My fiance will not help me with planning our wedding what do I do to get him to help me plan it?

Question

I feel like he should have some imput into what out wedding will be like and that he will be upset with me if he doesn't like what I have planned.

Answer 1

It is a difficult but extremly common issue.

At first my fiance was all for it and then he kinda went "...dead" on research. For our wedding, it requires a lot of research on how we want it and where etc. As we are doing a destinational to a place we haven't been to, going next month, we need to bring something to different wedding planners of what we want to know get info back on what they can offer.

Anyways, I told him "Babe, I appreciate all you have done so far and I am stuck on this. Can you help?" Him: "sure, name it?" Me " well, I don't know what exactly your input is on this this this and this, I feel like this is my wedding and not ours" him "I will do some research on so and so's computer". He used his weekend to play video games and watch tv. When before he promised when he gets time he will search for info and made me feel like he "didn't care".

I felt he did it because of me rather than himself. I was honest with him and let him know how I felt. It isn't easy to tell someone something like that. However, we talked a few hours later on the phone (He is stationed a few hours away in san diego). He gave me a whole list of sites and his ideas so far. Even made the effort to want to go cake testing and found a cake we both liked a lot too.

Some guys feel they just want to show up in a tux. Others like to be involved and others only to a certain point.

I am extremly honest. I told him that if he doesn't want to be involved, then we are not ready for marriage as marriage is all about 50/50. Wedding is about marriage to eachother.

He has so far been trying and talking to me about it more and more.

I do recommend that if he has a personal interest in one area, give that to him to do. That might help as well.

I understand how hard planning is and how stressful it can be. Even though it is stressful, he shouldn't leave it all to you to handle and then be so drained by time the wedding comes. By then it will seem it was your wedding, not both of yours together. Yet, that is me.

Just communicat with him.

If he doesn't participat and willing to discuss this with you after so many months of it, then there is no use of beating the dead horse with a stick. That is when you have to make the choice to leave, stay or post bone until you feel it is best.

Answer 2

If the wedding day were all about the bride, you wouldn't need a groom to have a wedding. The wedding day is about the couple. Now if you imagined planning your wedding alone or with your mom, etc and very little or no help from your fiance, then you need to say so. It doesn't mean he'll just back off because clearly he's as invested in the day as you are. And he should be, it's his wedding too. As you mention, many brides dream of having a groom who shows at least some interest in planning the wedding. It can be quite frustrating to ask for his opinion and just get "whatever you decide is fine with me" as the response. But if you don't really want his input, it can be just as frustrating to have him constantly giving it. Either way, this day is about both of you. So each of you has every right to contribute. You need to sit down and think about the areas of planning that are really important to you and find out which ones are really important to him. Then you compromise (marriage lesson #1) and decide who will plan which areas and which areas will be handled together. You also need to establish how you'll compromise when there's a disagreement. You want pink flowers, he wants white; how will you work it out? Pick from a hat? Play a game of one-on-one basketball? A game of Uno? Whatever works for you guys. But you need to find a way to compromise that you can use anytime a wedding planning disagreement comes up. And most importantly, you have to stop thinking that this day is all about you.

Answer 3

First ASK him what he would like to do for your wedding. Maybe the planning is stressing him out. You may be dreaming of a large wedding while he thought of a small immediate family gathering.
Girls seem to dream about fancy weddings ... but guys just want to be done with it.
See if you can agree with him on the size, style, colors, etc. without pressuring him.
You are afraid he won't like what you plan. Well, most guys don't really care about the decorations and additional stuff. All he wants to do is make you his wife ... everything else isn't that important to him.

Answer 4

Tell him that if he doesn't help plan the wedding then you will not listen to any complaints about how things went or how they looked. If he is really excited about getting married then you guys should plan the wedding together. Ask him questions throughout your planning and try to force him to help you make some decisions.

He really should help...even if it is just a little bit.

Good luck!

Answer 5

This is a difficult topic. It stems from two very good arguments.

1. It is the BRIDES day so she should make everything the way she wants it. This means the groom should keep his distance and allow the bride to make all the decisions. The only part of the wedding the groom should have any say in, is the woman he is getting married to.

2. It is the Brides day so she should make everything the way she wants it. If she wants his input to help her decide then he needs to get his butt there to help in any way she wants.

I think it is great that you want to include him in the decisions. My wife wanted me there so I was there. Ultimatly I gave my opinion but when push came to shove, she got her way. She simply wanted my opinion to different things.

You may want to assign him things that do not require individual decisions.

IE. Have him book the limo. Dont let him choose if you are getting a limo or not. Simply let him do the leg work to get it done.

Answer 6

Here's a nontraditional approach. Casually inform him on the "details" of the wedding. Make up a fib& tell your fiance that the theme colors are Chocolate Brown and Bright Yellow. The caterer will be serving mini Vienna sausages and mini marshmallows on sticks as an appetizer- along with Hawaiian Punch to wash it down.Make a phony "song list" for him. Include tacky, violent, sexually-oriented songs. Keep a straight-face and remark that you are so proud that you have done it all yourself! He may be overcome with a need to jump in and put in his 2 cents.

Answer 7

He sounds like my husband. I'll bet he wants the know the basics, where, when and what to wear. Oh, and the biggie for guys...what are we eating? LOL Seriously, don't worry about it, if he doesn't want to participate in planning, it's probably not his thing. I would ask him if he wants to, and when he says "no, not really" don't take it personally. Guys just don't get into this stuff, at least some guys don't. Make sure he then understands that you'll be making the decisions, and if he's fine with that. I'll bet you money he will be, as long as you don't go over budget. Like I said, he sounds like my hubby, and we've been married for 19 wonderful years.

Answer 8

So tell him that if he will not participate he had no right to complain.

Truth is darling that men have little interest in such things and it is not his job to plan the thing anyway. Go and make your plans as you see fit. If there is something you know he will not like, don't do it otherwise go ahead. Inform him from time to time but do not fight about it. Its your day so make the most of it.

Answer 9

If he doesn't willingly help you plan the wedding, he should not be upset with your choices. You can constantly stress over asking him questions, or you can reduce your stress and just make the decisions based on what you like and what you want.

Answer 10

Sorry to be so blunt, but if this fine young fellow wants nothing to do with planning his own WEDDING, what makes him such a good choice to spend your life with?

I know nothing about you or him, but I'm 100% certain you can do better!