What do you think?

Question

My husband belives in using spanking when our boys misbehaive or are disrespectful in a more serious way. The boys are my husbands but i adopted them legaly when we got married. My 9 year old hit me today and my husband wanted to spank him but i stoped him. We disagree on this method. Although our son is a strong willed child i think we should insist with groundings and bannings, taking priviledges away. Do you think that considering my husband is the biological parent i should let him have the final decision and not interfer ?

Answer 1

You need to discuss it with your husband. Whatever you two decide, be consistent or they will pit one of you against the other and YOU won't win that battle.

Answer 2

As long as the spanking doesn't leave marks(meaning he's actually spanking the child and not beating him) you should let him be. The trouble with kids today is that they control the parents instead of the other way around. All of us in my family got spankings when we were growing up and I have to say, we made sure we did not do that same thing again. As we got older, we got grounded for misbehaving and that didn't mean a thing to us, even though at that time, we didn't have our own TV, computer, etc. It's best to show who's boss when they are young, otherwise they will turn out to be totally out of control.

Answer 3

Be very careful on this situation! Really the Bible says that our hands are used for love so if you decide to spank use a wooden spoon or something! BUT not anything that would be counted for as abuse! there are many ways to handle this.You can ground him, spank him. What I would do, is use a spoon or something to spank, give a talk and explain why he got the spanking and make him apologize then ground him. Yes it sound harsh, but discipline means to make them do it. And if you make him say sorry then thats dicipline and explain that the spankings and the grounding is a consequence for what he did. And maybe have him write a page paper explaining why what he did was wrong so he can think about it and learn that you are not going to let him get away with this or anything else. that he needs to show respect for his elders and every one else around him. If you dont do this imagine what will happen at school with his friends. So I will be praying for you and GOD BLESS! Remember that God holds the key to everything, just ask and you shall receive!

Answer 4

Raising kids is a challenge, and discipline simply means guidance to get our kids to learn self-discipline. I am a grandma now, and see my own kids struggling with this same problem, so I speak from years of experience. I do think a quick swat on the butt serves to get a kid's attention if they need to be immediately diverted from something, but the all out beating/spanking usually backfires. The board of education on my Principal's wall usually fell on the same bottoms, over and over again--if it had ever worked those same kids should have only been spanked once and learned their lesson. It is essential you and your husband be united where all discipline is concerned for all your children. Kids need stability, and knowing their parents are not in agreement will create even more discipline issues, especially with your strong willed child. So get help asap. Some of the local hospitals, schools, churches and social service offer free parenting classes here in the Midwest where you can pick up several good parenting/disciplining ideas. Even if you don't learn anything new, the time you spend with your husband without your kids discussing discipline strategies will be time well spent. Best of luck to you. In a few years those kids will be gone and the two of you will face the last 40 or so years of your lives together--another reason for you two to stay on the same page where parenting is concerned.

Answer 5

Absolutely not. If you have adopted them then they are just as much yours and his. Not only that, you are a team and must act together...if you don't feel right about his spanking, then you need to express these concerns to him. I agree with you...spanking got my parents nowhere with me...I would only get mad and more strong willed. Not that it is bad in all circumstances, but especially will strong willed children, spanking does NOT work. Talk with your husband and come to a resolution that you can both feel comfortable about. I know my mom always tried to stop my dad from spanking me, 'cause she knew I wasn't responding...but it caused trouble between them because they didn't communicate well about it. In my husband and I's case, he will be the softie and me the meanie :) haha. Good Luck and I hope things turn out well. Best Wishes,

Answer 6

Honestly your nine year old should not be hitting you and if you just "Ground him, bann him, or punish him with taking something away" that is not going to do anything for him if he is used to that. Honestly I don't think there is anything wrong with spanking... if a child does something wrong and you put them in timeout... do you think they care that they just sit there for fifteen minutes doing nothing... does that teach them anything... no... a spanking hurts... it makes them think if i do that again... i'll get hurt... but its not for everything.. some children learn witht the time out and grounding and banning their favorite things.... so really it depends on your child... if those other things work.. good for you... but don't rule out spanking. Another thing... when you entered that marriage and adopted those children... it is your right and responsibility to bring them up... yes both of you should make a decision... so talk and try to work something out... but don't think b/c you are just the step mom that you have no right to do anything... you do

Answer 7

Lady,I don't know whether to laugh or cry right now. I'd kick his behind for even THINKING about raising his hand at me. He's reached that level because HE KNOWS THAT HE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP LADY AND GRAB A BELT AND LET HIM HAVE IT AT LEAST 3 TIMES ON THE LEGS. I'm not a violent person but I do keep order around my house. My daughter received a spanking only once because I started to give her firm pats on the hand whenever she hit or scratched or whatnot at an early age. Now I only give her a glare and that works like a charm.

Answer 8

Spare the rod spoil the child. Nowadays god forbid we should spank our kids and violate their rights..but when they are rebellious and heathens the parents get the blame! I say there is nothing wrong with a spanking.. I was spanked as a child and it am fine. They are your children too since you adopted them so i think you should agree ... come to terms with it and use the method most effective.

Answer 9

The natural parent should be the one with the final say. As for spanking, if my kids were doing something to hurt themselves, someone else or deliberately damage property they got 1 warning then slap butt, after which it was explained exactly why. They are now 18,16 & 12 - all perfectly normal and have never raised a hand to me.

Answer 10

All hitting does or spanking show the kids that it ok to hit others,sit them down and explain to them that its not nice to hit and let them know what they did wrong so they understand. If he hit you ya its wrong but for his dad to spank him is showing him what you don't want him to do and will confuse him and he will probably hit when hes older. If he hit you, you're the one to tell him what he did wrong, not dad,cause that's showing the kid that you have no control and he can get away with it if dads not around.

Answer 11

i believe in spanking when a child does something wrong. i don't go all out and use a flip flop or anything like my parents did, but a good whack on the rear end usually gets my point across. i think parents are really sissy about everything nowadays, and that's why alot of kids are little brats.