My boyfriend had 'cheated' on me (he says not sexually) with a married woman at work in April. He claims it was emotional, not physical. I find that hard to swallow,especially since there was I love you's & miss your voice messages. but don't have proof they had sex. I decided to stick it out and make it work. In June he had decided to leave me. By July he decided he really loved me and wanted me back.After long talks I went back with him. I still have trust issues. He swears it's over with her. I have a 'funny' feeling that it is not completely over with her, I asked for proof, by giving me the password to his voice mail for his work phone, (In the past he gave it to me and that's how I found out the relationship had been going on) And again a second time after we had gotten back together but only briefly until he changed it. Now I am asking for it again and he refuses to give it to me. I want proof it's over with her. Am I the only one who thinks he's still cheating?
2006-10-25 19:55:22 · 12 answers · asked by jozeeblu 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
maybe he has changed
2006-10-25 19:57:07 · answer #1 · answered by m m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tend to think that if a relationship is right there are no questions and no issues of trust and no long, stewing, discussions, and no feeling the need to ask for any kind of proof. Also, I'm not sure that an "emotional" relationship isn't more threatening to your relationship than a sexual one would have been.
It just seems to me when a relationship between two people is right nobody has any interest in anyone else - at all, ever, for any reasons.
He may or may not be cheating now, but it seems he's cheated his way out of your being able to trust him; and that's not a small matter in a relationship. He's apparently someone who wasn't above allowing something to go on between himself and a married person, and the messages you found out about weren't messages like "I'll tell you about my vacation after lunch."
Its hard to say whether you should trust your "funny feeling" or not, because he has made you feel unsure, and that, itself, can make "funny feelings" that can't necessarily be taken as reality. Its probably entirely reasonable of him not to want to give you his passwords (he has a right to his passwords just as anyone else does), but its reasonable of you not to trust him. Still, if you keep treating him as if he has to prove something to you and as if you're almost his "warden" that won't help your relationship.
Maybe all you need to know is that he cheated once at least to the point of "I love you's" and "Miss your voice" messages; and maybe that's what tells you what you need to know about your relationship with him. Sometimes there's no point in sticking it out and trying to make something broken work. I don't think a solid, good, strong, relationship that is right takes all that much stewing and working at.
If you decide to stay with him, though, you are going to have to stop asking for proof that he's not doing something. That will destroy your relationship more quickly than many other things will.
2006-10-26 03:20:12 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two major corner stones of a relationship are trust and communication. If you don't trust him you are not communicating and if you are not communicating there is no trust. I know that sounds silly but it's the truth if you don't have those two things you have nothing let it go and move on. There is someone out there for you that will give you everything you want and need. Who will make you feel safe, secure and like you are the only woman in the world for him. I say with for him!
2006-10-26 03:03:50 · answer #3 · answered by ha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me an emotional connection to someone is almost worst then physical.
I had a friend in a similar situation- but she was the one who cheated. When she decided she wanted her guy back she quit her job so she broke all ties with the other guy. She did side work until she got another REAL job- but it proved to her man, she was serious about making it work.
Don't know if that helps you or not. Just a story I know.
2006-10-26 03:01:07 · answer #4 · answered by Mommyk232 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't be stupid.you know damn well that he is still cheating. you can't trust him and you need to let him go. your funny feeling is called common sense. even if he gives you the pass word, all he has to do is to tell her not to leave anymore messages (duh).he doesn't really love you or he wouldn't have been trying to leave in June. you're a sucker that doesn't want to face reality. it's over, move on.
2006-10-26 03:17:01 · answer #5 · answered by sweettee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that you need to get them both on the Horn and see what is going on if he cannot call in front of you and if you don't think that will work go to her and if that still doe's not benefit you walk out on his *** until he is ready to gain your trust back don't ever think you are messing the relationship up because you have trust issues he put those issues there now he has to do whatever is to allow you to trust him again he can't step
2006-10-26 03:09:26 · answer #6 · answered by NICOLE B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since the trust has been broken- he needs to earn it back- he is cheating has changed his password to prove it- he is hiding it - dump him and don't go back- and in the future when the warning bells go off- get away from him- or whoever- and stay away- you deserve better- D
2006-10-26 03:00:08 · answer #7 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, he will definitely do it again. If he really wants to things to work with you, he will try to gain your trust. Since he knows that you are insecure about stuff, he should be understanding enough to give you his password, so to regain your trust. Also, it sounded like you are a backup girl for him, when there's no other girl for him, he will find you.
2006-10-26 03:08:57 · answer #8 · answered by cheeryviola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he is still cheating on you hun. If you have that funny feeling, trust your gut. Woman's intuition never stears you wrong!
2006-10-26 02:58:10 · answer #9 · answered by answerer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SISTER GIRL,
AS MADEA WOULD SAY,"IF YOU THINK YOUR MAN CHEATING THEN HE IS".
2006-10-26 02:58:56 · answer #10 · answered by Renee F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋