How do you cope with the loss of a parent? I haven't yet but Dad not in great health so worry that he'll die

Question

..soon..

My Dad has had a serious heart problem for the last coupla years - he is 65, lately he has been feeling breathless/pains etc and seems to have aged 10 fold in last coupla months.

Therefore when I put my daughter who is 2 to bed for the last 3 nights I have just cried and cried. I keep remembering all the stories he told me when he was younger and about my Granny..also flooded with memories of when I was a kid and stroppy teenager/selfish young adult etc

My Dad is my best friend and I could not have asked for a kinder, brighter or funnier man so the thought of life without him there just absolutely destroys me..

Dunno if this is normal either but also just feel so sad that he did not have a better life (money very tight and always some quagmire) and guilty for the many times I was a brat and did not appreciate him or took him for granted or was grumpy etc

Writing this just feeling distraught..

I know that I need to snap out of it and just make the most of time have left but at the moment feel this huge cloud looming and even when you aint supposed to feel a certain way it doesnt stop you feeling it..

Have told him how much I love him and how sorry I am for the times I may have let him down..

Just seeing him so old/weak and at the end of his life just breaks my heart - that and the thought that the rest of my life will feel so empty without this wonderful person there to share it with.

I know I have to carry on for the sake of my daughter but I think being a single Mum makes the feeling more acute because I won't be able to share the joy of her with him. Both the most important people in my life.

Also I remember him with me when I was my daughter's age which only seems like yesterday making life seem so so short - also once become a parent myself realise all he has done for me even though as say as a teenager did think he had ruined my life? Why I dont know!?

Answer 1

He is not gone yet and you don't really know what is going on. Tell him that you are scared of lossing him. Apoligize for being a brat, or just plain difficult at times. Let him know that you love him very much. Its normal that after someone dies around that is close you are in fear of lossing some else you love dearly. If you find out bad news enjoy the time you have and be thankful you have a chance to do what most people would love to do. Keep in mind that he might be stronger than you think.

Answer 2

I am only 17 years old and my dad was in intensive care for a seriouse problem with his appendix and I was only 13 years old when he passed.When my mom told me that my dad wanted to get off the machines and he only had a couple of weeks to live I was crushed and couldnt beleive that I would be losing my dad. Like you my dad was my best friend in the whole wide world.It wasnt really a big shock when I came to the hospital and found out that he had passed cause I new it was coming up I didnt really crie or anything but now over 3 years later I am feeling the low deppresed feeling of not having my dad around anymore and at night I can sometimes catch myself crying.Like you I also was a little brat to my dad and a pain in the butt and we argued alot,but I try to look past those times and try to remember the fun times that we had together playing our favorite games or telling each other a funny joke or just watching our favorite shows toghether.This is mostly how I cope with the loss of my dad but I usually keep these thoughts to myself and I dont open up to my mom or my family cause I just have trouble doing that but I can with my good friends.I know that im just a 17 year old teenager telling you how I cope with the loss of my father but I do know what you are going through and Its a very hard thing to go through.I hope that everything goes ok for you during this hard time.♥God Bless♥

Answer 3

you have just brought tears to my eyes
my dad died when i was 26 i just had my first child she was 5 months old when he had a heart attack at home alone
i don't really know how i coped i think having my daughter helped me get through the worst
my dad brought me up as a single parent
yes i was the same as you when i was a child

i right hand full

9 years on and i still miss him

my dad had this saying about me that sounds selfish or like i was spoilt but it don't really
he would say that he and i had an understanding "what ever i wanted i got"

i know he meant love, that same love you give your daughter

you will cope i had the same thoughts while my dad was alive

be glad you were a hand full to him he loves you no matter what

your daughter will do the same to you I've found that out already ha ha

just make sure that you have a good chat with your dad now before it's too late
that way you will have an understanding with him before he dies

i never did and regret that now
i got my understanding from my mum before she passed away and realise how much it meant to me from her

take good care of your self

hope your dad lives as long as possible
your love for him is more than money can ever buy

Answer 4

I lost my Dad nine years ago to a stroke caused by heart disease. It is really important that your Dad keeps under medical supervision and acts upon doctor's advice! Eventually, we all lose our parents, it is the natural order of things (and much preferable than them losing you, their child). Bereavement has to be allowed to run its course - first there is shock, disbelief & anger. This is all healthy and I coped by getting busy with funeral arrangements, sorting out insurance & pension benefits etc. for my Mum. After a couple of months, the pain receded and I found much consolation that Dad was my friend and mentor. The happy memories outlive the bereavement. I hope you have many more years with your Dad; when the time comes you will be OK and you will have had the privilege of having been a good daughter and a true friend to him. I'm pleased to hear to hear that you were a stroppy teenager - I bet your Dad wouldn't have you any other way (guys like a gal with some fire in their belly!) Give yourself a break and wait for events in their own good time. Remember also you've been a great daughter who has also given your Dad a grandchild. LOL

Answer 5

Dealing with the loss of any loved one, especially one that you have a great, super bond with, is not easy. The only thing you can do is not dwell on what will happen. He will leave you one day. That's a given. We all will have our turn crossing over to the other side eventually. What's great about your dad is that he is still here with you. Enjoy him. For all the times that you weren't as good as you could have been you have a chance to be the best that you can be to him now.

When the time comes and he does go, you will grieve of course. In time, when you think about him, you'll laugh at some of the funny things he said or did and remember the great times you had. In a way it will be like he never left. Know why? Because he will always be alive and well in your heart. God bless you and your dad.

Answer 6

I am going to word this very carefully because I know that this is a very serious situation for you. I can only tell you from personal experience that is extremely hard to lose someone that you really love. But especially a parent or a child. The one thing that had helped me a lot was I had a lot of really close friends that I could talk to and have them around for support. I hope that you do to because it will really help. I know that I did a lot of praying not only for the person I was sick but for my own personal strength to see things through. You know that eventually this will happen but you always hope that it won't be until they are very old and gray. That doesn't always happen and when you lose someone that means this much to you it is going to hurt for a quite a while. During this time you must just keep the good times that you had in your mind and remember them. Don't dwell on the times that you might have been a brat. I think we have all been on have said something to our parents that we really regretted later on. All I can tell you is that you are going to have to rely on your inner strength and believe that when your father dies he is going to go to a place where he never will hurt again and then he will be really happy and try to remember that he will be watching and looking out for you even after he dies. This is what helps me to get through each day of my life. Good luck with yours. I will be keeping you in my prayers even if you might not believe.

Answer 7

You need to just spend every minute with him that you can...don't worry about things you can't change, just start with today and be the best daughter ever. Make sure your daughter has a lot of time with him as well, so she will have memories! Take video and pictures like crazy and just enjoy the time you have left!

Plus, you really have no idea when he'll go! He could have another 20 years left! I knew of someone who had serious heart problems...his family got him hospice...after a few months it was obvious he wasn't going anywhere soon and last I heard he is still doing well! :)

Answer 8

.Sure sounds like you have a great Father.You are so lucky so many kids don't.I hope my children & grand children have that much love for me.Back to your question.I lost my Mother when I was only 2 years old,I always wondered how my life would have been with her.I lost my Father when I was 33.He too was my best friend.That was35 years ago.Not a day goes by that I don't miss him.He died of cancer and watching him in that pain will be on my mind for the rest of my life.I have cancer now and have had a heart attact & 2 strokesI'am truely lucky because my kids are a lot like you,they tell me everyday they love me.The thing that I think would hurt me and your Father is for me to see them cry over me.I know they do but please do as they do and hide and don't let him see tell him all the time that you love him.God bless you for being such a loving careing Child.I sure hope my Father knew how much I loved him& I miss him so.If you want to just chat e-mail me [e-mail].I will br here for you,or anyone for that matter: Jerry

Answer 9

Everyone grieves differently, Anna. When my grandmother passed away (my grandfather passed 6 years earlier) my mother, who was in her 60's at the time, remarked that she was an orphan. Even at that age, losing a parent is very difficult. Your father lost both his parents in a relatively short time. Let him grieve in his own way. Just be there for him when he needs to talk about it. The most important thing you can do is to listen. Good luck.

Answer 10

This is a very normal feeling to have. My dad was sick for years before he died and it's not easy to keep going after he left. Anyway, Yahoo Groups has a loss of father group that might help get through this. Just try to spend as much time with your father as you can. I wish you all the best during this time.