My son lives in another city. He wants me to come visit for the holidays but he also wants my ex to visit too. I can not be in the same house with him not because we fight (we get along), its just I don't want to spend any time with him. I don't have anyone, neither does he and I feel my son wants us back together again but it won't happen. I have told both my grown son and daughter that I will not go there if he is there. Spending time in a hotel is out of the question as the nearest one is too far away. What do you think?
2006-11-19 04:17:52 · 12 answers · asked by sunshine_lady 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He is not their father but was my boyfriend while I raised them. I might add boyfriend as he never supported them.
2006-11-19 04:27:45 · update #1
Well, is your ex your son's biological father? If he is, grin and bear it. Fact is, you two are still seen as the functional unit. Now, if your son is playing match maker, you and your ex need to get together and explain to your son, as a united front, that this break up is perminent. Talk about why. That is only if he is the biological father, or the father that has predominantly guided his life.
If it is just being a boyfriend he likes, I would call your ex-boyfriend. Tell him that you don't think it is fair he attends. It isn't his family. Tell him that his existance there will hurt you and you would appreciate if he didn't show. If he resists, he is either a jerk or he really does love your son as one of his own (and the latter ain't bad). Talk to the man, figure out which one is which before the decision is made to ask him not to go by the by. I would go anyway at that point regardless of his situation because my son wants me to be there.
Life is about doing stuff we don't like. Fact is, your son sees you two as important figures in his life. Missing the holidays because you don't like someone showing up is a bit childish. Going there and making the best of it, along with having a few open conversations, is the best thing you could do.
2006-11-19 04:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by Thera 9 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sunshine, I think that what your doing is wise. Your kids will understand but, maybe not right off the bat. There really isn't a solution other than ....Do I go or stay away....? You said that spending time in a hotel was too far away, so maybe you are thinking of not sleeping in the same house instead of not even visiting? If that's the case you can rent a small travel trailer. The cost is more but the freedom is better. Then again most everyone knows someone with one of these things maybe you can borrow? Good luck girl! The only other option is to develop a bad case of the flu at this most opportune time, heh heh.
2006-11-19 04:30:31 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard question, especially not knowing all the circumstances.
Having said that, a compromise may be in order. You may have to extend yourself a little. I know that an overnight stay may not be an option, but if it were, even though you might have to drive a ways, go, spend part of the day, leave.
I know how you feel, I don't want to be in the same city with my ex and I am considering that the state may be to small.
Oh, well, sometimes sacrifice is good for our character.
2006-11-19 05:37:44 · answer #3 · answered by deepndswamps 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know a lot of people that do this because it is what makes the kids... grown or not... happy.... it's really your call on this... whether he was the father or the male presence in there lives doesn't matter now days... step parents are recognized as parents too... if your not comfortable don't go... and they can't make you get back with this guy... that shouldn't be the issue...
I would try it one time and if its gets bad leave... then next year you can tell your kids you tried it onced and you just can't do it again... what can they say when you did try... i don't know
hope this helped
2006-11-19 04:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it relatively is not ok for this habit to proceed. before everything I definitely have been with a guy with 2 sons and he have been very presently divorced while he and that i became a family members. i'm only letting you be attentive to in case you and he plan to have a destiny mutually this won't artwork. If the two one in all you marry and have toddlers of your individual could this habit of him spending christmas day along with his ex and her family members be suitable?? there is not any reason he won't be in a position to be an in touch determine and end his visits along with his ex and her family members. it is approximately his son, not persevering with relationships with every person else, if he would not be attentive to it is erroneous then i'm afraid there are deeper issues. As for the ex's scientific care of you, and your responses. you ought to consistently be civil, and don't work together her in her childishness. yet lower back, if he knows of this why is he allowing this habit to proceed? you may desire to appreciate your self, and allowing this habit, is exhibiting which you will enable your self to be walked on, and feels like he nor his ex are quite waiting to end their relationship. consult with him approximately different strategies he can spend time along with his newborn, not which incorporates the ex and her family members. stable success.
2016-10-22 08:57:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
but if your kids consider him part of the family you should take that to heart also you could choke it up and spend this one time a year with him if it means that much to your kids people are so stubborn when it comes to their own feelings but what about your kids feelings just make it clear to your kids that there is no chanse of reconciliation and have a great holiday with your family because you never know when it all be gone
2006-11-19 04:57:24 · answer #6 · answered by mmp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a copy of your question here and mail it to your son and maybe he'll start to think (which is about time).
And then spend Christmas with me!
No noise, no Santa, no nothing. Just quiet and me !
2006-11-19 04:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by ranietsd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's sad that you dislike the father of your children so much that you can't be in the same house to enjoy the holidays with your children.
2006-11-19 04:25:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do it for you kids, go there with your ex.
My Grandma and Grandpa where like you, the didn't want to be in the same house or room as each other. My Mom explained to them if they cannot do it for them selves do it for their children and grandchildren.
So do it for your children, go and just act like you care, please. It will mean the world to your kids ^_^
2006-11-19 04:30:24 · answer #9 · answered by Danny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants you to make up but you dont want.you dont have to listen to him..Just say no and explain to him that ur relation with this guy would never work again.
2006-11-19 04:21:23 · answer #10 · answered by Creative 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋