11 year old crying hysterically? Is there anything I can do?

Question

Father who has lived in another country for 10 yrs and could only afford to see his kids about 2xs a year and call about 1x weekly finally gets them to the USA. He works about 18 hrs per day however. Occasionally takes them with him to work where he is self-employed as a limo driver. Yes it’s a dangerous job and as the step mother I don’t agree with him taking them with him but he never consults me and would cuss me out if I gave my input. This am he promises the youngest, age 11/only girl that she can go with him today for the first time in 2 months. She can’t find the shoes she wants to wear in time. The father must leave to get a well paying customer. Stepmother tries to help and promises child she will take her to the father’s job herself in a few minutes. Child is inconsolable, doesn’t answer any questions (what shoes did you want to wear? Would you please sit up?) and cries hysterically. What to do?

Thanks everyone for your input so far. Several people are saying to leave her alone and let her cry it out. I guess I have no choice. She's totally unresponsive when I try to be comforting or soothing I am aware however that as a kid no matter how gut wrenching my situation was my mother would NEVER allow me to not respond to her. If I was hysterical and she asked me a question I better at least nod my head or get it slapped off LOL. Not that I advocate that but expecting kids to be respectful of us even when they have some painful thing happen...can be character building. Still I'll follow the consensus since I asked for help and let her ignore me and just let her cry it out then comfort her if she allows me to. Also the first reply from "wellnew222" or whatever their name is has been reported for obviously not reading the question and therefore being a dumb azz.

Answer 1

It is called puberty. Being a FEMALE I would assume that even though you are the step mother YOU went through puberty at one time. What to do? Be understanding. I don't know what it was that prevented her father from seeing her more than 2 times a year for the past 10 years but he owes her BIG TIME. You can't expect her to completely rearrange her life history and the things she is used to all of a sudden, especially not during puberty. Let her cry it out, leave her alone. She has some major adjustments to make with her life now and it's a difficult time for her to be doing so...

Answer 2

I have a 10-8-and 4 year old and the fourth on the way....my 10 year old will be 11 in a couple of months.....dont coddle this behavior she is too old to be whining about her shoes...my daughter does this a lot and she cries too. You tell her that if she does not have shoes on when its time to go that she will not be going period. It might seem cruel but it is necessary that you show her by actions and words how serious you are. You could also tell her that she should have had her clothes and shoes sorted a day before all this. Does she love her shoes or want to spend time with dad? Tell her this and if it is no good then ignore her behavior and be prepared for a very large fit and a long sulk after she sees that her time is up and its too late to go. She will remember next time.

Answer 3

She's going through some stress with all of the changes. Moving to a new country and getting to know a new step-mother can cause kids to act out. Everything is strange and new to her, she's going to react. The fact that she never really spends any time with her dad doesn't help either. Try getting her to a counselor. You can use the ones at her school, a clergy member or a trusted friend who's really good with kids. Someone who will spend time with her and build her trust would be able to get to the bottom of what's really bothering her. Good luck!

Answer 4

You got a Drama Queen going through puberty, that add to it the fact that she never got much time with daddy, she really values it now, to her daddy getting mad, is like him saying, I don't have time for you. Talk to hubby about this and ask him to be less verbal about his anger, and more understanding to her needs and feelings. Remember that he really hasn't had much practice with her either, let him know you understand that, but his reaction was hurtful. When she is inconsolable, just pick up her face so she can see your eyes, and say, "I will be here when you calm down and are ready to let me console you." Don't make excuses for him and after you have talked to him calmly, he can apologize to her for his own rudeness. BTW be careful, if he cusses you out in front of the kids, they won't respect you either, even if you are taking their side. Been there. Good Luck

Answer 5

If you give into her now and treat her "delicately because of her situation" Then she will manipulate you for the rest of her life.
Like one poster said, let her cry it out.
Tell her that if she not willing to stop crying than she'll have to wait until tomorrow to go with her dad. She needs to understand that although her tears are perhaps genuine, crying and carrying on is not the behaviour that is going to get her way.
Treat her with respect but like any other child, yes even your own or as you would your own... it is tough for you but you and your husband, ( her dad) both need to work together on this and having errant behaviour is going to allow the both of you being controlled. What parent takes thier child to work? Doesn't matter if they see them part time, all the time or rarely. No one should take thier children to work with them, yes there are occasions, but you husband needs to spend time with them away from his work, that is what a family does.

Answer 6

I would just allow her to cry. If this happens often, it could be a sign that her period is about to come. My friend's daughter cried all the time, most of the time, for no good reason and she soon got her period. She was also eleven years old. Good luck though and if you havent already, you probably need to have the period talk!

Answer 7

that's quite uneven, you may elect to evaluation to team specific matters mutually into one sentence quite of various ones. besides the undeniable fact that, you have fantastic vocabulary and spelling for an 11 300 and sixty 5 days old and it relatively is not undesirable in any respect. additionally, your paragraphs are too long. once you turn to a distinctive subject rely, you ought to make a clean paragraph. working example, on your 0.33 paragraph you ought to make a clean paragraph once you start up speaking with regard to the nightmares and psychological breakdowns. by no skill provide up writing! :)

Answer 8

Remind her that you love her Daddy too and it's hard to be apart so much. I have a friend who was a single father of two girls. He was a bus driver who started work at 5AM. He would bring the girls on the bus and drop them at school at 8:30AM. It seemed weird to me, but they were happy.

This young lady is probably getting a first flush of hormone, too, so things may hit her harder.
I hope you find a way to reach through her unhappiness.

Answer 9

let her do her thing in her room, inform her that when she is finished she can look for her shoes, and after she finds them you will take her to her father. some times you just can't do anything for them. they have to cool off and then they will start to think sensibly.

Answer 10

let her cry herself out. tell her when she's ready to be grown up about it, then you can go