19 08:32:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
girl if your kids are bad they need to be spanked as long as your not beating them there is a diff. but swat on the butt wont hurt them. if you dont let them know who is in charge they will run all over you and you will regret it. I would not interfere either unless your child is in danger and i drought that is the case. if i were you i would sit down with your husband and discuss this because if you dont it can cause a problem between you too and cause you to separate i have seen it and its not a good thing to do fighting over children it should be a teamwork effort on everything. and for your 9 year old hitting that is wrong just rem the older he gets the stronger and you dont want him to take charge of you and think he is the boss your husband had the right intentions. my son hit me one day my husband turned around and spanked him he has never touched me again . children are suppose to respect their elders no matter what I am 22 and i know that.
i wish you the best of luck.
2006-11-27 03:26:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think spanking is ok only if the child has done something serious , and I think hitting you is serious. Especially since he is 9. That is too old to start picking up that kind of behavior and needs to be stopped now. I was spanked when I was a child and so was my brother, and its the way I learned and I am definiltey in no way a violent person, or anything. But Grounding did nothing for me, neither did taking priviledges away. But when I got spanked, I never did it again. I rarley did get spanked though because I just knew better. It didnt teach me to hit either.. I think Spanking should be used for cases such as that.
2006-11-19 16:48:19 · answer #2 · answered by Blondi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm one of these women that beleive if you get your bluff in early in the game, you can save your kids alot of heartache. I taught mine that if you hit, you just may get hit back, and most likely will. Time out and taking away things can work for some situations, but not for all. Sometimes they have to see what it's like to be hit and that's it's not a good feeling, same goes for biting, kicking, etc. A good spanking, not a beating can be very beneficial. Being strong willed is not neccessarely a bad thing, but they have to learn they can't go around hitting people, cause at some point they'll meet up on somebody that'll hit back.
Good luck
2006-11-27 16:29:31 · answer #3 · answered by sto_rmy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation because biologically they are not yours. But having legally adopted you should have equal parenting rights.
Personally I think there is nothing wrong with spankings. I was spanked as a child.
Yesterday we did a shopping day with my sister in law and nephew and niece, I played with my nephew the most (he's 2) he is also very strong willed. Her and my brother give him "Talks" when he's being bad. After we left them yesterday I asked my mom, "Were we ever as bad in public as Drew is?" "Never, I can never remember you guys being like that." And we think perhaps it's because the dicipline isn't the same. How scary is a "Talk" to a child, not as scary as being hurt or getting in REAL trouble. A talk is only more so annoying to a child than anything really...
2006-11-25 13:51:41 · answer #4 · answered by Cynthia 604 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spanking a 9 year old is not good. The child is old enough to understand non-physical punishment. I think you were right in stopping him. Try and find a book that is not again spankings that you and your husband can read together. That way he won't feel like you're telling him what he can't do with his children, but he will learn more effective ways of dealing with them.
2006-11-19 20:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by caitlinerika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes because if he is hitting you then he needs to be shown respect. I know that bothers you...but you can not stop him from going to jail when he beats a woman up later on in life...and tell the judge hey lets not do the prison lets just take his car away. I am not being mean I promise just giving a different perspective. I do not believe in spankings all the time either...but he should feel it when he goes after you! Good Luck and I meant this to be sincere and not disrespect you in anyway. Let your husband handle this one!
2006-11-20 23:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by ~Another Day~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are both raising these children and not in sync with the rules, you are doing more harm than good. I do not believe in spanking so I am with you on that. You should have as much right to say what you want to . Remember that one day they might tell you "Your not my mother and I don't have to listen to you" Don't let that bother you. Right now you both are giving the kids the right to play one against the other. Sit down with your husband and voice your opinion.Hitting them will only make them more angry and then something else will happen.If is OK for my Dad to hit, then its OK for me to hit.
2006-11-27 16:15:15 · answer #7 · answered by lennie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spankings are not effective for a nine year old and will most likely make them (like someone else said) more aggressive.
I do agree that since you are not considered a step parent you should have a say in their discipline. I tis great that your husband wants the boys to respect you, but hitting him isn't going to show respect. You need to show him respect by speaking to him not giving corporal punishment. He can definately understand why it is wrong to hit (him hitting you and you hitting him).
My SIL bites her children if they bite, and I don't agree.
This shows that since I am bigger and stronger than you, only I am allowed to hit or show aggression. This hurts feelings and makes the children scared not obedient.
Children do need consequences, but respectful ones.
2006-11-27 16:04:59 · answer #8 · answered by Tawnja N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think spanking is ok in some cases, just a light spanking though, enough to get the kid to know hes in trouble but nothing serious. Although, i dont think you should spank a kid for hitting someone. Your hitting him for hitting, it doesnt make sense.
2006-11-19 17:39:52 · answer #9 · answered by jamie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think that its wrong to spank your kid. but there is also a limit. Spankink him for hitting you or something that is worth giving him a spank is okay but just spanking him for little things....no. Use your method(groundation ect) when he does little things but let your husband spank him when he does something big like hitting you.
2006-11-27 13:12:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋