I'm almost scared to ask this one?

Question

I've cheated on my wife a few times and told on myself. Now here's the tricky part. I told on myself because I love her and she deserved to know. And I know that "If I love her I wouldn't do it in the first place". But this isn't true, It had nothing to do with anything but a problem in myself that i'm trying to fix. Other than this problem i'm the best father and husband that anyone could ask for. Am I worth forgiving? Maybe I am worth forgiving once but more? I feel so sorry for my wife. She doesn't deserve this. I love her so much. I wish God would just fix this for me.

Answer 1

Hey. I have a problem with cheating, and its not ok! I feel bad. I cheated on my ex twice, and he is a great guy. It's honorable that you told her. You may have some impulse control issues! That is why i cheated. NO impulse control. I forget consequences even exist! Alcohol involved too causes lack of both impulse control and judgement...so if you're drinking too much, then look at that. She is the person that will tell you if you're worth forgiving...but you need to forgive yourself (I KNOW, i can't either) and figure out WHY you were cheating. That may be your key to stop. What were your motivations? Was there something wrong in your relationship? If it is truly something you are trying to fix in yourself, you will. It just takes TIME. And don't excuse yourself, but be gentle with yourself too...remember we are all human and no one is perfect, but if she is willing to forgive you, don't treat that as a weakness in her. What Im saying is don't uhm...put her in "doormat" category and go out and cheat again an again cause she will forgive you. Good luck.

Answer 2

yes you're worth forgiving. God always forgives (over and over)so why shouldn't we? Our answers don't matter. Obviously you have a problem and should seek help; the best would be a counsellor that would include both of you. If your wife forgives you every time then she already has a God-given quality, a forgiving heart and should be respected.
Give her the respect she deserves by being open and honest. There are always reasons for everything. What is your reason? Cheating is an effect of a cause. First you have to know the cause. The only person that will recognize it (or them) is you, not your wife, kids, friends, other family. Don't beat yourself up or put yourself down. You say you love her then prove it. She bore you beautiful children and a loving home. This is what God intended for all his children. He knows we will make mistakes because we are not perfect. You wish God will fix it. He won't fix it until you HONESTLY ask Him to. Don't just ask Him to fix it after you've made her cry but constantly ask for the spirit to resist temptation (the devil) and the Lord will bless you. I speak from experience and believe me prayer works. Don't expect to pray once and all is alright. We have to constantly ask for forgiveness. Always remember He loves you just as you are and sees us from the inside out (unlike people who look at the outside first). I don't know you but if I did I would hug you and tell you that Jesus loves you and always wants the best for you. He blessed you with a wonderful family (lots of people can't say that) so show Him you're greatful. Thank Him everyday and remember to always pray. Your wife is special in God's eyes and He will never give her more than she can bear. Stay blessed. You don't need luck, you need God.

Answer 3

First ask God to forgive you. Then, forgive yourself. You said "a few times"....and that you were trying to fix your problem. If you do not think it is fixed....get help quick. As far as her forgiving you (speaking as a wife who has forgiven her husband) I would think if she was going to it would help her if you do these things.
1) Sit her down (often) and tell her how you want things to be
ok between you both.
2) Let her know that you are getting help and involve her.
3) Make sure she knows where you are even when she does
not ask.
4) Be a friend but don't try to get romantic too fast if she is
not ready-it takes time (sometimes much time) to heal.
5) Don't beg her to be close....just be there and be patient.
6) Put yourself in her place.....what would YOU do??

Answer 4

I was common law married to a man for 5 years ( a musician ) who could not seem to stop cheating on me. He would stop for a few months but then he would slip up again. I never hated him for it and i even understood the underlying reasons he was doing it. I forgsve him over and over. But in time i did leave him over it and some other things. Within a year he committed suicide. So now i am left to deal with that.

You have got to get some help. Go to a pastor and see if you can see a Christian counselor. ( if they start trying to get you to confront demons and crazy stuff like that find a different counselor... ) Get both of you and your kids in church.

Here are some things to think about and motivate you to get help for yourself and for both of you....
1. You could bring home a fatal disease and give it to your wife.
2. You could bring home another std and give it to your family.
3. You could eventually cause your wife to leave you and take your children.
4. You are destroying your own feelings of worth.
5.God will only fix it when you turn to Him completely.

I will pray for you and your wife and hope you can find some help. In the meantime try this website for some immediate help.
http://www.familylife.com/

Answer 5

it's up to your wife. There is no such thing as a "rule" as to how many times you can/must be forgiven for breaking someone's heart.
You say you did it to fix some problem of your own. No idea what problem that may be, but do you think you chose the right way to solve it? Was it worth breaking your wife's heart for it? May be you should find some other means to solve it. God is not going to solve it, you must do something about it yourself: you are responsible for your life, including your decisions about solving your problems.
If this has done any real damage to your marriage: go find some professional help together.
Good luck, and hopefully you will think twice a next time you are doing something for yourself that might be hurting someone else..
Greetings from Holland.

Answer 6

Problem or no problem, if you really loved your wife like you say you do, you wouldn't have cheated on her in the first place. It isn't my place to say whether or not you are worth forgiving. That is for your wife to decide. You may want God to fix this, but you have to take the initiative. God can only help you fix this, and God only helps those who help themselves.

Answer 7

listen as a woman i can tell you that your wife will not understand that it is actually your problemand it is i used to do the same things i loved my husband but when someone would ask me out i would end up cheating but i never thought about hurting him...my concience finally come calling one day..and i did not answer i realize that it is best not to tell that person because sometimes love should not be disrupted...she does not deserve to know she deserves not to be cheated on and if you are such a wonderful husband you will start to realize what you are doing oh and have you ever seen that show cheaters?/? well be careful.good luck and remember that you are not the worst person in the world because you cheat...your only a person

Answer 8

Do you enjoy hurting your wife? Do you get some pleasure from it either consciously or unconsciously?

Do you have an uncontrollable preocupation with sex. Is having sex with someone other than your wife totally out of your control?

Is alcohol part of the problem? Alcohol lowers your inhabitions. You do things you wouldn't ordinarily do & wish you hadn't.

Do you REALLY love your wife...even tho you say you do? And why for heaven's sake do you want her to know? She doesn't 'deserve' to know...She deserves your love & respect.

I lived w/ a man who had sex w/ another woman (women). I forgave & forgave...& forgave some more. Finally, I could forgive no more. I think he did love me, but maybe had a Madonna/ Whore complex. There are such people. I, to put it midly, finally went berserk...wanted to kill him & almost killed myself. He even told his girlfriend/mistress I went berserk...maybe that was his excuse for the break up of the marriage. Yes, I really loved my husband almost to the point of worshiping him. As it turned out he wasn't worth it.

If you really want to stop this behavior & pattern of yours, then get some help...therapist, sex anonymous, a pastor, whatever. It is easy to say you love your wife & justify your actions, but it takes courage & a special man to admit that he has a problem, needs help, & follows thru w/ help. I hope you get that help before you destroy her life & the life of your children, not to mention your own.

I would like to end this 'with love' but I can't...I have been through too much hell. THINK about it. Nala

Answer 9

Did she agree with you that she deserved to know? Most women really don't want to know, so are you telling her to get a reaction from her?
I've been the other woman many times and the wife never found out. For the most part they ended up living happily ever after.
If you feel sorry for her for something you are intentionally doing to her that is just damn wrong.
Have your little flings and KEEP YOUR F@#$%! MOUTH SHUT ABOUT IT or leave her ..right now you sound like you enjoy hurting her on some level.

Answer 10

Listen Waldo, what if the shoe was on the other foot? NO! you don't love her, you don't know how to love. Speaking of God, read what He has to say about it. Proverbs 5:18 says "rejoice with the wife of your youth" and Genesis 2:24 " that is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh". If you continue in that behavior, you will be displeasing God and no good will come of it.