My mother always insults me is this normal?

Question

she says that in her house my husband will not discipline my daughter (not biological) because it is her house. If i dont call her the day before she babysits, she says when i show up "oh I am watching her today no one called me" even though this has been our schedule for over a year now. She gets made at me when i tell my almost 5 yr old to hurry up and quit being pokey, saying i am being mean she is just a baby. She says i expect too much to have her make her bed (no one critiques her making it we know it isnt perfect) , and that she never made me do that stuff when i was younger. She says I better not move away since they just bought a house in the surrounding area since last time i said i would be in that area. She does alot for us dinners/laundry/ has purchased alot. I didnt ask, she says she wants to, even though i have said you dont need to, but i feel she uses this as a way of still being needed. I cant approach her about this she will just get mad at not talk to me for weeks

Answer 1

she seems a bit cinical and abrasive and harsh ...(mom may have past resentments of her own makeing her bitter!

Answer 2

WOW! Sounds a lot like my mother!!! LOL!
I know exactly what you are going through... spent most of my life in the same place and it's hard because we all want to be loved and appreciated by our mother. For a very long time I accepted every thing just like you I did not want her to be upset.
Well, after years of trying and accepting... one day I woke up and I just couldn't take it anymore so I changed ( that's the secret you need to be the one making the change because she will not).
If I were you I would make my own laundry and blablabla... and I would play her silly game by giving her a call before she babysits.
I would not say a word when she talks about your children... honestly do you think you are a good mom? So, who cares what she thinks.(In the long run your kids are going to get upset at her for treating you so poorly that's exactly my case... often my daughter says "mom she's so mean to you and you never do anything to her).
Do not give her room to say anything and when she does say stuff ignore it...
Be nice when she is nice and with time it will get better for you!
I gave you advice that wasn't harsh because I know it's not easy.
Good luck!
Look at it this way whenever she drives you insane you can always come here and vent! LOL!!!

Answer 3

hmmmmm...i'm sort of stuck in the same boat except i don't have kids. however, my mother does live next door and is always telling us what to do, that our house is a pig stye, and how to take care of our animals. if we don't do what she suggested "right now," she will come right over (without knocking) and start doing the things she told us to do, when we said we will do them (we're just in the middle of watching a movie or something.) she will insist on asking a barrage of questions or make such a ruckus that we have to stop the movie while she's taking her time doing everything, anyway. :) gotta love er.

maybe, just gently joke back with her about the babysitting thing by saying, "mom, you could almost set a clock to the time we bring her here every week," and then smile, or something that fits your personality.

on the child rearing "help" that she gives you, you might want to gust put it gently to her that you don't see anything wrong with setting boundaries for your child, because, honestly, i've studied a lot of child psychology, and the earlier you begin teaching a child what is expected of them, and what is inappropriate, the easier they are going to be to deal with when the get older. You will have almost all of your time to show them love and ultimately will be spending less and less time letting them know right from wrong (because they learned when they were younger what their boundaries are.)

i find nothing more annoying than seeing little adorable children shrieking at the top of their lungs, running amuck in a restaurant, as the parents just sit there and act like absolutely nothing out of the ordinary is going on.

when i was helping my late ex-husband to take care of his girls, they were always so well-behaved and easy to handle, and we had quality time to spend together because they were raised from a young age with boundaries, but when they did something good we always showered them with praise.

i like to think that when i'm parenting, i do use some of how my parents raised me, but not the parts that i thought that weren't beneficial. my dad was a little too stern and strict, and my mom was the total opposite, and they never worked as a team, which i also believe is crucial in parenting. if you don't stick together on decisions, this undermines your authority with the children, and they ARE QUICK. they pick up on this, and use it to their advantage. i know i did... ;) children are always testing their boundaries to see what they can and can't get away with. it seems as if you are on the right track, but if you have your mother interfering in the process, then it undermines your authority. eventually your daughter will pick this up, (if she hasn't already) that she has grandma wrapped around her little finger, and she will use that. that just how kids are. hahaha.

oh...and if your husband is helpng you in the child rearing process, then he needs to be able to set boundaries for your daughter reguardless of whose house he is in. if she refuses to accept this, you maybe will have to stop using her as a babysitter. if the rules keep changing, this just confuses children.

you need to sit her down and have a talk, or something before it gets out of hand. i know from experience that family is the hardest to deal with because they are the closest people to you. i'm finally realizing that i have to cut the apron strings and move farther away from mom before it gives me a heart attack because she refuses to change and back off a little. let's hope your situation doesn't get that bad.

Answer 4

You are nicer than me...lol If she said that to me about my husband I would just leave. And if she made that remark about watching her granddaughter I would pick up the child and leave then too. When she tells you how to bring up your daughter say thats the way we do things in my house. I would also not be taking her help...by doing so you are implying you 'owe' her something. You cant have your cake and eat it too. She uses it to have a hold over you....the ungrateful child syndrome. Refuse her help on most things and stand up to her and leave if she makes snide remarks to you. She will come running to find out what is wrong with you and then you can tell her that you wont be standing for it anymore. If she doesnt like it well thats up to her. You cant change her behaviour...but you can change yours and trust me she will come around..especially when she realises she isnt seeing her grandchildren over it. You and your husband need to present a united front especially in the matter of your child. Trust me if you leave every time she makes a remark she will notice and it will stop...dont fight with her...just bundle yourselves up and leave.

Answer 5

Give her a taste of her own medicine. When she approaches you to find out why you won't speak to her, let her have it full blast. Tell her unless this **** stops, she better get used to having you not talk to her. You don't need anyone telling you how to run your life, how to raise your daughter, etc. so back off.

Answer 6

Wow i don't think that is normal if she really cares she would forget about it or talk about it nicely. I think thats fine that you make your little one do stuff it will make them more responsible.