Im a 19 year old student and have been having a relationship with my partner for the last year or so. H eis 10 years older than me and had a bit of a reputation with the ladies. Basically speaking he was used to quite an adventurous sex life. I lost my virginity to him a month or so ago and couldnt believe the pain I went through. Anyway ever since Iv been too afraid to try again. Im worried I will loose my boyfriend I love him more than anything but he kindly pointed out 2 me last night whilst drunk that he loved everything about me and loves me more than anything but the problem with our sex life is becoming a problem for him as he has quite a high sex drive. I understand what he is saying but I couldnt help feeling hurt and worried about this.I dnt know what to do I feel that Im letting him down and Im going 2 loose him because of this. Iv got it into my head that Im a rubbish lover.Please help me I have no confidence
2006-11-19 05:57:28 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he said he loves you while drunk, he defintly is pointing out something
2006-11-19 05:59:42 · answer #1 · answered by Dr. Yasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hayley, You're expecting too much of yourself and too much of sex. It really takes practice and imagination to make it great. Someone who is inexperienced is going to find it confusing and a little frightening. Give it some time and ask your partner to work with you so you don't go into panic mode when you get close to penetration. If you can't get stimulated enough to lubricate internally, try K-Y jelly. Also,see your doctor. He or she may be able to point you toward a physical solution but the psychological one is the most important. Sex may not be so pleasurable the first 3 or 4 times you have it but if your partner goes slow and takes time to get you excited it should eventually become pain free and a lot of fun. If your partner can't help you with this, he may not be the right one for you.
2006-11-19 06:10:40 · answer #2 · answered by Holly R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first thing is first the first pain of loosing your virginity you will not feel again but honestly speaking if you wait too long to have sex you will a little bit of pain not to frighten you or anything ,next thing is you will have to tell him exactly how you are feeling, and if he doesn't respond in a nice way then i suggest you find a nicer boy ok good luck.
2006-11-19 06:32:10 · answer #3 · answered by Tash x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a high sex drive is not a reason to force your girlfriend to have sex.
Did you talk to him regarding your hesitation in having sex again? If not, then the two of you should talk. If your boyfriend really loves you as much as he is claiming, then he should understand how you feel.
Don't be too hard on your self. There is no reason why you should feel less about yourself.
2006-11-19 06:10:30 · answer #4 · answered by bruno 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, it does pain a little bit when you or anyone loses ones virginity. It is essential that one doesn't get scared due to that. Secondly, try using lubricants. Thirdly, this bf seems to have plenty of experience hence its is easy for him to go rough; make him understand you aren't so experienced and its painful for you and that you need his co-operation.
Believe in your self you are not a rubbish lover, All you need is a bit more experience, you may even practice with dildos and watch your pain disappear as if you never had it.
2006-11-19 06:08:26 · answer #5 · answered by Shailesh K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have a physical problem (very rare at your age) then sex shouldn't be painful if you're with a man who is careful and considerate of the fact that it's your first time. He may have had lots of women in the past but he hasn't gained much experience of women. Dump him, and find a man who is loving and considerate.
2006-11-19 06:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you were having "relations" for about a year before having sex. Was it a problem for him then? Ask him to be patient and understanding. Probably also to try a few things without penetration to get you feeling comfortable again. Its normal for you to feel you don't want to let him down but you should look after yourself in this instance. Get yourself comfortable again before doing anything in haste.
2006-11-19 06:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by charlie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever you do don't do it for him do it for you, you are just as important as him and if he cares for you he will understand.
However I think that it hurts 1st time for most women it is very common and you shouldn't worry about the 2nd time just relax and enjoy it. If the pain consists then think about talking to someone and ask if your BF will support you with this
But I am sure that it is just the 1st time blues, all girls and some boys will worry that they wasn't good enough and tense up and then make the experience painfull again as I said relax and I'm sure you will enjoy it
2006-11-19 06:07:28 · answer #8 · answered by Peachy Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK well here's my advice the guy isn't worth it if he is making you feel like u have no confidence. also you said your feeling hurt and worried that your going to lose him if u don't fulfill his needs well that's wrong for u to feel like that no man should make u feel like that. also if he really cares about u and loves u like he says he does then he'll learn to control that high sex drive of his. i had the same problem before and u had said u understand what he is saying but does he understand how your feeling? most likely not because when it comes to sex and men they only really care about their sexual feelings. everyone can control their sexual drive no matter how high or low well i hope i helped.
2006-11-19 06:05:57 · answer #9 · answered by amelia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it hurt you, then it is him who is the one lacking skill in that area. Dont forget, quantity does not equate with quality. He seems to be contributing, probably unintentionally, to your poor self esteem especially sexually. It is a shame. He had the opportunity to make it the most wonderful experience for you and having failed in that, he is allowing you to think it is down to you. IT IS NOT.
You may feel this is harsh, but your best bet is to walk away now and find yourself a more considerate lover to show you how it really can be.
2006-11-19 06:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not a rubbish lover at all. he should of went very steady when making love to a virgin .the first time is never how it should be so dont worry.the trouble being that we fall for a first lover we all do .unfortuntly we never end up with them but we all manage to find the right one in the end .so dont be to hard on yourself . love is out there and normally comes when we least expect it .
2006-11-19 06:15:48 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋