Seems to me that it's nicer to simply say, "Thank you for the invitation. I am sorry I will not be able to attend." and leave it at that. My husband insists on providing reasons - which sometimes means he makes something up or stretches the truth and it drives me nuts. Seems to me I don't owe anyone the details of my reasons for not attending something. I owe them only my prompt reply with a thank you. Well? What do you think?
2006-11-19 02:52:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Wanted to add - we have most of our disagreements about this when it comes to family stuff. I do not want to go to something, and so I replied immediately to his sister with a "thank you, but I'm sorry I wont be able to go"... My hubby wants to know what other plans I have that day. I said it doesn't matter. I do not want to go. He said that's not right. That if I don't really have other plans, I should go. What am I? 10?
2006-11-19 02:53:52 · update #1
I have to say that I think it's repugnant for people to "keep the peace" by lying to each other.
2006-11-19 03:06:14 · update #2
Also - marriage does not mean that you are joined at the hip. When I receive an invitation or my husband receives one, we are both invited and we are each individual adults who can choose, independent of the other, whether or not to attend.
2006-11-19 03:09:05 · update #3
My question was about whether or not it is necessary to provide a reason for declining an invitation. I had always learned that a simple, "thank you so much. I'm sorry I cannot attend" was all that was necessary.
2006-11-19 03:10:17 · update #4
YO -- THUMB TROLL -- go away!!!!
2006-11-19 03:49:50 · update #5
You don't owe them an explaination - a simple "Thankyou, but i will not be able to join you" is sufficient. It does sound like you and your husband need to discuss family issues though - good luck
2006-11-19 02:56:52 · answer #1 · answered by JannahLee 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I hope you have a decent bet riding on this because you are correct. Declining an invitation does not involve giving reasons for declining.
According to Miss Manners, Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt, the correct way to decline (verbally) is to simply say "I'm sure it will be a lovely evening, what a shame we can't be there." and to thank your prospective host/ess for thinking of you. If declining a formal invitation in writing, the correct form is (handwritten, with all the lines centered on the page)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr. & Mrs. James Thusandsuch
Regret exceedingly that they are
unable to accept the very kind invitation of
Mr. & Mrs. Michael Goodegg
For Thursday, January 12.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The last line is optional.
If the prospective host presses for a reason, it is perfectly proper to say "We're already committed for that evening" without offering the detail that you're committed to being in your robes in front of the TV for CSI and ER.
There is one time that you must offer a reason, and that is when you have accepted an invitation and find that you must bow out... the more formal the event, or the closer it is, the better your reason has to be... example, if it's a cocktail party 3 weeks away, it's enough to say "I am so sorry! I just found out that Joe will be out of town that weekend" or "My cousin is coming for a visit" but for a seated dinner the next night, the only decent excuses are illness, childbirth or death, preferably ones own.
2006-11-19 11:16:40 · answer #2 · answered by UppityBroad68 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I totally agree with you. You don't have to provide reasons or justify your descision when accepting or declining an invitation.
Does your husband say "oh, sure i'd love to come for dinner!! I was suppossed to go to charlie's for dinner but i owe him twenty dollars so i'm avoiding him... this gives me an out, thank-you"?
A simple yes or no and a thank-you either way is the appropriate response to an invite.
2006-11-19 11:00:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
"I'm sorry, but I've made other plans for that day" is all you need to say besides thanking them for the invite. Is it possible that you are turning down too many of these invitations and that your husband is getting nervous because his family thinks you don't want to spend any time with them? That could be why he wants you to make something up. Many times, the "other plans" easily could include that person; that you never say "why don't you come with me instead?" could be a point of tension. Truly, all though you don't OWE them one, what does it hurt to provide them with one as long as it is not something that is going to get you caught in some major lie down the road if it make him feel more comfortable? Even telling them that you had planned to spend some time at home getting caught up on some big task may be better than nothing if it keeps the peace.
2006-11-19 11:00:12 · answer #4 · answered by Realty Shark 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I think you are right... prompt reply back with a thank you.
However, I use to be exactley like your hubby with all of the explaining and stretching of the truth. I guess he doesn't like hurting folks feelings. He would like people to think that he really really truly care and so he come's up with an excuse that is 911 important so no one judges him or is hurt for him not showing up.
2006-11-19 13:34:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
no, an explanation is not necessary...it's amazing how many people will invite you somewhere and then when you say you can't attend, they press you for a reason...it is incredibly rude...and frankly i don't care to be bullied into going somewhere......you are 100% right on this issue, and your husband is WRONG
2006-11-19 11:56:41 · answer #6 · answered by SNAP! 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are not required to provide a reason.
However I suggest you do so if you wish an invitation in the future.
For some formal functions failure to attend no matter the reason means being stricken from the guest list in future
2006-11-19 10:57:26 · answer #7 · answered by Sid B 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋
It seems you've already made up your mind, but for posterity's sake...
...the answer is no, it's not REQUIRED to provide a reason,
But if it's FAMILY (and if you're married, according to the "perfect union" you agreed to, his family is your family) you ought to think about stepping a bit beyond what is required.
There's your answer.
2006-11-19 10:57:08 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm not offended when people don't provide reasons, myself, but if it bothers your husband so much maybe you should just to keep the peace. I seriously doubt he's trying to be patronizing. I suggest you do it just to make him quit bugging you about it.
2006-11-19 10:56:19 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You are right. You owe them no explanations.
2006-11-19 12:03:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋