Pleasant way to indicate that husband isn't well...?

Question

We always hold Thanksgiving at our house. We even send out invitations a month ahead so everyone can make arrangements. Unexpectedly, my husband has fallen ill and has been to the ER five times in the past week. He is okay now, but he is slowly recovering and will still be recovering on Thanksgiving. We cannot move the dinner to someone else's house--that is not an option. We also cannot go anywhere else as he isn't well enough to want to go anywhere but home.

He can still eat and socialize, but he will be tired after about 4 hours (went to work today for the first time since falling ill and had to go home at lunch). What is a polite way, considering the circumstances, to tell our family members that they are welcome for dinner and a few hours after, but not all night (last year some stayed until 3 a.m.). Please note that I'd never kick guests out any other time...but this is an unusual circumstance.

By the way, there are almost 20 people invited, so obviously it is a houseful. We live in a little ranch house, so it wouldn't be like he could go sleep with all those people there.

I understand why people are saying "cancel" but it is my husband who wants to see everyone since he's had no social contact since this started. It isn't like I am bound and determined to have the dinner no matter what--he wants it.

For the person who asked why he went to the ER five times in a week and called it "excessive"...he was instructed to come back each time if his symptoms worsened. Remember we are also in the middle of flu season, so drs offices are backed up...the earliest he could get in with a family doctor (he just started new insurance and to get a new PCP) was this past Friday.

Answer 1

tell them you will be going to bed early

Answer 2

Yes, call people and tell them that you will still be having Thanksgiving, but you will have to cut it short, due to his illness.and be sure and mention that your husband wants to see everyone, that is why you are still having it.
Try and make things easy on yourself, too, you have had a bit of stress. Is there a catering service, or a grocery nearby that could help with dinner? Order as much as you can through them, and buy some things at the grocery, instead of homemade. A carrot cake from the bakery, cranberries out of a can, you get the picture.
And ask for help! If some of the guests live nearby, ask them if they could bake a cake or a pie, or bring a salad, or a side dish.
Happy Thanksgiving, and I hope husband feels better soon.

Answer 3

Why do people put themselves in situations that they can't get out of? Go ahead and cancel the Thanksgiving dinner for goodness sakes. Your husband is sick, he needs the quiet, not a time for everyone to socialize with him.

By not cancelling, people won't understand how serious he is feeling.

Be polite and upfront and let people know that he is not well, for a whole dinner and if they still want to come and visit they would be welcome for a short time.

It really is ok to change plans. Give yourself and your sweet husband a break this time. You have both been through a lot.

Answer 4

I would definitely be up front with people - and tell them what is going on.

You could sent a quick note or e-mail or phone call and explain the situation prior to Thanksgiving. Tell them that your husband's strength is such that about 4 hours of socializing is about all he can stand - and you don't want to push him further. Tell them you still want to see everyone, but you will need to limit the time from say Noon to 4:00 p.m. - that way everyone knows going into Thanksgiving that they will need to go home at 4:00.

Then on the day - about 30 minutes before you are wanting everyone to go home - make an announcement - lets all have some dessert and coffee before you all have to get on the road. Make it real cheery - and that will reinforce the idea that you expect them to hit the road.

Your main responsibility is to help your husband recover, so don't feel guilty about telling them it's time to go.

Answer 5

You have told all of us in a kind thoughtful way... Why not call all the invited guests and say basically what you have said to us.... take extra care to tell them they ARE VERY MUCH WANTED but this year things are going to wrapping up a little early cause " frank" gets a little tired after 4 hours. I am sure they are all lovely understanding people. Good luck and best wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving

Answer 6

I'd just come right out and tell them what you've just said here! Call them, especially the ones who've stayed forever before, and tell them flat: 'come to dinner if you like, but be aware that "Joe" has got to rest after about 3 p.m. (or whatever time) and that means an empty quiet house, so the party ends then.'

If that doesn't work, try, well, folks, it's been nice, but it's time to shut it down NOW. (about half an hour before you need it to be over!) Some people don't understand nice. People who might hang around to 3 a.m. for Thanksgiving dinner may just be among those folks!

Answer 7

i personally would not feel comfortable having a thanksgiving dinner at a home where some-one was that ill.....i would be too worried about imposing and too worried about the person not getting enough rest because of the party...i just wouldn't have a good time.....but that's me.....i don't think you should be having the dinner at your house...you should just have a quiet time with you and your hubby...everyone will understand....however, if you insist on putting you and your husband through it-then maybe you can let invitees know that festivities will be from 2-6 (or whatever time frame is appropriate)...
i would also not serve alcoholic beverages as this tends to keep people hangin around much longer

Answer 8

I suppose a pleasant way to say it would be to explain the situation (him being in ER 5 times in the past week, still recovering, and needing to rest) and the, after the general "ahh"s and "ohh"s (""oh you poor thing) say that this is why, ("I don't mean to be impolite, hope you can understand, ...") they'd have to leave earlier so that he could go to sleep, as, again, he is still quite unwell and so on ... if you say it in a polite enough manner, they should understand ....

I wish you a wonderful (and short enough) Thanksgiving dinner!

Answer 9

Just be honest with them when they arrive. I don't know how many people you have coming, last year my Thanksgiving Day dinner had 80 people, but you might want to try to give a quick call ahead of time. Friends and family should understand just let them know what's going on and all should be well

Answer 10

Why the hell was he in the ER five times? Excessive much? Family doctor closed for a week? I don't understand.

And I say go ahead and have the dinner. You said he'd tire out after about 4 hours. He can sit on the couch with all the activities going on around him. He'd still be involved. When you both get tired, just tell everyone politely.

Answer 11

Sorry to hear your hubby is feeling *under the weather*. I think it would be socially acceptable to send the invitations out and put a time on it. Place the exact hours on the card......such as: Dinner 4-7pm. As a note on the bottom, just add that due to circumstances beyond your control, you have to put a time limit on the dinner. Your guests will be more understanding that you may think. ....And please, have a lovely Thanksgiving Dinner.