Can you help with social skills?

Question

First off, if you have nothing positive and constructive to say, please just move on, you are wasting my time and your time.

Ok, now that the disclaimer is out of the way, my problem is this, I have issues approaching women, for whatever reason, possibly due to bad experiences in my childhood. (If you are a jackass who just can't seem to resist jumping all over this opportunity to try to boost your ego by cutting someone else down, try your best to get a hold of yourself)

The truth is, I find women to be very cold and judgemental upon first meeting them. It seems like there is this impenetrable wall, and breaking the ice requires so much damn energy. I am an honest, genuine person, but these traits seems to go completely unnoticed. Is it really necessary to make a huge impression with a woman before she will take notice of a man?

There is so much competition involved in the "mating/dating" game. Am I completely alone in feeling this way? Anyone else out there feel the same?

Answer 1

The "wall" of coldness is often fear, especially if she is attractive and maybe gets approached all the time. If she is shy she may not know how to handle attention. It's best to find some way to put the girl at ease, especially through humor or finding a way to be helpful. Also, if you are at an event together and if there is something confusing or difficult, you can admit that you don't know what you are supposed to do in X situation. By revealing your vulnerability you are making her feel safer revealing something about herself. Also, persistence (in a polite way) can never be overestimated. Remember that getting to know a girl does not all ride on the first moment or first sentence. That puts too much pressure on you to say or do the right thing. Relax, play it by ear and don't give up after the first few sentences. If things trail off, go back and continue. Pretend it's going well even when you're not sure. Just sticking around is a huge part of it.

Answer 2

I hate to say this, but just from reading your post, it sounds like you've got a really negative attitude about the whole process. I understand that, because I'm the same way.

What I've found is that when I take my everyday, shitty attitude into interactions, I get a negative or disinterested response. When I become excited about an interaction and approach someone with enthusiasm, I get a very positive response and I surprise myself with my social abilities.

I'm almost sure you'll find this advice to be pollyannaish, I would too. But, it works. Try reading How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnage. The advice sounds phony, but it's the key to human interaction. Smile, compliment, take an interest in the other person by asking questions. It will feel wrong and forced the first time you do it, but eventually it will become second nature as you become more and more successful. All it takes is a little enthusiasm. If you have to, fake it at first. Enthusiasm is infectious and you'll become good at it rapidly.

Answer 3

Honest opinion would be to work on your 'self-esteem' and your 'perspective'. Begin with a clean state....Try a newer approach. Sometimes unknowingly we too are pre-judging people who we accuse of pre-judging us. How well informed you are is how confident you will be. You have to appear confident too. If there are those who do not value your qualities, they are not mean't to be and you will be better off moving on...

Remember, it is better not to be in a relationship than a BAD one....good luck...do your homework..

Answer 4

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