About three years ago my mom had an extra-marital affair. She cheated on my dad with my sister's friend's dad. My brothers and sisters are now living with her. I moved with my dad the very same day I turned 18. Now, three years later I sometimes want to visit my mom and my siblings but my dad totally refuses. He won't let me go visit her. He tells me that if I have no shame in what she did. I realize that what she did was wrong but after all she is still my mother and she raised me to be good. I feel bad about my dad but I still want to visit my mom. Does my dad have the moral right to prevent me from seeing her. I've had to see her behind his back because he says that if I go visit her I might as well stay with her. He says I will betray him if I hang out with her. They are now divorced. She has custody of my siblings.
2006-10-25 22:31:51 · 19 answers · asked by chuche 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he is wrong
2006-10-25 22:33:48 · answer #1 · answered by evening_dewpoint 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know it sucks, but your mom may be right and your dad really is trying to look better, or your mom is a stupid b**** who's in it for the money. You honestly can't do anything about it except watch them both crash and burn. If you really want to see your dad, you can ask him to pick you up and take you over there. There isn't much you can do. I think your mom is just trying to squeeze out as much free money as possible though. I mean really, i assume your a high school senior right? she cant go a couple months without the child support? will she actually spend it on you? its going away soon regardless. im assuming a lot, but basically, you can only sit back and wait it out.
2016-05-21 21:45:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is VERY WRONG for not allowing you to see your Mom and siblings. He is also VERY WRONG for saying these things about your Mom to you. This is still your Mom. What happened between your Mom & Dad has nothing to do with you and your siblings. It appears that your Dad is trying to separate you, your Mom and your siblings and he is doing a good job. Let your Dad know that she is still your Mom and you love her. Let him also know that you still have siblings that you want to see.
On the flip side, You are of age where you can make your own decisions. You are an adult not a child and it appears that your Dad is treating you like a child (and you are allowing it). Please do not let your Father destroy your relationship with your Mom and siblings. He's making you choose between him and your mom and that is VERY WRONG. Your Dad needs counseling to help him heal over the affair your mom had and the divorce. It is very clear that he hasn't gotten over this issue and is still hurting.
2006-10-25 23:54:53 · answer #3 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is angry still and trying to convince you that if you visit your siblings and mom you will be betraying him is a mental issue he is struggling with. You should never loose your relationship with either parent over their disputes, you are not the cause and it is going to backfire on him if he continues on this path.
believe me I know as I am divorced from my sons father , yet I never interfered in their relationship. This last yr I let him try and live with his father , he made his own choice to come back after 6 months to live with me, he's 16. Now I'm sure if he can make up his mind that living with me is where he wants to be then you can too. And your dad needs to understand he will drive you away if he doesn't stop putting his anger about what happened on your shoulders.
2006-10-25 22:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by momof8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poor you,,,this situation stinks for all concerned doesnt it,,you dad still obviously hurts about the split and the affair but you did nothing wrong,,your 'mum' did nothing wrong,,it was your dads wife who did wrong,,she isnt just 'mum',she was someone who wasnt happy with what she had,,she took something she shouldnt have but what is done is done and nothing can take back the decision.you are 18 and need to stand your ground,,in an ideal world you could sit him down,explain that you love him and that being around your mum wont change that or even make you think what she did was right ,,he was and is hurting but that doesnt have any bearing on how she feels about you and your siblings,or how you feel about her. you need your mum and dad even if they are seperated and he has to let you go,,he is probably just scared that even after she has caused all this upset she can still take everything dear to him,,you are the last thing from the relationship that isnt yet spoiled for him,if you get in touch with her it means his hurt means nothing,the problem is that she didnt cheat on you,,you cannot have the same feelings of betrayal as he does,he needs to understand it is hard for you too but it is something you are going to do,,he will get mad,he may even tell you not to come back,,it will just be fear and pain talking,,for him to see it can work he has to allow you to be an adult and you have to act like one,,,,make the effort to stand your ground.
2006-10-26 00:48:15 · answer #5 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think yes your dad is doing wrong by preventing you from seeing your mom. If you were a young child I could see your fathers reasons, but your are old enough to make your own decisions. By your father preventing you from seeing her has caused you to have to sneak around behind his back. Your father should be mature enough to handle you seeing your mom.
Your father should quit blaming you for your moms mistake. You shouldn't be shamed, your not the one who cheated or made that choice to cheat. Tell your father to grow up & be an adult.
You should think about moving back in with your mom no matter how sorry you feel for your dad. Your dad needs time by himself so he can learn about himself again & hopefully grow as an individual.
Your dad may feel betrayed by you visiting your mom but eventually your dad will have to get over it. He has no moral ground for preventing you from seeing your mom.
Just remember you only have one mom & dad! Love them both equally...
Nicole
2006-10-26 03:25:32 · answer #6 · answered by littlevada32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really sympathize with your dad. i think he still find it difficult to live with the fact that your mom cheated on him. but its only right that he feels that way, he got cheated by the one he is supposed to spend the rest of his life with.
the thing is your dad isnt being very mean. while your mom has custody of your siblings, he is alone. and when u moved in with him, he felt glad. maybe he feel like u might leave him again when u feel close to your mom. the thing is he has no right to stop u but i hope u will talk to him about what u feel.
there's always 2 sides to every story
cheers..
2006-10-25 22:39:55 · answer #7 · answered by eki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously your father is still harboring a lot of resentment towards your mother. Regardless, this is his crap to deal with - not yours.
She is your mother and you have the right to continue to have a relationship with her. If he cannot handle this then so be it.
It appears that you are around 21 (18+3 years later). You are an adult and can do as you please. If he is going to play the guilt trip on you, then you might suggest that he see a therapist to get a better grip on reality. It is not a betrayal to him for you to see your mother.
Does he get to see your siblings that live with your mother, or is he robbing them of their relationship with their father as well?
It is a shame that the "adults" in a relationship can cause the children to suffer in so many ways.
2006-10-25 22:43:08 · answer #8 · answered by zdrgnslyr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont let him run your life with guilt. I let my parent who raised me do that and i have regretted it all my life. See your mom. Call his bluff. Tell him you love him and would like to live with him but she IS your mother and you dont think she did right but you love her. She didnt cheat on you she cheated on him and that doesnt affect the fact that she is your mother. Maybe put some guilt back on him and tell him if he throws you out just because you want to see your only mother then he must not love you very much. I am sure he does but he needs to wake up to the emotional blackmail he is trying to pull on you. It is not your responsibility at the age of 18 to make your dad feel better about his ex wife ( your mom ). That was between them and has nothing to do with you.
If he tosses you out to live with her then just hang in there. He will change his mind eventually. He is wanting to feel like one of the kids is "on his side" and he has no business dragging his kids into this.
2006-10-25 22:41:00 · answer #9 · answered by Mary N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where your dad is coming from, however, No its not right of him to prevent you from seeing your mom. He is using you to get back at your mom for the mistakes that she made. You may be able to talk to your dad and make him realize that even if you see your mom it doesn't mean that you support what she did. What your mom did should not be your shame, it is hers, and your dad should not put it on you.
2006-10-25 22:41:35 · answer #10 · answered by fdk30 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are over 18 and can do as you please. He has no right morally to stop you from seeing your mom. Apparently he is still very hurt, angry and bitter about the affair. Him wanting you to take sides isn't fair to you, your siblings, your mom or him. She done something wrong but everyone makes mistakes. He needs to move past it as I am sure she has.
2006-10-25 22:40:28 · answer #11 · answered by neinnana 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋