OK see,my mom left mt dad when I was 2 b/c He was on drugs and wouldn't work my mom wasing working 2 jobs two support me,my sister,herself and my "dad". So she got a divorce. And my dad has had VERY LITTLE to do with me(13 today) and my sister (15) My momma re-married 5 years later when I was 5 years old. To the best man In the whole world!!!! He loves me and my sister,has always givin' us what we need and more than we wanted. He's never done a thing to hurt me or her.We love him like He's our Bio. father and He loves us like we'er his real children.
So would it be "heartless" or "cold-hearted" for me to love him and "prefer" and favor him over my real dad (biologicle father)
2006-10-25 17:17:52 · 14 answers · asked by ~♥~Tiffany~♥~ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
sorry I just relized how many typing errors I made I guess I won't be tyin' to type fast anymore!!! (LOL)
2006-10-25 17:35:01 · update #1
like today was my birthday and my step dad--MY daddy--came home from work with a dozen of BEAUTIFUL RED ROSES and a card that said "As the years go by you only get more wonderful,Happy Birthday,and then he wrote And you'll always be daddy's baby girl. (I'm the youngest of my 4 sisters,I only have one blood sister)AND THAT SOMETHING MY REAL DAD WOU:D NEVER DO!!!!
He actualy acts like He wants me around And he loves me just as much as I love him
2006-10-25 17:41:06 · update #2
Not at all. You'll always love your real dad no matter how much of a scum bag he has been. But that doesn't mean that you can expect anything at all from him or expect him to meet needs that a father would. You'll always prefer the one who nurtures and cares for you - that's what every child and even adults want in a parent. Someday your real dad will be old and hardly able to talk and walk anymore if he lives that long and you'll actually find that you become a parent of sorts to him, you'll feel very sad for him and actually love him more then because you'll realize that he made some bad decisions that have made him a very miserable person - and you'll just want to do anything you can to be kind and help him despite all of the past. Your own personal growth and maturity will change things tremendously as you grow up - just don't forget that and don't EVER feel guilty for eating up that love and affection from your step father - most young people have the dreamy real dad who dies and then ends up with the evil step father. Girl - you are blessed!!!
2006-10-25 17:25:41 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it isn't heartless, you can't help what you feel. I understand what you mean, I never knew my dad and I discovered someone as a father figure pretty late in my life who I knew for six years, my father in law. He passed last year, but he was awesome!!!!
If someone is willing to shower you with love take it, accept it and love them back, families come in all shapes and sizes,
but there will come a time perhaps when your birth dad wants to make ammends, what happened between your mom and him, is thier business and you do not have a right to judge based on how they made eachother feel. You were a child that got caught in the crossfire, and he's only human, able to make mistakes and correct them. Learn to accept and forgive your dad even if you decide to have no contact when you are older.
Bad things happen to innocent people, and I understand something about addictions, my natural mother was and as far as I know still is, an alcoholic, I don't understand her putting that before her child, but it happened, I don't like it, don't condone it, but because of her I am the best parent I can be. If it was't for her, I wouldn't have this life I have today...
You are loved by many people and never think your birth dad doesn't love or want you. Sometimes it is hard for people to face up to thier mistakes, and decide it is easier to run and hide and neglect and ignore instead.
You sound like a very mature 13 year old ( Happy Birthday) Enjoy your family and life, your dad you have in your life full time, who put time and effort and love invested in a loving relationship with you is there for the long haul. He thinks of you as his daughter, and that is something to be cherished.
You are allowed to love him, as your dad because he is all you have known, don't let anyone or guilt convince you other wise.
HAVE FUN!!!!
Shannon
2006-10-25 18:19:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not cold hearted to love him. When a family member is wonderful, there can never be too many of them to love--all in your own way. Since this man is your step-father, he is a particularly close relative, and he sounds like such a great guy, you cannot help but love him best. You mustn't blame yourself for preferring him, because in the case of your birth father, you cannot be expected to prefer what you do not know.
Perhaps some day when you are grown, your birth father will sort out his troubles and you may have a deeper understanding of him. But that does not mean that you have to love him in the same way, or that you ever should feel guilty for loving your stepfather the way you do.
2006-10-25 17:31:37 · answer #3 · answered by Latrice T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I was 21 when my mom left my dad, but me and him never had a very good realtionship anyway. She remarried 5 yrs ago to a wonderful man. I think more of him as a dad than my own dad. I don't think it is bad for you at all to feel this way. He treats me like one of his own. I have not spoke to my dad in 3-4 yrs, because of our issues. Don't feel bad at all, just because someone supplied the DNA, does not make him a dad, just a donor. Keep on loving your Daddy. Good luck!!!
2006-10-26 05:03:47 · answer #4 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he's trying his hardest to be left alone...why don't you and your other friends do him a favor and oblige? He'll come back into the fold when he's good and ready; listening to a bunch of people tell him what a heartless bastard he is isn't going to make him change, it's just going to add fuel to the fire. Leave him be...
2016-05-22 14:43:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wouldn't make you anything except happy. a man that gives up the love of his children for whatever reason doesn't deserve to have it. it sounds like he has given his feelings to something else so now it is time for you to do the same. depending on where you live you could talk to your mother about your step dad adopting you then you wouldn't have to worry about the dad that didn't care about you anymore.
2006-10-25 17:23:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, this man has shown you what is important, unconditional love. But do save a little place in your heart for maybe connecting with your bio. dad one day. But to have great step dad is wonderful and you aren't betraying anyone by loving him.
2006-10-25 17:23:05 · answer #7 · answered by chris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its ok. i mean being loved by another is ok. a father is suppose to take care of you and not trouble the family. he is suppose to be the man of the house. not trouble the house. your new dad is ok. even if you love him like you own dad. it doesnt matter.
but if ever you get the chance, one day you might be able to change your real dad. tat is something ppl wld never expect to do. but maybe someday he'll change. who knows.
2006-10-25 17:34:02 · answer #8 · answered by iamghostofeternia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wouldn't be neither, honey, it shows that you have a huge and loving heart and is willing to love. Your father is the cold hearted one who can't be man enough to take care of his responsibilities.
2006-10-25 17:45:06 · answer #9 · answered by Dimples 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not cold-hearted at all, you just have the common sense to know when you are receiving real love from someone who truly cares for you!!
2006-10-26 13:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋