Help!!! What should I think about this? How do I handle this???

Question

OK I have gone veggie about two months ago... it will be a forever thing, and I am doing it for health reasons. I am just ready to be healthy! Now my husband has just informed me that he can not stay married to a vegetarian. He said I was not one when we met, and he won't deal with that. I don't want a divorce, but I am not going to just start eating meat again to keep him happy. It shouldn't matter to him how I eat. I don't push anyone else to eat how I do, I make my own veggie meals along side their meat meals... Help! How should I handle this??

I try talking to him about it, but he just says he is not talking about this... I dont know what to do... He wont talk.

Answer 1

If he really loves you I am sure that you can talk about this and make some kind of compromise! At the end of the day no one else should be banning you from being a vegetarian no matter how much you love them.

It sounds like you are being a grownup about this and are fantastic to cook separate meals. I can't see his problem. maybe some kind of light marriage counselling via your Church/Synagogue/etc . may be the way to do this.

You sound like an exceptional young woman who will do anything to keep her family together. I hope everything works for you honey.

Good luck and keep us posted, we are all on your side here! x

Answer 2

If your husband loves you, he will stay married to you. Try telling him not to worry. He is probably scared you won't be healthy as a vegetarian or that it will cost a lot of money. Try to find out what it is he doesn't like about vegetarians and do some research to make him feel better. No one wants to gets a divorce if you're still in love and he probably doesn't want to get divorced either. Try talking to him again but don't go into that conversation thinking that he is just inconsiderate and wrong because he is probably just worried about you. Good luck with this
P.S.- He may also think that if you're a vegetarian he won't get to eat meat. Don't force him into new eating habits if he just barely accepted yours.

Answer 3

Something else is going on here. I think he feels like he has lost some control in the relationship and is try to get it back. This probably has NOTHING to do with food and more of the marital dynamics. I'm not a veggie, I eat a little bit of meat. My hubby doesn't eat any veggies EVER. That bothers me for health reasons but it doesn't affect our marriage. Maybe he feels pressured by you to "convert". Sometimes when we start something new in our lives, we are so excited about it that we get pushy or preachy without meaning too. I would keep doing what your are doing food wise. Do this for YOU, you don't have to bring anyone with you to the other side notice I didn't say dark side lol :) Good luck

Answer 4

I'm sorry... but if you're still making meat meals for the rest of the family, WHAT is his complaint?? I hate to say it, but it sounds like an excuse to me. If your diet is not changing HIS food options, WHY can he "not stay married to a vegetarian". That's just dumb. Now, if you were making only meatless meals and saying "you want meat, YOU cook it"... I could understand more (although that's what I did! LOL). But from what you've said, I think it sounds like he's wanted out of the marriage anyway, and is just using this as an excuse. Either that, or he's a control freak and he cant stand you making such a decision for yourself. Either way... I'd stand your ground. If he can't handle your diet choice (even when it doesn't affect him), he clearly has issues.

Answer 5

Your husband is being very selfish, you should tell him you are doing this for your well being and that it's not like you make him eat vegetables. Tell him that people change and that you are changing so you'll be healthier and will be able to be with him longer. I have no idea why he'd divorce you! If you have children tell how it would affect them. I am a child of divorced parents and I had a very hard time accepting it. I can still remember crying at night and wanting to be all alone because of it. Now I'm torn between who I want to live with, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Tell your husband he needs to think about your children (if you have any). You should handle this how you feel. He sounds kind of controlling. Ask yourself, really think about it, do I want to live like this for the rest of my life? Can I handle someone not letting me do stuff to make me healthier just because he doesn't like it? This in no way hurts him, he's just being controlling and he's probably expecting you to give in and eat meat again. I'm glad you are a vegetarian! You are saving so many animals. Poor innocent animals who suffer everyday and are then killed. What a horrible life to live (the animals I mean). Well good luck with this!

Answer 6

I know people can be very cruel when it comes to someone not eating meat. They're just not used to it, its something different they don't understand. He might be a little bit scared that you have changed your eating habits. Remind him (calmly) that you are doing this for your health and this is your decision and yours alone. As long as you're not forcing your opinion onto him (and don't act disgusted when he eats meat) and he can continue with his regular diet, there should be no problem.
I don't know if you have any other problems in your marrage, but if he still cannot accept your new diet he doesn't deserve you. Trust me when I say that not many vegetarians are willing to cook meat for someone else.

Answer 7

I concur with the notions that (1) you are married to a lunatic, and (2) it sounds like there's more going on.

That said, it doesn't quite answer your question.

So: don't mention it to him again. And be subtle about it for a bit. If the family has steak, potatoes, green beans, and toast for dinner, you should have potatoes, green beans, and toast.

If he can still kick up a fuss over your meal having a minor variation from his, let him leave.

But, it seems unlikely that he will. Can you imagine how bizarre that would be for him to explain to anybody else (the lawyer, for one, never mind the kids)? Which is why I suspect it might work to just ignore it for a spell. Bring it up after things settle down, sure, but for now? Just pretend to have politely ignored his foolishness.

Answer 8

I'm no social worker so take this for what it's worth, but if you being a Vegetarian is worth getting a divorce over then there must be other things that he is unhappy with as well. Either that or he's absolutely nuts. I'm so sorry to hear something like this and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like maybe you really should want a divorce. Seriously who would stay married to a control freak like that?

Anyhow, he might just be one of those people who can't deal with little changes that inconvenience him, and so he's threatening divorce to try and dissuade you from your choice. Kind of manipulative, and in the most blatant way. He'd probably have a heart attack if you called his bluff and sent him packing, though.

Answer 10

Your husband sounds very controlling. If he truly loved you it wouldnt matter to him what you ate. He sounds like a spoilt child who feels he's losing control of you. I would think seriously about your marriage, not because of the diet thing but because of the issues this has brought up. Do you really want to be with someone who won't let you be yourself and let you do what feels right to you? This sounds like control, not love. I think you should go to counselling if he won't communicate with you. If he won't go with you, go alone, as it will help you talk through the issue with a counsellor and see the picture for what it truly is. Good luck.