Why does it feel like I'm being used?

Question

My sister-in-law is very jealous of our family, and she's expressed this jealosy to her mother who told my mother who told me. Long story short--we have everything in a family she's always wanted.

She wants to take my son out for a play date with her friend's son. On the surface, I'm thinking, "yes! I can do shopping and cleaning! Thank you!"

However, today she told us that she was feeling out of place being with her friends who have kids and want to feel at home.

I'm feeling like she's using our son to fit in with her friends. I understand, but could I not be involved as well? That's me being selfish, but I've expressed a desire to attend as well.

This hurts, stemming from the point that our church basically considers our son to be hers since we had a child out of wedlock. Doesn't make sense, but that's how they've treated us.

The question: how should I approach this? While I know that I cannot block my own feelings, I know that there is no solution.

I should mention that it wasn't until our son that she became so agressively jealous. After being treated fairly poor at my wedding, I've decided that I need to be the bigger person and realize that I can only control myself. While she is as jealous as anyone, I can love her unconditionally.

I have to tell you, it's getting tough!

Answer 1

Well, dear, I am relieved to see you refer to the child as "My son." Church or no church, you are his mother, and you have the final say.

Tell Sister In Law that you would like to meet the parents and children in the playgroup your son is attending. If she says no, then he can't go. You need to know where he is going and who is there.

Part of her reasoning for not wanting you there may be that this is her arena for playing mommy. If you feel comfortable with the parents and children in the play group, then let Auntie take your son. The other parents will have met his mom and acknowledge her as the aunt. Then take some time, go shopping, do the cleaning in peace.

Don't let Your jealousy interfere in a situation where everyone can win. You get space, he gets a playgroup, and she fulfills her desire to act like a Mom now and again.

Answer 2

I would be concerned about anyone that is willing to use a child just so they can 'hang out' with friends so she can, "...feel at home". That shows more concern for her 'social status' than the child. Is her ego that big?
You're correct, there is no solution to her ego, but you can start reducing the number of times she is allowed to take the child or insist that you go too. The attitude of church members might also be changed.

Answer 3

She needs help. She also needs to get a life outside of the church as well as the family.