My man won't come to the table when food is ready. Do you think this is uncourtious?

Question

It doesn't matter what he is doing, he doesn't come to the table when food is ready and sometimes, I get tired of waiting and finish before he shows up. He wants me to give him an exact time stamp for serving. He isn't working, he is on his computer most of the time when I let him know dinner or breakfast is ready. He says it is rude of me to expect him to stop what he is doing and come to the table to eat. I can't give him exact times as I work different hours and wake up and get home at different times. I got so mad this morning when he would'nt come to the table when breakfast was ready that I finished my meal and gave his to the dog. I know my dog would appreciate the food I make more than my man, by the way, he does like my cooking very much, I think he is just being a jerk! Thanks

Answer 1

it sounds like he had no respect for you, and the next time you prepare a meal for him and he doesn't come to the table throw it in the garbage and continue to do so and until he gets the message or he gets hungry enough to come when you call him the first time. It sounds like he needs to be trained.

Answer 2

When you say you can't give him exact times, do you mean weeks in advance? Of course you can't, and this wouldn't help him anyway.

I can't tell from your post whether you give him adequate warning before the food is ready (not a week before, minutes before).

"I'm starting [meal] now; it'll be [amount of time]."

Then give him warnings, such as a 15 minute warning, then a 5 minute warning.

Give him enough warning that he can get to a stopping point in what he's doing.

If he can't make it to the table then, then just eat your own meal -- he's on his own to eat the food cold or get himself something to eat.

Or discuss with him what can be done.

Who makes more is irrelevant. But if you're suggesting he should do his share of the cooking, the two of you need to discuss that, too.

Answer 3

He should appreciate that you are trying to have a household and take the time to cook. He doesnt work, has it all and cant be apreciative of you? Well bottom line is that this is a symptom of taking you for granted. Stop cooking for him. Why spend the money for it? Plus what is so important in what he is doing? What you have is a guy who is playing on the computer, getting his social interaction from it, hiding, knows you will get fed up one day...... instead of paying attention to what is the most important.... you. I mean for gods sake! He could at least say "thanks honey". No he is not a man nor a mature thoughtful one..... start thinking that way as it is not your fault. Ther are plenty that would chomp on the bit to have someone like you and be appreciative.

Answer 4

You're right. He's a jerk. Now let me ask you this: why do you put up with it? You could get an apartment of your own, with the dog, and never have to deal with it again. Or, if he doesn't like having his food given to the dog, maybe he'll learn a lesson or two if you keep doing it. My husband HOVERS around the kitchen when I'm cooking. He knows he's got a short window of opportunity to get his, or the cats will.

Answer 5

HELLO yes he is a jerk this is what i would do i would tell him dinner will be ready and on the table in 10 min go wash up and get ready if he wasnt there i would serve mine i would eat then i would get up and clean the kitchen if you save leftovers put them in fridge if you dont pitch them.. when he comes in and wants to know where his is just tell him oh since you didnt come i thought you didnt want any so its either in the fridge or in the garbage either way help yourself and btw do your dishes when your done.. if y ou stick to this a few time he will start to come when you tell him to i almost garentee it because he sounds lazy to me and the last thing a lazy man wants to do is make his own plate and warm it up/...

Answer 6

Your man's behavior is jeopardising your marriage. He has to change or your marriage will go on the rocks.

I suggest you inform him when your food is ready and give him five minutes to come to the table. Let him know this. If he doesn't come on time, eat your share and keep his for him to eat alone. If he doesn't mind doing this I would say he values his time with the computer more than his time with you.

Answer 7

It sounds like he is very ungrateful and very thoughtless. My question to you is, why are you still preparing his meals and then waiting for him when he doesn't appreciate your efforts? Why are you cooking all the meals when he isn't working? Try making a meal for yourself and leaving his in the fridge for later - see how fast he comes the table after a few days of cold dinner.

Best Regards (and sympathies!)
Holly

Answer 8

Well since he says its rude of you to interupt him ,then just dont tell him when its ready.Probably after about 4 or 5 really cold meals ,he'll be the one asking when its ready and will probably be the first in line for a hot meal.

Answer 9

Been there. I announce that dinner is ready, sit down and wait..and wait..and wait. When he arrives at the table, I only then place my napkin on my lap and begin to eat. When he says, "You should have started without me," I answer, "Yes, but that would have been very rude." It finally sinks in. Somehow for me, it never works to cure rudeness with more rudeness.

Answer 10

This is a passive-agressive power struggle. He is using his not coming to the table as a way of asserting control over the situation. (This is very juvenile, btw) It's time for this boy to grow up and start acting like an adult. If he can't or won't, maybe you need to start looking for a new man.