Should I be upset with my mum ... £2000 down the drain?

Question

I won £5000's worth of holiday vouchers in September and used £2000 of them to take my son to Mauritius in October, then asked my mum and brother where they would like to go.

My mum said she'd like to go to St Lucia and the best time for her was February 07 so I used a further £2000 of the vouchers to book a 2 week holiday for her and my brother. My mum told me yesterday very matter of factly that if she was to go now she would not get holiday pay from work as she had no entitlement left, therefore she was not going to go now.
I explained that the holiday was NON-REFUNDABLE, NON-CHANGEABLE and NON-TRANSFERABLE so no-onelse could go in their place - the £2k would be lost if she did not go. I also said "but you were the one who told me to book for that date, and if I'd known you were going to change your mind I could have booked the holiday for other people to go". She really does not seem to care that £2k is wasted and I feel so hurt and angry that she has done this..

So out of the £5k I booked the £2k holiday for me and my son; the £2k holiday to St Lucia for my mother and brother and a £1k flight for me to New Zealand in June 07. As I had booked the holiday to St Lucia there was no money left on the voucher for me to book a hotel for myself in New Zealand.. just the flight ....
Also I did not just win the holiday out of fresh air.. it was a competition that ran for about 4 months and I had to create a webpage with holiday tips and attract visitors to my page... I was working on my webpage over 14 hours a day to try and win the competiton...

BTW I really am not lying about this... I feel so upset about it as she really does not seem to care so I woindered whether I was wrong for feeling so angry about it... I don;t feel that i can talk to her again as that holiday could have gone to someonelse...

cov111.. my mother chose the dates and insisted that was when she wanted to go.. I didn't choose the dates at all.. she did no make a mistake she just doesn not care.. she is like this. I will buy her birthday presents and xmas presents and she will give them to other people or put them in the attic or tell me she does not like them. But I still try to please her all the time... no more though..

"the dougal".. I do think about how else I could have used it as my friend of over 10 years asked if I would use it for her to go to New Zealand with me in June 07, and I said that I had to prioritise my mum.. and we have not spoken since September because of this...

BIG IRONY... JUST GOT A LETTER IN THE DOOR FROM MY MUM SAYING SHE HAS WON £1000'S WORTH OF ELECTRICAL GOODS AND WANTS TO GIVE ME £500. HOW WOULD SHE LIKE IT IF I DID TO HER WHAT SHE HAS DONE TO ME AND TAKE THE GOODS THEN GIVE THEM AWAY FOR FREE!!!!!

Answer 1

Could you phone up the boss and make out like it's some kind of special holiday? Alternatively, you could ask her for the 2 grand in cash as compo...

(and yes, I would be f***ing livid if this had happened to me)

Answer 2

Of course you have reason to be angry, you mother didn't just let you down, she may also have let your brother down as well.
You should have made the point of explaining the procedure clearly to her beforehand, you probably did, and I don't know of course how much money you mother earns, but I imagine losing
two weeks pay would have been a small price to pay for the holiday, if she couldn't get paid leave.
You have apparently made up you mind to let your mother, and brother share the reward of your efforts. I put it to you that you did this because you loved them.
You have let you mum know how she has wasted £2,000 worth of holiday vouchers. Now realize why you wanted her to go on holiday, and realize that had she and your brother gone, you still wouldn't have those vouchers to spend with your next trip,. So you are no worse off, you mum has lost an holiday, your brother may have lost an holiday, or may still be able to go. But you have the same money available for your 2nd holiday as you would have had anyway.
Your mum may have prevented your brother from going, if so he has a right to be angry.
But now you are in the same position you would have been anyway. Do you want to undo all the good you tried to do, by rewarding your mum for being what she has been? You mum has wasted her holiday, that is punishment enough.
Love your mum, but learn not to trust her on similar matters again.
And enyoy your holiday next year.

Answer 3

I'm sure you mum would be able to negotiate something with her boss if she explained the situation.
I know you're really angry, and i would be too. But remember, it's your mum. £2k is a lot of money, but it's not worth ruining your relationship for.
Arrange to meet up in a very public place, like a busy restaurant (so you can't get too mad!) and talk to her about it. Tell her how hurt you feel and how much you wanted to do something special for her.
But, also, remember that you chose to give her that holiday voucher, so it's hers to do what she wants with it. If she doesn't go, the only person it should affect is her. Don't think of how else you could have used it.
good luck xx

Answer 4

All is not completely lost, go to the agency that gave the vouchers and explain the situation to one of the managers there, most will work with you, even if its says its not refundable they might be agreeable to transfer it to another name, for a reasonable fee.

Your other alternative is to sell it on the open market, to someone of the same name, the tickets only list names, not detailed personal information so someone with the same name can use them ..its been done before and it works.

Yes your mother should have checked to make sure she had entitlement left before she had you book the tickets, surely she doesn't make 2K every two weeks, so if she took a leave of absence without pay she would lose less than the tickets worth...so unless she is really pressed for cash she would theoretically come out ahead...Talk to her about it as I have explained, she might come around.

And...Yes..you have every right to be upset at her, but if you deal with this in an adult thinking manner and maintain your cool you might be able to salvage the situation..

Answer 5

Wow. That's not very nice.

She obviously made a mistake but you cannot make her go. She cannot go but she could at least be a bit more apologetic. Some people have an "easy come easy go attitude" and don't see winnings as having any value. Is she jealous you won?
How much will she loose in pay for the holiday? Its not going to be £2000 is it? Could she not take advantage? Could she tell her boss she won the holiday and it cannot be changed? She could maybe take some of next years holiday now. Its nearly the end of the year after all and you don't get a chance like that very often. I don't envy you that one. Ill be interested to see what other people think.

BTW. you are very justified to be angry!

Answer 6

I can see why you are upset as your mum doesn't seem to care. However what if you contact the agency where you booked your mum' holiday and tried to change it surely if you explained it and twisted the truth a little they should hopefully be able to change the dates for you.

However talk to your mum again and ask her why she agreed to those dates when she knew that she couldn't go, perhaps she just got mixed up with the dates, as I'm sure that she wouldn't have done it on purpose.

I understand that you are upset and hurt, but you mustn't let this fight between you and your mum get out of hand. After all she is your mum

Answer 7

I think that your mum is being very cold. There are hundreds and millions of mums out there that would have been so proud to have a daughter to recieve such a great gesture from. I know that when i gave my mum £20 to buy herself something she was overcome with emotion. It sounds to me like your mum is jelous of you. If she treats all your gifts like they are nothing then she is completely lacking the maternal instinct! The least she could do is be spilling with apology and regret about the holiday but live and learn by this. You only get ONE mum but that doesn't mean she can keep dis-respecting you like this. Treat the £2k as a loss as there is nothing more you can do about it but don't let your mum know how much it has got to you. Be very matter of fact from now on when she tries to hurt your feelings. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she has hurt you. I may be barking up the wrong tree but is she a bit of a controlling person? i ask this because she has shown typical behaviour of a person who is natured in this way. Keep your chin up babe, you sound like a diamond of a daughter, if she wants to be so nasty then you just leave her to it, she only has herself to live with

Answer 8

You poor thing! I dont know where to start!!! I can understand you feeling upset!! Can't your mum explain to her work that these are special circumstances and can she take the holiday entitlement for the following year instead? After all she's the one who has put you in this predicament. What does your mum feel about her wasting all this money? Put it to her.... how would she feel if it was the other way round? Goodness... what a mess!!! Whatever the outcome, I hope its not too painful for you... Good luck x

Answer 9

If your angry, your angry. There is no point trying not to be. Be true to your feelings and respect them or they will come round and bite you on the bum!!
I would be well angry in your postion. I love my mum, as I am sure you do too, but it does seem like she is being a bit flippant. 2000 quid holiday is a lot to lose, and you have earned it after all. You need to talk to your mum and tell her what she is doing doesn't seem fair.
Can't she borrow 2 weeks hols from next year??
Be careful with your generosity next time!!

Answer 10

I do understand how you are feeling it makes it a lot worse for you with your mother not seeming to care, she should have been so chuffed that you were prepared to use your vouchers on her. But it should have taught you a lesson there are givers and takers in life and you are give, give, give in every way possible to make your mother happy, but it never works, whatever you give is never enough and then they expect it from you. Be strong the trouble is your mother will never change so you have to. I understand because I am in the same sitution not with vouchers but with a selfish mother.

Answer 11

I can totally understand your anger as your mum doesn't seem to care. Maybe she thinks it doesn't matter as it was vouchers you won and not your actual money. I don't really see what you can do if there is definitely no way of changing them. I really sympathise and would be just as angry. Just make sure your mum knows how angry you are and how selfish she has been.