What to do with a disabled mother?

Question

I'm 24, living in Texas, and have taken care of my mom since she became disabled in Jan. 1998, when I was 15. My mom is now 60. Since I was 18, I've been the sole provider of income for us. She just recently got assistance from Social Security, but it's not enough for her to live on her own. I have come to the point where I can no longer take care of her; our relationship has fallen apart, and I'm to where I can't stand her living with me anymore. I have a horribly dysfunctional family that has refused from the beginning to help, and no one else will help her. I've had pretty much no life for almost 9 years. I don't know what to do; I can't just kick her out, but if I don't do something soon, I'm gonna do berserk. Financially, taking care of my mom's killing me. I've actually felt like killing myself sometimes, just so the pain and frustration will go away. Maybe I'm just weak, or a terrible human being, but I can't take this anymore.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Answer 1

You are a good son,don't ever think you are a terrible person.I am a disabled mom,my son lives with me and helps me also.Is your mom able to do anything for herself?If so,perhaps you have a senior apartment complex in your area she could go to.Disabled people are also eligible for this even if they aren't yet a senior.They pay 1/3 of their income for rent and utilities,not a bad deal.We have a senior complex in my area of Pa,that is where I will be living once my son wants to move out.You get your own apartment,can have a car,just like living anywhere else.Or,if she needs some help,a assisted care facility might be the answer or even a nursing home if she needs alot of help.Although I'm sure you don't want to think of these options for your mom,you have to think about yourself too.I am still able to get around,and my son helps me a great deal,especially financially.But,as a mother,I would never want to be burden to him,after all,he does have his own life.I hope your mom isn't making you feel guilty and making you think it is your responsibility,because it really isn't.There are options out there.My best advice would be to talk to the agency in your area that deals with aging.They should be listed in the blue pages or government pages in the phone book.Good luck to you.

Answer 2

No you are not a horrible person and no you can not kick her out. What you can do it either ask and get more assistence from the state. Since you are financially responsible for her you should be able to get some at home help like a nurse a house keeper and/or such.

Or you could and do not feel bad about it, put her in a nursing home or an adult assited living home. The state will help pay for the cost along with her ssi.

I would do something as soon as possible before you really go berserk.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Check with Medicare for the help they have available...you may be able to get someone to come in part time to help you take care of her and Medicare will pay for it. At least this would give you a break and you'd have some time to yourself. You should be proud of what you've done for your Mom...you will never regret it later when she's no longer here. Also, you may check into an assisted care facility and Medicare may help pay for that. Make some calls and see what kind of help is available to you. You definitely deserve a break. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I am 36 yo now but have lived with elderly and disabled people it seems like all my life. If it is getting as bad as it sounds like maybe you should try placing her in a nursing home. I know it will feel like you are deserting her but you really aren't. It could turn out to be a good thing for the both of you. She could get the care she needs,and you wouldn't feel like it is such a burden on you all the time. If you think about it you could really be doing her a dis-service to the both of you by not placing her. And who knows your relationship with your mother could even get better with time and distance. I hope this helped. good luck and god bless

Answer 5

I know how you feel. It is a hard decision to make, but when my mother needed more care than I could provide I placed her in a nursing home. It was not a decision that my family agreed with but they were not the ones who dealt with it day to day. After some time had passed they came to see it was best for her and me. Check with social services and see what is available in your area. Good Luck!

Answer 6

You may want to look into nursing or long term care homes. You may feel like you're abandoning her but you're really not... so long as you try to rebuild a relationship with her.

You have to remember that if you're not healthy for yourself (mentally and physically) then you're not healthy enough to care for anyone else. It's quite a burden to care for someone full time, especially at your age when you should be experiencing life for yourself. It's not selfish to want to live your life.

Maybe you can talk with some different state services to see what options may be available to you and your mother. Try doing an internet search for elderly care/resources for your area to see what comes up. Also, talk with your SS office to see if they can refer you to any resources there.

Good luck!

Answer 7

You can send her to a nursing home and then feel guilty bout it. I know that idun go thru wat u r doing but come on man, she's ur mom.

She doesnt complain or write for ideas in yahoo answer when we were just a baby where u cry almost every nite and she got to wake up having irregular sleeping hour. She never complain about you wetting ur diapers and she got to change every now and then. She never complain about having to wipe your *** everytime u soil your diapers. She never complain about having to cook for u every day and feed u when were still a baby. Never complain about having to bath u. And never complain about the pain she have to go thru giving birth to you.

Instead of asking what can u do about ur disabled mom, you should ask about how to get help from your govt so that u can help support your mom and family. And about your physiological breakdown, so talk to someone about it. Maybe your local religious head, or teachers or any volunteers.

Answer 8

Rusty, You have been caring a burden for a long time! You obliviously love your mother very much, even though your relationship seems to be falling part. Caring for anyone from such an early age, with out the added stress of a disability would be difficult enough for anyone. You were not designed to carry this kind of weight alone and your life and the life of your mother has incredible value! You have shown incredible strength and I would not doubt that you have developed a deep kind of sacrifical love that most in this life never understand. Your experince in this will benift others a great deal who are struggling with these same kinds of issues, but first you need to get help. Sharing this kind of struggle shows your honesty and courage, as does the long duration you have been loving and caring for your mother under these extreamly difficult circumstances. I want to encourage you to pray. You are at the point of need that apart from the love of God you will fall deeper into dispair. Yet the love of God is there for you and your Mom! You know, we all try to get answers apart from God, but His love is eternal and He knows and understands it all! Put your trust in Him! Find a Bible and pray and begin to read and seek God. Ask Him to show you who He is. In the book of Psalms the writers often called out to God describing their pain and doubts. Do not be ashamed of that. Lay it all before God. God also uses people to bring us the answers we need. He will touch you personally in your heart, and He also wants to bring you into fellowship with believers who will pray with you and help you. Pray for Him to bring you into the place of His will for the help you need. Don't give up Rusty! You have come too far and God has an amazing plan for your life and for your Mom! Begin to pray for your mother and your family. Ask God for her healing and to provide all she needs. Rusty, I trust the Lord is going to move in a powerful way in your life and your family show His faithfuness to you. When we come to the place of hoplessness it's then that the Hope we have in Him is most needed and valued. His love for you is unfailing! Know you are loved and valued by God! I'll be trusting that God will give you the loving wisdom you need and provide the best for you and your Mom, giving you practical guidance that will be just what each of you needs, as well as building your faith that will be an encourament and impact so many others!

Answer 9

you know we should take care of our parentsno matter how hard for us to do it because without them we are not here on earth to see the beutiful things around us. why not just take it lightly live a very simple life so you can support your mother...you will be looking for her if shes gone... i can understand your situation, continue helping her the least you can give to her...love her and give all the support you can give. ill be praying for you and your mother.GOD BLESS!

Answer 10

Rusty, please know that lots of us here respect you for the sacrifices you are making .Your frustrations are understood. You are you mom's best child. Friends have given some very good advice above. Please heed. NO YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON - YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON. Keep it up, and God bless.