they cant spell my name they say its hard for them...they dont even try. when they invite us they only write my husband´s name and my first name only....no surname.
(they are spanish and im african...honestly they too have tough names by i know all their names)
2006-11-19 01:18:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
in spain married women dont take their husbands names.
and i have written my name many times.. when we invited them to our wedding therewas my name so i think there is no reason for them not to know my surname.
2006-11-19 01:34:01 · update #1
i read your last question about the job.
u may not like what i am going to say but here goes.
u know this could be a racial issue. maybe they wanted their son to marry a spanish woman. many ethnic backgrounds want their families to marry within the culture. i am around many ethnic people so i know this to be true. chinese like to be with chinese, i know a woman who gave up her daughter because she was 1/2 black. spanish like to be with spanish.
i am not saying they are racist.
i find that its insulting that they don't know your last name. when u r close with someone they ussually want to know your name. i went to my husbands brother's baby shower. it was never important to me to get to know his brothers girlfriend and i didn't even know her name (its a hard name) and neither did my husband. well at the party i cassually asked my in law how to spell her name and he told me. now i can't forget her name.
2006-11-20 07:48:12 · answer #1 · answered by Miki 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If they really respect you as a person, they will make the effort to refer to you by whichever name you would like them to. However, maybe they honestly think they are being respectful to you as a married woman by not using your surname. I knew a woman who kept her born name when she got married. Her in-laws, meanwhile, perceived this as not truly wanting to be a member of their family. So they insisted on calling her by her husband's last name, and also because they felt it more proper. (It did cause a lot of friction between her and her in-laws.) You hence may have to explain things to your husband's family as to why you feel the way you do, and tell them you actually feel more respected this way. Hope ths helps.
2006-11-19 10:00:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to disagree with most of the other answers here -- I don't have the feeling that your in-laws are being mean or anything. I don't think they mean any harm or disrespect.
I think they probably just have a hard time spelling your name.
You said that you, yourself, find their family names to be pretty tough. It's good that you can manage them. But maybe they just can't.
Another possibility: maybe they don't agree with your choice to keep your family name instead of taking your husband's. Maybe this is their way of expressing that.
But as long as your relationship with them is good, I wouldn't worry about this. If you have a good relationship with them, it's not worth ruining it by making an issue of this name thing.
.
2006-11-19 09:51:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps they are just lazy. My mother-in-law never really learnt how to spell my daughters' names. I always found this slothful and extremely inconsiderate on her part. But then again I never really liked her anyway!
Anyway, believe me, it is not that difficult to make a note of someone's name.
According to Dale Carnegie author of 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', remembering a person's name is paramount to having them like you. It is by which someone is known, for gosh sakes. They might as well call you 'Hey You!' for all they care.
Talk to your husband about it, he really should be urging them to get your name right by now.
2006-11-19 09:43:44 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa M 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They are very inconsiderate people and sounds like they are uneducated, uncaring and thoughtless about others..Maybe you should ignore them or your alternative would be to have a nick name that is easier to spell or translate your name to spanish and write it down, give it to them and maybe even phonetically write it in layman's terms for their limited knowledge base..Sorry to hear things like this, I am sure you are troubled by their insensitive attitude..Good Luck to you.
2006-11-19 09:44:18 · answer #5 · answered by flashrtp 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, it seems that you didnt take your husbands surname which is fine, just maybe you could have them write his first name then your first name and then his last name. Or make sure you write down your surname for them.
2006-11-19 09:30:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
My own sister and brother in law, never address us by our names. They just go hey, or hello. This is so rude or low class of them. Some people just don't have manners. I call my sister and brother in laws by their respective names always. It was the way I was taught to address people.
2006-11-20 15:51:59 · answer #7 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they are embarressed in case they get it wrong. My Latin American husband still calls my dad MISTER ..... B/C he was not literate when we met and even though he can now read and is learning to write he feels that stigma to this day.
2006-11-19 09:26:38 · answer #8 · answered by AILSA N 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think it shows a lack of respect towards you. Even if they can't pronounce your surname they could copy it.
2006-11-20 08:05:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I take it you didn't take your husband's surname when you married? I don't think it's at all unreasonable for you to want them to include your name. Keep nudging them and encourage your husband to nudge them too. Hopefully they'll come around eventually.
2006-11-19 09:26:07 · answer #10 · answered by Rob B 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋