Why do military wifes get criticized so badly?

Question

My husband is in the military and we live on base with our 2 children. I was at a store about 10 miles off base and overheard a group of people talking bad about the military wifes. One said they are all fat, lazy, dirty, money hungry, *****. Many other things were said, and then I said something. I was upset because I am only 105 lbs. and am very active and keep a perfect house. Why are they so harsh, and what gave us such a bad name?

over druged - Which is probabley exactly what you are or maybe you should be on meds. Not everyone sleeps around. I support my husband and believe that should be the last thing he has to worry about. You should keep your answers to yourself.

Answer 1

I think the main reason we're criticized is because people just don't understand the lifestyle. You have to admit that military life is nothing like civilian life. It's easy for them to judge, especially if they've never done it. Most of them couldn't handle it if they were in the military. Many of them are often jealous. It takes a special person to be a military wife. As the saying goes...."Toughest job in the military, the military wife"!! It's true too.

Some of the comments here amaze me though. Not all military wives cheat. In fact, the percentage is less than the civilian world. The only difference is, the military community is smaller. It's a haven for gossip. I've also known many women in our career that are unhappy and want everyone to be just as unhappy as they are. They tend to start stuff that isn't really going on. I'll also tell you that today's younger military wives are much of the problem. Not long ago, there was a question posted here asking something like are all military wives stuck-up. Many young ones posted that yes, the older ones were. Then, they went on to say that the old ones were fat and just sat around taking care of their kids all day instead of going out. That is OTHER military wives insulting other military wives. It's sickening. Yes, the older ones that've been around like to take care of their kids. Most of us had our fun. We were young once too. Doesn't mean we don't care. Back when we joined, the younger ones came to the older ones for advice. Now, they think they know it all and that attitude proves it. As for saying we can't think for ourselves, that's very wrong. I'm as independent and opinionated as they come. My hubby finds this out often. He's been told to control me in the past. He simply told them, I dare you to try. As for not working, I've only worked a short time. However, I've always volunteered. For those of you who don't think that's work, you're very wrong. You put in alot of hours for no pay and very little thanks. Your payoff is knowing you did something good or helped someone. Since I've had our daughter, I've cut the volunteering down and stayed home to raise her. I do it because I can. Military life is unstable enough without a daycare raising her just for some extra money. At least she knows when Daddy is gone, that Momma will be there for her. There's nothing wrong with giving a child stability and love.

We've been in 18 years. Many things have changed. It's still a good life, even during the rough times. I have nothing but pride in being an Army wife. It's an honor to be married to my soldier. I'll always stand by him.

Don't listen to the bad. Just know you're doing what most of them can't do. Stand tall and always let them know you have honor. Good for you for staying home and raising those 2 kids. That's a job in itself.

Answer 2

While it is unfortunate that it occurred, I agree in part with what "treepeople" said.

Many spouses have flings and/or affairs while the other is away. Some go as far as to leave their spouse while they are away or simply wait for them to be sent to finalize everything with so that they are not around to do anything about it. This is not exclusive to one gender- men can be as bad as the women- it just happens less frequently because there are more female spouses of men serving in the service than women serving having male spouses.

Also, there may be tendency that the spouse is either unemployed or cannot seem to keep a steady employment. Again, this is not true of everyone or even most- just the ones that get talked about.

Some are indeed lazy. Military housing, in some areas, look run down and poor because nobody is taking care of it. Some spouses just sit at home and tend the children because they feel they are being taken care of. While this may not be the case for most spouses, the most memorable usually are.

What "treepeople" said about the support of the war isnt necessarily true. He may feeling guilt by association is appropriate and some would agree which wouldnt be fair, but people venting often dont take into account what's fair, do they?

Answer 3

As a proud Army wife of 9 years, I can say that a few spoil apples do in fact ruin the bunch. Or at least the reputation of the bunch. As the wife of a Sgt, all of the squad's problems fell on my ears.

There were wives who cheated with several men and others who married because the man was military and a paycheck she could count on (only to realize they really don't get paid much for the hours they put in!).

On average, there are a lot of military wives that don't work... either because of a slow market near their base or the fact that they can't afford to work and pay daycare (depending on their husband's rank.)

I have had heart to hearts meetings with many military wives to tell them that they are not only hurting their spouse, they are hurting their families and themselves by such foolish behaviors.

It was not right for the town's people to discuss military wives in such general terms. However, there are some out there that make us look bad. I, like you, are none of the things the town's people discribed.

We (military wives) need to look out for each other. Because we are usually dumped into a crappy location (Ft Riley KS.... HA!), we feel isolated and alone. I made it a point to connect with incoming spouses to offer advise and help.

I have said it from the beginning... being the wife of a soldier is not only a priviledge and a honor, it's a tough job. Not everyone is cut out for it. These women didn't get fat, lazy, dirty, etc when their man joined the military... most where that way when he joined.

Just breathe deep and contuine to do what you do in order to support your husband and his unit! Best wishes!

125th FORWARD!! HOORAH!!

Answer 4

Probably because they are living off the Government, and they (the busy bodies), view them as Welfare Recipients because they get Government Subsidies...

They aren't respectful that your husbands are doing a great job for our Country! No, they are secluded in thier own little communities safe and sound, not worrying if thier husbands will be coming home from some Foreign Country where he is in harms way...

They dont understand that most people who live in those houses would probably qualify for foodstamps!! Our fine people in the service of our Country are NOT paid enough, to do the job that they do, and dedicate the time that they give, and are so underpaid that Welfare recipients actually bring in more than they do!

They dont know that you must keep a clean house hold, and are inspected every so often to make sure that the housing projects they stick you in, (which are build sometimes out of matchsticks, or so that it seems, paper thin walls and a very low standard of living), are expected to be kept up to Military standard and that you have to patch all holes in the wall, and leave it in the same shape that you moved in..(which, in the "real World", most renters leave the place a slob and the owners have to have it cleaned up after they are gone!).

I have seen some people who I though were a big piggish in my time in the Service, and they definetely give the other wives and family a bad name, but you cant do a thing about those, the Government will take care of them and have them eventually clean up their act.

I applaud your husband and and indebted to him and you for supporting and being there for him, and appluad you for your efforts at keeping the home fires burning for your man when he returns...

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 5

Who cares what they say? I am a military wife (also weigh 105!), keep a nice home, and have my own business. I am more successful than any of the military wife bashers.

I had a good friend who was an MP on a marine base, and she dealt with a lot of horrid military wives who fit your description. But the women I have come to know have mostly been very kind and welcoming to me.

Answer 6

I am a military wife and served my self. I support my husband and I have his back till the end, however, I can not in good conscious support the war. I believe that American troops were sent in to Iraq under false pretenses and the American public was uninformed of the true intentions and the government. Call me selfish but I don't want my husband to be killed over oil wars, which is the real reason our young men and women are dying over there not for the "War on terrorism" and not for weapons of mass destruction because in the 4 years our troops have been over there there has been no sign of weapons of mass destruction. So call me a bad wife if you want but my loyalty has and always will lye with my husband and his safety and well being.

Answer 7

i think that certain wives have given all the other wives bad names...wives are known for cheating on their husbands while they are deployed for a long time...or they sit at home, have lots of babies, dont get a job, and just such their husbands pay checks from them....

i have been a military wife for 6 years and never heard someone talk like that about us...but i have seen first hand how the wives act and how we do get a bad name for ourselves...

you know what, those people that talk about us in that way dont know what its like being a military wife and i bet they have never been one...we deal with a lot...my husband is gone most of the year, so technically i am a single mom to my 4 year old..i have to be the mom and dad...i have to make decisions about my son without my husband because he is gone...we move constantly and some think its so cool because we get to live different places, but you know what, I am tired of moving...but i support my husband and his job...i will follow him anywhere i need to.

if i ever heard someone talk like that when i was near them, i would just tell them that NOT EVERY military wife is like that...or tell them to shut the hell up and piss off...sorry...

Answer 8

The few "bad" military wives mess it up for the rest. But in my short Army career, 6 years on 3 bases, I find that most of the "locals" don't like Military families in general. The spouses come and "steal" jobs from the locals. Their kids are more well rounded, better educated and get better grades and more recognition and are from a family where at least one person is physically fit, so the kids end up being better in sports. They see Army wives as having stuff given to them because they are pretty stupid in the ways of the military. Its mostly petty jealousy, pure and simple.

Answer 9

I believe that the lazy comment usually comes from the fact that very few mil wives ever work or even go to school. Im not saying that you dont but for the most part they make all kinds of excuses so they dont have to work and live off their husbands and then when they are away they cheat on them...the ultimate kick in the pants when a man is supporting you. Its probably very few women that actually do this but you know how bad stereotypes are. My sis in law has lived off my brother (USCG warrant officer) and with all the advantages out there she hasnt even bothered to go to school for even for an A.S? She doesnt work, her house is immaculate but she seems to have no personal drive, which is sad. oh yeah and she is overweight and has never stepped foot in a gym.

Answer 10

Don't pay them any mind. Military wives aren't any different than any other. Some are good, some are bad. I know a lot of the areas around to the bases that I served at weren't exactly hospitable to anyone not "local."