Please give your input on this situation? Also what should the wife/step-mom do here?

Question

Husband's adult sons from prior marriage came to America to live with us about 7 mos ago. Both work, 21yro /40 hrs a week and 19 yro/ 24 hrs per week. Husband works about 65 hrs a week. EVERY month there is a huge struggle to make the 750.00 per month needed to cover all the rent/utilities. Wife ill/can't work regularly. She asks husband about above issue and is told "You don't contribute any money to this household so it's none of your business!" She asks at a different time if the sons pay any rent. H. says "No because I'm not going to charge them to live with me. If I need their help I'll let them know." Last month oldest was asked to pay something for the first time and paid $500 on rent/bills. Husband says "OMG thank you so much son! Thanks for helping me." Wife just looks at husband with confused disgust. What should she do? Also why with so many people working is there such a struggle to pay $750 a month? Sons not paying anything? Husband has mistress? What's your input please?

Husband makes approximately 30 grand per yr and step-sons all make approximately $7 per hr.

Answer 1

There seem to be a few different issues here; the two son's not being asked to contribute, the fact that your husband isn't able to pay the monthly bills on his salary, and for me, the most concerning one which is your husband's attitude that financial contribution is the only way in which you can have input into the finances of the home.

I'm not sure there are any easy answers. As the boys' father, he has the right not to charge them as long as the bills are able to be paid. It's a blessing when parents can offer their children a place to live free of cost, especially in a situation where they might be saving the money for something special, or when their stay is only short term. On the other hand, I believe that in most instances, it's healthier for working children to contribute to the household (healthier for everyone involved-whether or not the money is needed)

The boys might be open to contributing, but perhaps your husband feels embarrassed that he's having trouble meeting the monthly obligations.

Perhaps you could suggest an open discussion-everyone present, everyone able to contribute, to discuss options. It's not an uncommon attitude for the working partner in a marriage to assume greater control/power because of his/her ability to bring in finances. However, that situation only works if both people are comfortable with it. It sounds to me that you're not only uncomfortable, but also hurt by his attitude. I think he needs to hear that. You can't make him change, but at least you can be open about how the situation makes you feel. As you share, be sure to let you husband know that you appreciate his financial commitment to your family, that you are happy that his sons are with you, etc. This discussion with him shouldn't be a personal attack, and if you discuss the situation together with the boys, you need to be extra cautious that they feel loved and comfortable that you want them there.

As far as why he can't make monthly payments, I wouldn't pretend to know the answer. He knows, and perhaps in your heart you know, too. Perhaps he has debts that you're unaware of-Did he pay for the boys to come over? The situation might be something like a gambling problem or mistress or whatever....but it could also be nothing like that and for your own peace of mind, perhaps you can try talking to him about it. Again, just be sure, no matter how upset or worried you might be, to try and talk about things in an attitude of love and trust. I know that's not easy.

God bless you. I'll be praying for you and your situation.

Answer 2

She needs to adjust her spending habits. My fiance and I pull a grand total of about 50,000$ a year, we pay over 1,000$ a month for rent and utilities, add another 500$ a month for our car insurance and cell phone bills, and we don't suffer. We live just as well as anyone else, but there are certain impulse buys that we don't give in to. That 3$ for coffee in the morning can be used towards a coffee maker and coffee that pays for itself within a month when you stop going to coffee shops every morning. That 6$ a day lunch can go to lunch meat, bread, fruit and yogurt for a week. We live in S. Florida, cost of living is pretty high.

It's not hard. You just have to learn to control your impulse buys.

I can't help much with the marital problems between the husband and wife though. That's something they have to work through. I wouldn't be surprised if the husband walks soon with the kind of attitude you say he's getting from the wife, and she probably is a huge contributing factor to why he has a mistress. If you treat your husband like dirt, you can't realistically expect much.

Arguements about money are nothing more than a power struggle. The relationship sounds highly dysfunctional from all directions.

Answer 3

I had to help my mom pay rent and i was part time on my job at the begining and once i became fulltime i had to help even more. I don't think its wrong to have your children pitch in every month after all they are living in the home, and struggling to pay $750 for bills each month, there must be something going on with the husband, a bad habit or something

Answer 4

There's DEFINITELY something going on if your husband works 65 hours a week and can't make a $750 payment. He's blowing the money on something and doesn't want you to know about it, which is why you NEED to know about it. Just because you don't contribute monetarily to the household doesn't mean you should be treated like a child and excluded from need to know information, it's your business just as much as it is his to know why he can't make the payment each month. You lose your home just as much as your husband if you get evicted, it's your business.
And if my sons were living with me and working enough to help with rent, they'd each be paying atleast 25% of the monthly bills.

Answer 5

ok, I understand why you want your mom to pay your brother's invoice, generally given which you do no longer want to pay it. yet quite, you basically want her to pay it by way of fact it quite is a extremely small invoice. If it have been $2,000 or $3,000 or $10,000 might you assume her to pay it? I recommend, your brother has already shown for years that he's irresponsible with the telephone and now, behaving like a spoiled toddler, he's working up the invoice and not taking responsibilty for the invoice. you've gotten asked him for the telephone a year in the past or asked your Aunt to take him off. in case you had no decision in that, then i might pay each little thing I owe on it, and that i might additionally supply the telephone to her and pay something for the time of the top of the contract which you owe. Then, enable your aunt pay it. She extra him to HER line. she is going to could pay it. in case you want to be effective, deliver your aunt a letter and tell your aunt which you will make money for 0.5 of his invoice and contain $20 in direction of that quantity. it is going to take you 5 months to pay it off (while you're paying 0.5 of a $200 invoice), yet that seems honest. Your aunt additionally knew he became irresponsible a year in the past. she would be able to income this lesson with you. by the way, Why are not you mad at your dad? in all risk your mom is far too effective and it is way less complicated to handle her poorly. you may think of approximately that. You owe your mom an apology.

Answer 6

$30k and he can't pay $750/month? Something is definitely wrong there! Does he gamble? Drink? Use drugs? If you have access to the banking info, I would recommend that you check the statements or get a transaction report and see where the money is going.