My fiance's mom doesn't like me because I'm not white?

Question

I am asian and my fiance is white. My fiance's mom doesn't like me (cause I'm not white) and keeps comparing me to my fiance's white ex-girlfriend. She always puts me on the spot in front of people and interrogates me with questions. One time she told me that she doesn't feel comfortable that I'm dating her son and that her son needs to date "his own kind". I told my fiance what his mom told me and my fiance called his mom on the phone and they started arguing over me. He said "You can not tell me who to date. I love my fiance for what she is inside and not for the color of her skin!" and his mom was like "If you marry this woman, I'm not coming to your wedding! How dare you yell at me!" Blah Blah Blah.....
I feel like our wedding is put on hold because of this woman. If my fiance's mom doesn't come to our wedding then I know my fiance will be hurt because before he met me, him and his mom were like the best of friends. And I feel like I tore them apart or something.

Everyyoungwomansdream- your response isn't helping. Get a life!

Yes I know I'm asian. Thanks for reminding me.

Answer 1

What a RACIST, CONTROLLING WITCH!!! How did a sweet, loving, caring man come from a thing like that? If she REALLY loved her son, she would give you two her blessings, keep her fat mouth shut and go to the wedding with respect and decorum!!!! If she don't come your man might not get over it for life with his mom, but his life will be with #1 YOU! YOU did not tear them apart, SHE mommy dearest did!

Answer 2

You know you and the old witch have something in common don't you? You love the same man, her son. Have you ever just sat down with her and talked to her. She's racist, she made sure you knew that. Honey, I have a feeling it's not only you being Aisan that has this woman's drawers in a wad. I think her son having a relationship with anyone would give her heart failure.

I am afraid there is no easy solution to her problem. Don't feel guilty, you haven't done any wrong. She's the one that is going to be left out in the cold, if she doesn't keep her mouth closed. Not only will she lose her son, but any children you are blessed with. I would seriously have a talk with her, along with her son. That way she can't say "she said this or that". Invite her to your place, and tell to begin with you have the most important thing in common. Explain that you only want what a good mother like her(don't laugh or smirk) whats for their child. A good loving woman that will only bring him happiness. That you don't want to come between them, and that you would like for her and you to have some kind of relationship, because all this bickering is hurt your fiance.

If she doesn't realize what she might lose, then there is nothing you can do. It will be his call, unless you let him go. Can you live with the possibilty that she might not come to the wedding? Or cut him off? It's not fair, it's certainly not right, but some people just can't see pass the color, race, or other circumstances. I truly hope the talk works, and that you can become a family, it's not going to be easy, but it is possible. You are going to have to be the bigger person here, and hold out your hand. I pray that she doesn't slap it, but grasp it and come to love you like a daughter.

God bless us all.........

Answer 3

My mother is Asian also...and my father is white. I know that my dad loves his mother, but if it ever came down to it...he would have married my mom regardless. Once you get married and your fiance's mom sees how much he really loves you then she'll come around. It won't be right away, but it will happen eventually. It isn't your fault so don't beat yourself up over it! Tell your fiance that you two will get married when he feels comfortable, so he doesn't feel like you're forcing him to choose. If things don't change with his mother, then just suggest you get married because you love each other...you are going to make your own family and that is what matters.

Answer 4

Don't take it personally. A lot of people are raised to look down on (be afraid) people that are not like them. If you two love each other and are serious about getting married, go to pre marital counseling. (it's a really good idea, and helps). You cant change your fiance's mother's attitude, but you can still be respectful and kind. After the two of you are married, she (if she didn't go) will only hurt herself for not going, it would be the biggest mistake of her life. Sometimes, it just takes time to get used to change. If she starts saying things inappropriately, I would say to her, I understand that you wouldn't have picked me for your son, however he has picked me, and you should be happy that he is happy. God made us all bleed the same, and he would be very disappointed in her intolerance.

Answer 5

I think his mom feel threaten b/c you are now in his life. like you said they were best friends before and now b/c of you he yelled at her. I believed there is a better way of handling this. In the future if she says anything negative towards you. Do sit down and talk to her about it. Ask her why she's treating you this way? Have her son sit down and explain to her that he loves you for who you are. Arguing w. her doesn't make this situation better.
Obvious she's not giving you a chance b/c on your ethinicity. That's her lost! If she continue to be this way don't include her in the wedding. Give her some time....if she sees that you treat her son good she will eventually give in. I am Asian myself and my parents always teach me to respect the elders and I know you will do the same. Regardless how she is to you you still have to resepct her..... You can kill her with kindness.....

Answer 6

You cannot accept responsibility for your fiances mother's actions. You have nothing to do with her predjudices, feelings, etc. If she chooses to not attend her son's wedding to you, then that is her choice. You have NOT torn them apart--put that in writing on a card and tape it to your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, front door, steering wheel on the car, etc. His mother is making the choice that is driving her son from her, and she will have to live with the consequences. Period.

Talk to your fiance though, listen to him, and let him talk through his feelings. You should not in any way, shape, size or form attempt to contact his mother on his behalf, this will only make things much worse. Let him handle his family, you handle yours. Be understanding of him, allow him to mourn over his mother's actions. Just don't get involved.

BTW, your fiance sounds like a great man, bless him for standing up to his mother and defending you. Sounds like you have a great guy there!!!!

Answer 7

Hey Sweety, take a deep breath and calm down.
The old bag is gonna die some day and that will leave you and him.
I am a mother of 2 kids that are of marryiing age and whoever, whatever person sex, race, I don't care if it makes them happy, I am happy. Your future mother in law is a nightmare. I would encourage you to ask her what she means by "his own kind".....?????? I really don't understand what that means..what a bitc*........
You have to nip this in the bud, ie...get her out of your life and your thoughts, send her a seperate invotation to the wedding and tell her there are going to be a lot of "your kind" around and if she doesn't like it she should stay home.grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...I hate people w/ attitudes like that, they are mean. Mean people suck.
Hopefully she has some terminal illness, and will not be around for much longer!!!!
My heart goes out to yu, hang in there, sounds like hubby to be is there for you, good luck, don't let the evil MIL from he** scare you off, she is just a waaste of your time.

Answer 8

You really need to discuss your feelings with your fiance. This is an issue that only your fiance can deal with his mother about. unfortunetly you need to stay out of it. He is the one who has to talk to her and stand up for your relationship and if he is okay with not having his mom there than you need to support him because he will feel hurt, but this isn't your fault. It was a choice he made. I went through and am still going through something similiar. My husband's mother has never really liked me not because of our ethnic difference but because my husband is her first son and her fave child, so she has always said mean things to me and done mean things to me, but my husband chose me over her. he let her know i wasn't going anywhere so she had to deal or risk losing him, so she learned to deal. GOOD LUCK and if you guys are meant to be this will all work out have faith in your love and relationship.

Answer 9

If you put your wedding on hold then you are giving control to your mother's finance. Please don't give her that kind of control. Your wedding day is about you and your man. She will eventually come around for her son's sake at some point in time you just be there for your man and get married.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, your fiance's mom is a racist idiot. Although racial stuff shouldn't get in the way of love, remember, that when you marry him, you'll have a racist mother in law.

Hopefully, you two can overcome this. And your fiance should tell his mom to accept you, because he's going to be with you no matter what.

Good luck.