How should parents deal with a 13 yo girl being mean tn her 11 yo sister?

Question

She's being really mean, degrades her sister, is jealous and even put her money in her sister drawer to make believe the ynunger had stolen it. The truth came out and she apologized and show regret. How to handle this w/ justice, showing thd younger we are fair, but also w/ love, without destroying the 13 yo? We must have some fault in this sad episode.

Answer 1

YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE TOO HARSH WITH PUNISHMENT OR YOUR CHILD WILL NEVER CONFIDE IN YOU. ALSO, IN THIS SITUATION IT WILL MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR YEARS TO COME. How I see it is that your 13 year old is not very happy, and her behavior reflects her feelings. There could be multiple reasons for why she is not happy. For me to better answer this question, I would have to know your daughter's personality. Some kids feel neglected by their parents, because the parents work all time and pay little attention to the child, especially an older child. Except when there is a problem with the child, the parents give them more attention than usual. If this is the case then it could be possible that your daughter is yearning for attention, even negative attention...because negative attention is better than no attention. Your daughter probably wants to know that you love her so much that you would put aside 30 minutes a day just for her to spend time with her and know her better. I would suggest like talking to her and asking her how she feels about things, but back off you are becoming too demanding. I believe when the parent shows that they care, the child will act better. When you catch her doing something good praise her and tell you how proud you are. I hope you do not tell her she is bad when she misbehaves, but rather that she is a good kid who messed up. I do not think that written rules are necessary...because if you spend time with your child and talk to them and show them how much you love them, they will know from right and wrong. Most likely they will try to make good choices, because they want to to be proud of them. Remember to cherish your kids, because they grow up.

Answer 2

She needs to know that bullying is not acceptable . Is this something new she has been doing? Is the 13 yr old being bullied at school and this is her way to get back? Remain strong, have a talk with her. Sit her down, ask he questions. Ask her how she would feel if she was constantly bullied. Get some books out from the library on that. Ask her what she thinks should happen to help her be more nice to her sister. have a family meeting, where everyone can talk openly about their feelings. Let them have their say without being interrupted. Then all together try to work out a solution.

Answer 3

you are the parents, the teachers of your children. you are not there to be fair, equal, as friends, nothing but to teach them.

to not stop your 13 yr old daughter of her actions will just make her think they are ok and continue them on into adult hood. these actions as an adult can make her lose a job, lose her home let alone get put into jail.

I would throw the book at her, ground her, take her ipod, computer, whatever from her. And since she lied and money was involved.....even though money was not stolen she should have to pay the younger girl 3 times the amount that was claimed to be stolen. Bible even states that thieves should repay 3-fold. To repay it 3 times over teaches people to never steal again.

Past the punishment....I would look into why she is so angry and feels that the younger is getting more attention than her. As its clear that she feels this way since she is trying to make the younger look bad and herself look good. Normally this goes the other way.....the 11 yr old does stuff to the 13 yr old. That is normal, wishing to be the older kid. But when it goes from older to younger its normally has an issue attached to it.

talk to her, have her talk to a counselor, talk to the minister, whatever it takes to get it out of her. she might be 13 but she is still nothing but a child and needs 100% guidance.

Answer 4

This has probably been going on for a few years. A good butt thrashing would have helped back when it started.

NOW, have you set her down and ASK her why she does this? Tell her she is making a fool out of HERSELF. Perhaps you are paying TOO much attention to the 11 year old and she is jealous. You might be surprised at what she tells you.

If she is cut throat, back stabbing and viscous enough to her sister, she may need professional counseling.

But first ASK her WHY? There may be more than you know about going on. Good luck. Pops

Answer 5

A certain amount of meanness and fighting is normal ("sibling rivalry"). Both girls are too early to understand reasoning, so you MUST set limits on what you'll tolerate and what you won't...then stick to them! Many parents find this difficult, esp. if one parent "undermines" the other's rules and authority; you and your spouse need to be together in this. Just sending kids this age to their rooms may work, but not if that's where all their goodies are (TV's, stereos, computers, video games, phones). But they need consequences, to enforce the rules, so sit them down and say, "Here are the rules. If you break them, here is what will happen. If you are mean to your sister (and be specific about it), you will have your phone privileges (or something else she cares about) revoked for 3 days, or some amt. of time you think is fair. If you do it again, then you lose it for a longer time, or lose another privilege. When the inevitable hysterical fit comes, remain calm and merely say, "Sorry, but you broke the rules. Now here's the penalty." If you stick to this, your daughter will soon learn that it's probably more important to her to have her privileges than to be mean to here sister. One thing I used when taking care of my sister's 3 kids (about that age) who were ALWAYS tormenting one another), was to separate them, putting them in different rooms. The couldn't do anything but homework (which they had to do anyway!). AND, they couldn't come out 'til they apologized to their siblings. If they didn't have homework, I made them write essays on why they should NOT be mean to one another! It made them think and improved their writing skills! the upshot: when I took care of them, they behaved. When their mother came home, they went wild, since they knew she wouldn't do anything but yell!

Answer 6

Start removing privileges. Each infraction = no TV, no cute clothes. No this no that. She can cry all she wants. She can earn them back for good behavior. You parents are going to "destroy" the 13 year old if you allow her to become a lying, nasty little brat. As parents, you're responsible for raising her, which includes punishment and consequences.

Answer 7

Make consequences for this behavior, and carry them out. Take away privileges, such as phone, TV, visits with friends. Do it every time. You need to sit down with a pencil and paper, get her to agree to the consequences. Make her sign the contract.

Do the same with little sister, so she will understand this is not license to annoy.

Answer 8

you should sit down and have a talk with the 13 yo sister and let the 11 yo sister tell how she feels when she does to her.

Answer 9

its normal pay more attention to the 13 yaer old be nicer to her its sort of ypur fault for somehow being mean to her and blame everything on the 13 year old blame the the 11 year old too for some things

Answer 10

She needs to be punished and shown that there are consequences to her actions. Take away whatever she enjoys for a brief time (TV, games, phone) and if it happens again, make the punishment longer and more severe (No sleepovers, friends parties, etc). Talk to her and tell her that you love them both the same and make sure she knows that she is creating these problems for herself and she needs to take responsibility.