My brother has been staying with me for the past seven almost eight months. I told him he could stay until he got on his feet and because I felt sorry for him. I also didn't want him to become homeless (long story). I have tried to help him to get re-established by encouraging him and getting him odd jobs. He doesn't help with rent or any of the other household expenses. He spends his money by partying with friends, eating out and buying designer clothes. He recently bragged to our Aunt that he has saved almost $2,000.00. I gave him a 60 day notice on October 1st to be out by December 1st. But he isn't doing anything to secure his own place. He just continously makes excuses about why he can't afford to move out. The other day when I asked him what were his plans. He told me he was too depressed to talk about it. I feel used and taken for granted. What should I do next?
2006-10-25 17:42:59 · 24 answers · asked by msladykm 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You're being more than generous to put up with him for two more months. Stick with your ultimatum. Tell him that you're serious, that it's the natural consequence for his lack of respect and responsibility.
When he promises to do better, tell him that it's too late and he'll have to move anyway--that you need your own space to yourself again. Tell him that whatever of his things are not out by the deadline will go to Goodwill. They'll come pick it up as a donation.
He's trying to guilt-trip you and get your sympathy. Don't let him manipulate you anymore. He'll use you as long as you let him. He's got to learn that you're serious and won't tolerate any more unacceptable behavior from him.
Change the locks on December 1.
2006-10-25 17:58:50 · answer #1 · answered by KIT J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is manipulative and is taking advantage. My suggestion would be to give it to him straight between the eyes. Relate your feelings and impress upon him that you mean business. To emphasize the seriousness you can give him up to 10 days after the deadline but at the cost of $20-$25 per day...no credit! What he needs is to learn very quickly what some genuine respect is all about. If he takes more than 10 days after the deadline, then raise the daily fee.
You must be serious about this . He needs to learn that you do not take advantage of people who help you...or anybody for that manner. Sinse he's doing so well now its time to move on. Or at least he must pay his part and be responsible.
For good measure you can point out that he has the nerve to try and play you after you came to his rescue.
2006-10-25 18:09:22 · answer #2 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As easy as it is to blame him, no one can take advantage of you unless you let them. You KNOW what's going on, and you're allowing it. Of course he's going to let it happen... he's getting a free ride, so why wouldn't he?
Now that you realize it, it's time to stop. Two weeks is a reasonable amount of time. Tell him that the free ride is over, and he'll need to be completely moved out by ___ (set a date, two weeks from now). Mention the date often enough so that he understands that you mean it.
It's not your job to find him a place to live or a job, and you shouldn't even try. Respect him enough to assume the best about him... assume that he'll find his own way, and applaud when he does. But you should no longer be allowing him to manipulate you. Be firm.
If the day before the date arrives, remind him that you mean it, and that tomorrow is the day. If he is not out by that date, set his things outside, or let him know where he can find them. Then change your locks.
Be strong!
2006-10-25 17:58:59 · answer #3 · answered by Susie Q 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you heard him bragging that he has saved $2000 and that he is to get out by Dec 1 or you want that money. Are you able to get your parents involved in this sibling dispute? what about the Aunt? Tell him that you can't afford to keep him anymore and that you will have to cancel the phone and cable. Tell him he doesn't know what depression is, especially if he has fun going out with his friends, spending $$. etc. Just WHERE does he get this $ if he is unemployed anyway?
"No good deed goes unpunished"
The other option is to put all his stuff outside and have your locks changed. Don't let him back in. He had his chance.
2006-10-25 18:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by kitty-mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear this about your brother. there are plenty people like him around who are best known as free-loafers. They are immature, irresponsible and inconsiderate. Simple give him another 3 months notice and this time telll him its for real. If he's not packing up by then, simply change the locks. Of course you have to risk spoiling the relationship but the more you help such ppl the more they take you for granted. Be firm. Goodluck!
2006-10-25 17:53:17 · answer #5 · answered by micky 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him that you meant it when you told him he had until December 1 to move out. Or he has to pay rent if he wants to stay with you. Help him find a place to rent. Show him places for rent in the paper and then maybe he will take you seriously. good luck
2006-10-25 17:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle : 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats love right there.
He's jus being really lazy, and doesnt wanna take a step...into gettin a job/own place. Thats where u should tell him...u've already done alot for him, and that he needs to stop partying, and do something useful with his life.
♥If he's not out by December 1st, then u should kick him out...cuz it doesnt sound like hes trying. Good luck to u and ur bro♥
2006-10-25 17:50:05 · answer #7 · answered by jaz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to start demanding actions from your brother. tell him that you are going to have to get rent money from him and for him to help out around the house...give him a amount on how much you are going to want from him monthly. and tell him that you need this by the end of each month starting this month. if he doesnt do this at the end of the month, you need to tell him that hes out, tell him that as long as hes living under your roof hes going by your rules and since he doesnt want to follow these rules you have no choice but to say hes out of here. tell him you love him but hes got to stand on his own two feet and get a place of his own, he cant live off of you anymore. you just need to kick him out , if he doesnt listen tell him by this certain day which will give him time to get his own place if he doesnt than the keys wont work to the place anymore because your changing the locks..you mean bussiness, and hes got to grow up
2006-10-25 17:49:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is taking advantage of you. if he wasnt he would take some of the money he saved and put toword his living with you. too me 60 days is way too long to give some one. but, i do know that when it comes too family we sometimes seem too have more of a bigger heart then we sometimes should.
tell him you have got to talk to him dont take any excuses. and let him know just the way it needs too be and is gonna be. if he isnt too depressed too go out with his friends and party then he should have and take the time too talk with you. good luck.
p.s. some times tough love is the hardest kind of love when it comes too family.
2006-10-25 17:50:44 · answer #9 · answered by Ozark American 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
simple kick him out. sounds to me like he is a dead beat and playing family (You) for a fool, on december 1st take his key to the place and tell him to get out. if he doesn't go so far to get the police to remove him, his other option is to pay half rent food and utilities as well as any other bills he creates. some people woll never learn until they get hit with a bit of tough love
2006-10-25 17:46:57 · answer #10 · answered by daggermouth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋