Open adoption v closed adoption?

Question

I have a son who was adopted by a very loving family and we chose open adoption. This has worked out really well and when the child is old enough they will tell him all about me and the adoption. They adopted before and the situation has worked out really well with the other adoption. Someone I have been seeing told me lastnight that I should stop all contact with them because it will mess the child up mentally. I'm just wondering what do others think about open v closed adoption ?

Answer 1

It is not going to confuse or "mess up" the child if it is explained properly to them, and if it is explained to them at a time when they understand the concept of adoption.

I'm not really sure what kind of contact you are having, but something along the lines of receiving letters and photos and maybe even being a family friend and getting invited to birthday parties and such would be typical.

I think open adoption is a good opportunity for a birth mother, because many find the prospect of just letting their child out into the world and never hearing from him/her ever again to be daunting, so they'll just crack and end up keeping the baby against the best interest of themselves and the child. It's good that an alternative is offered.

Answer 2

As an adopted child of closed adoption, I support open adoption for one very basic yet important reason - family medical history. If I want to find out my biological family's medical record, I have to pay a lot of money to someone to find my records and give them to me. In an open adoption, that information is more available and there should be fewer unknowns.
As for messing the child up, I think if everything is handled well with all the parties involved, the child will be okay. It sounds like the family knows what they are doing and it will work out. The outcome of the situation should be that the child knows he is loved - and the more love the better in this crazy world.

Answer 3

depends on what both you and the adoptive mother are seeking. if you want monthly or weekly visits and that wasn't what she had in mind then it's probably best you remove yourself from the situation. If you both agree that you were there to give him life and she is there to give him something else ( i didn't know how to word that w/o hurting anyone) then it may be ok as long as he is old enough to understand. what defines "old enough" and "understand" though is a huge thing to consider.
I personally could never see a child that I had given up without always having "what if's" and regrets. If you think you can get past that, then more power to you.
Best of Luck--I admire you for doing what most woman can not.
(not aborting and giving a gift to someone who couldn't do it themselves or whatever the adoptiver couples circumstances were)

Answer 4

open