I'm in love with my boyfriend of 5 years, & have a connection with him like nothing I've ever felt before. He is my best friend, and we both love each other, but he has lied to me repeatedly about girls he talks to/emails etc. He says he's afraid I will overreact, so he'd rather not tell me about meaningless emails to girls that are just friends because in the past I have been jealous and possessive. While it's true that I have overreacted and been jealous/possessive in the past, it has been two years since I have behaved that way, and have changed. The last time I caught him in a lie, I gave him a chance to tell me the truth, which he did (b/c he knew he had no choice) and I didn't react angrily because I wanted to encourage him to feel comfortable telling me the truth. Yet he continues to lie even though I've shown him I won't get angry or jealous. I don't want to live the rest of my life w/ someone who lies to me. Should I break up w/ him even though I still love him?
2006-10-25 18:34:23 · 14 answers · asked by mmm636 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the insecurity of breaking up, prevents one from doing the right thing. don't continue to live a lie.take the bold step, and break up, but more important, if he comes begging don't take him back. be strong.
2006-10-25 18:51:47 · answer #1 · answered by drbony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've found the best policy is to quit worrying about stuff, but let it be known that you have a zero tolerance policy for cheating. You only make yourself look clingie and insecure when you make unfounded accusations and sweat the small stuff. Just take the attitude that no one would cheat on you, and get on with life. And if something does happen just dump the guy like a dirty diaper.
On the other hand if your boyfriend already has a track record of cheating, you best dump him now because it's only a matter of time. You can always trust a cheater to cheat.
2006-10-25 18:48:05 · answer #2 · answered by hankthecowdog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should ask yourself, what makes you love him?
Since if you love him and he's a compulsive liar, you have to accept that as part of your loved one's characteristics.
Unless you only love him for his honesty.
And a note, while people often mention break up, the truth is that... you never really truly can break up with someone.
Sure you might have labeled it as breaking up, but is that really the truth?
Now, if you don't want to 'always' live with someone who lies to you.
You don't have to, but that doesn't mean you have to break up. Get an 'extra' boyfriend instead, and also allow him to get an 'extra' girlfriend too.
2006-10-25 19:00:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously hiding things from you due to your jealousy from the past. i know what its like to be a jealous person, its EVIL! its good that uve made effort to hide your emotions, but maybe u just need to assure him that ur fine with it. If he then continues to lie to u maybe u should really think about ur future together. Do u really want to be with someone who is lying to u about speaking to women. It will just make u more insecure and will destroy ur relationship and ur trust for him, i suggest u tell him that if he continues lying to u even after u told him u dont mind him speaking to females, that u might have to re assess ur future together.
Hope it all works out for you!!
2006-10-25 18:44:54 · answer #4 · answered by Elena 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are pretty much confused about "sacrifice and compromise", as those are expected and a must in a committed relationship (i.e., marriage) ONLY. Porn addiction is known to be devastating even to marriages, so all you should do - is move out, or change the locks and have his packed stuff outside the door with the note, "See you when I am the only one you long to see, and then you can bring a ring and a marriage date with you".
2016-05-22 14:52:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him time! You wired his brain into needing to lie about stupid little things, by being jealous and possesive. He'll need time to trust that you aren't going to freak out. It'll happen.
2006-10-25 18:38:56 · answer #6 · answered by ABK_SCRUB 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay with him. oops, I lied.
Break up. I mean it. I do! I didn't mean stay-stay I meant... oh, stop getting pissed. I would have said break up but you'd just get mad! Stay! I'm not lying. I'm not! I'm trying to change, but you MAKE ME lie because you overreact. Break up. No I mean it.
2006-10-25 18:40:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOVE IS ABOUT TRUST, AND IT REALLY SOUND LIKE
THIS IS A TRUST ISSUES, AND AFTER 5 YEARS TOGETHER
IF WOULD BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD HAVE WORKI
IT SELF OUT, BUT IF YOU DONT TRUST HIM THEN YOU
NEED TO LEAVE IT ALONG. AND IF HE LYING TO YOU
ALL THE TIME THAT NOT GOOD AT ALL.
2006-10-25 18:38:55 · answer #8 · answered by luckystar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. There are a lot of men out there who don't lie.
2006-10-25 18:50:59 · answer #9 · answered by Marti M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love sometimes does not conquer all. break up
2006-10-25 18:35:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋